Saturdays are nice too

On Saturday I went to the beach with my family, it was extremely hot so retiring to near the sea seemed like the wisest course of action. A whole morning and a large chunk of the afternoon was spent chasing crabs, hunting fish, building then destroying sand castles and playing about on the water in my mother's boyfriend's strange sea-canoe.

It was very restful and while bobbing around on the waves I got some time to think. After A kissed me, proper wanton kisses I found my adour cooling a bit, I've noticed that one of the side effects of my parents marriage breaking down is that the moment a girl actually starts to be into me I lose interest, it's not an instant process but I do start to think of them as a lesser person.

I thought about this a lot and how silly it was. I do feel I've missed out on at least two lovely girlfriends because of this so I spent quite a while thinking it over. Then I realised that I was also thinking about A an awful lot. The two things can't really fit into each other and I'm determined not to fall into that trap again.

On returning I started the construction of supper with my little brother. We pounded dough, chopped vegetables and, in an interesting new twist did the washing up as soon as a dirty plate appeared. When A turned up with her friends the meal was almost ready, we just had to roll out the final stage of the pasta and it was ready to eat.

Sadly something went wrong with the home made pasta, I Think it dried out at the wrong stage pre-rolling so when we came to boil it in didn't work. Because of this we had a few minutes to kill before the dry pasta was ready and we strolled up to the hammock for some more lounging (all of us). A and I lead the way and stroll a kiss by the hay barn, getting caught somewhat by her friend.

The stroll to the field was lovely, and everyone should have a good hammock. After a brief while we heard the call for supper and walked back. The Meal was a jovial affair, everyone was relaxed enough to have fun and the food was excellent even if I do say so myself.

We all laughed and then went outside so A could have her first experience of firing a proper rifle which was very entertaining she swore like a trooper when it went off and then quickly apologised for her language.

Post gun-play everyone took cocktails on the seats in the new orchard while my little brother put on a display of diablo skills before he had to go to bed then the four of us (A, A's friend C, her boyfriend and I) strolled up to the hammock again.

We swung their for a while drinking and talking. There was some slightly less than subtle accidental touching going on by A's part. At this point the designated driver wanted to go so we walked back. A and I walked slowly so we had some time alone that we quickly capitalised on by kissing behind a hedge, it was almost like being a teenager again.

They left and I collapsed into bed with a warm glow provided by cocktails and kissing. A's friend had invited me to a party at her parents on Sunday so I had that too look forward to and it was everything I hoped...

A summer's day

I always think that a good way of telling how much you like a girl is to look at how much effort you put in when they are coming around. If you can’t even be bothered to change into some fancy pants, on the of-chance things go well then perhaps you don’t like her as much as you think you do.

I have been doing gardening. Days of gardening to make my mothers house look as presentable as possible, and I really hate gardening. It wasn’t even sloppy, surly gardening. I really worked at it. I’ve never done that before in my life. Two and a half days later the gardens were looking presentable, but still rather wild. The place is awash with geese so there is only so much one can do.

On Friday, at midday I went to pick A up from her friends house in the nearby town. It was a short drive along roads that are thick with memories for me like a sun-edged fog. As I drove along I got increasingly nervous, it was like a first blind-date or perhaps an important job interview. My stomach twitched with a dash of fear and a want to do well and make a good impression. I haven’t felt that in a long time.

The pick up went well, I didn’t get lost and I drove back with A, talking about work vaguely and occasionally sharing a story of the roads we were driving down. When she arrived I introduced her to my mother and my mother’s boyfriend and we had lunch outside. They all seemed to get on well, if a bit nervously at first. Perhaps I had overstressed the importance of A’s visit to my mother a little too much.

After lunch, my mother’s boyfriend put up the hammock in-between two walnut trees in the far field. A and I sat in it, rocking slowly in the dappled sunlight and listened to soft melody of the countryside while watching House Martins dive and wheel across the sky. We talked and laughed and it was lovely, the stress of work and other things seemed a million miles away.
My brother returned from school so we went back to the house for drinks and then engaged in the traditional activity of Hedge jumping. This transformed the perfectly manicured hedge into a strange beast with humps and holes in it. Hedge jumping is a long established sport at my mother’s house so the hedge is very used to having to recover from having small boys tumble over it.

It was rather warm at this point so my little brother suggested a game of blind-mans-buff with water pistols. He was blindfolded and we had to sneak up and try and tickle him with out getting wet. A took him out quickly and thus was blindfolded and armed while we attacked. She was good, if a little eager with the water so my brother was sent off to reload the pistol, the blindfold wasn’t removed and A waited, while giggling. I stepped close and she said she could tell my lips were close to hers because of the tingling sensation on her lips. So I stepped closer again and kissed her, full on the mouth. After just a micro-second she returned the kiss passionately.
At this point my little brother returned and the game continued, when-ever he disappeared to reload the water pistol A and I stole another kiss, with some words to the effect of this wasn’t very wise.

A bit later when everyone was completely soaked we went inside for a restorative cup of tea and then went up to the hammock to dry out. My mothers, my little brother A and I all pilled in (the hammock is a South American style, so it is designed to hold families) and we talked about silly things and laughed. Some time later A and I were alone in the hammock, the rest of the people had gone inside. We talked some more about silly things and then I gave her a piggy-back through the thistles back to the farm.

In the kitchen everyone was playing cards with lots of good natured shouting while drinking cups of tea and eating biscuits. Biscuits and cakes are an important part of life in the West Country, if you don’t have three meals just composed of them a day something is very wrong.
A challenged my little brother to a game of rummy, the stakes being if she won he would have to give her a piggyback ride, and if he won there would be another water fight. He won easily and another water fight began. This one was a lot more trigger happy and within moments everyone was completely soaked. I sent my little brother off to get towels and A and I sat entwined on the wicker sofa and talked. She thought that the kissing wasn’t a very good idea, and that it was rather high risk. I agreed, and said that some things are worth the risk, but that this wasn’t anything intense it was just a boy kissing a girl after a water fight. She kissed some more then, strong passionate kisses the sort that are heavy with suppressed intent. We sat there for quite some time, drying out and kissing until it was time for supper.

The mood at supper was very nice, my mother and her boyfriend had relaxed more so the usual giggling and laughter during mealtimes had returned. One the second course of post-supper cakes had been dealt with in an appropriate manner we armed ourselves with gloves and went outside to do some baling.

Baling is normally a horrible thing to do, a week of hard labour in the sun constantly getting scratched as you lug heavy and prickly bales on to the back of trailers and then off again into a barn. This time it was fun. It might have been the fact that we only had a short burst of it to do, or perhaps it was because A was there but I really enjoyed it. All of the years of baling finally paid off as I was able to toss them about with ease (it’s mostly about technique) much to the admiration of A.

As we sat balanced on the full load of hay wobbling down the roads towards the barn we kissed again. Little stolen kisses, savouring the moment it’s not often you get to kiss a beautiful woman on a warm summer’s afternoon so these things should be taken advantage of.

After a bit of brushing down I hopped in the car to drop A back at her friend’s house. We kissed a bit more while I drove, which was rather risky but it seemed like the right thing to do. Back at her friend’s house, while the friend, James got dressed (he had been in the bath) A pounced on me again and kissed me. I saw her get more and more flushed as we kissed, it’s nice to know you have an effect on a girl. James returned and when his girlfriend, who was a very old friend of A returned we all went down to the local pub to see a band play and have a few drinks. I was on the soft-drinks as I don’t touch anything if I am going to drive. A couple of close calls in Scotland cured me of that habit.

A’s friends were very funny and the pub was full of life. Occasionally A would put her hand on my knee or link fingers with me just out of sight of her friends, but I think they noticed, even a priest would be able to pick up on the signals being sent out between A and I.

At about midnight I made my excuses and left, it had been a very long day and I knew I had a drive ahead of me. A saw me outside and stole some more kisses and I got back into the car and drove. I love driving on country lanes in the dark. It feels like you are the only person on the planet and the concentration involved to be safe (I go rather fast) means I forget everything else and just get in the zone. I really do miss having a car.

When I got back I was rather away, several pints of coke will do that to a chap so I stayed up for a bit reading and then A sent me a series of very rude text messages. Our stolen kisses had more of an effect than I thought.

I went to sleep pondering the situation. A is clearly still cut up about her old chap and I’m not in the slightest bit interested in being a rebound. The risks to both of us just aren’t worth taking for a quick roll in the hay. I have things I need to deal with as well, if I’m being honest. Now that I think about it I haven’t really been able to maintain a grown up relationship since my parent’s marriage broke up in a nasty way (The fact that it was in the papers as well didn’t help). I’ve just been having a series of intense affairs. I don’t want this to happen with A.

What ever happens I have had a perfect day with A, it couldn’t have gone any better. It’s a golden memory to treasure, and I think for the first time in a very long time I kissed a girl for the first time and I was completely and utterly sober. That makes me sound like an alcoholic, but if you think back how many times have your first kisses been helped along with a dash of booze?

Today A and her friends are coming over for supper. Who knows what the night will bring?

Holiday with Hedgehogs

I'm off for the next few days, I'm going back to Devon for some rest and to build homes for orphan hedgehogs. It's going to be nice to take a break from prancing around London in fancy socks to make things out of wood.

A is going to come and visit me at the at the latter part. Which should be exciting. I wonder how that will go...

An almost perfect evening

Last night was excellent, A came over for supper and to meet the Ice Queen and S. A was umming and ahhing over if she would come around all day, saying that she wasn't really feeling up to meeting new people. Of course these plans became moot when a fire broke out near King's Cross so she did come back with me.

We got off at West Hampstead to pick up some supplies to cook with and a few other bits and bobs. So we strolled down West End Lane, arm in arm and I pointed out my favourite places to have coffee in the morning and she told me about her grandmother who used to live in the area.

On returning to the flat, which thank goodness my flatmate had cleaned a bit (I left it in rather a state on Sunday) we started on the cooking. While I prepared the dough A did some cleaning and drank champagne, then we switched while I did various other cooking things. Loud music blared out of the radio and we danced around the kitchen making supper.

After a great deal of pounding and giggling the rolls were made, in a variety of shapes including ones so everyone could spell out their name. The bread was put to one side and we set about the butternut squash with knives and joked about opening a resturant together. A and I make a good kitchen team, which I always feel is an important test. Mid-way through discussing if severed human heads on the wall of a resturant (A's idea) would be wise for business the Ice Queen and S appeared.

Everyone was a bit quiet for a bit on first meeting, but the Ice Queen was in fine form and she soon got everyone laughing away about the silliest things they had done at festivals. With the cooking mostly done, we just had to wait for various things to turn golden brown and so we drank wine and laughed some more.

After more giggling and some female bonding, my important female friends have now met and entirely approve of A, we ate the food which was delicious. The Butternut Squash soup entirely disappeared, the bowl was licked clean and S, who shouldn't really eat wheat based products broke the rules to eat the delicous fresh rolls.

There was more laughter until the time came for the girls to leave in a large group to get trains and the evening was over.

It was lovely.

House visits.

Sometimes things don’t go exactly to plan. I went over to A’s house on Sunday, I didn’t mean to but she sounded in a bad way over the phone. I’ve never encountered anyone who gets so upset about breaking up with people. Or at least I’ve never been around for this stage.

I visited her at her house armed with wine, classy crisps, and suitable DVDS – horror films with out any romance in. When I got there she was rather broken looking, it was as if she was a balloon that had had some of its air removed. I also noticed some rather suspicious looking marks on her arms, what is a chap supposed to do when he encounters self-harming?

We ate supper (the pizza I made her before warmed up) in front of Alien with a nice chardonnay and then went to sleep at around midnight. I was on a mattress on the floor; she was in her bed. Later on her cat joined me, he had taken a liking to me so he spent the night purring loudly in my ear.

It’s all very strange, being a grown up. Here I was on the floor of someone’s room on the other side of London from my flat. How had I got here? The path that leads to these situations is convoluted to say the least.

I’m still very enamoured with A, I just don’t know how to deal with this sort of thing. I do witty quips and fun nights out. Also, I have a very real fear I could be drifting like an iceberg into the friendship zone.

The power of silence

Silence is a powerful thing. Sometimes just not saying anything can change a situation massively. A lack of reply to 'I love you' or simply not replying fast enough can shift a day from a good one to a bad.

A silence can be like an expert counter-thrust in the game of courtship. Even more so through the medium of text messages. Just by not replying very quickly the moth and the flame can change rolls in an instance.

Today has been a day of well timed silences. I'm in the midst of a conversation now where to get what I really want, I must simply say nothing.

In other less cryptic news I did some more baking today, I made some beautiful bread rolls to eat with soft cheese. I've taken a photo of the remaining ones as the rest have been snaffled by hungry flatmates and other visitors.

I know that if I could only the object of my desires to come around to eat just a few times I would be able to ensnare her. Some men have dancing, others have flash cars or expensive jewellery, I bake.

Things

Lots of things have been going on here are the headlines

*bong*
On the way into work, the rear wheel on my bike collapsed. I had to buy a whole new wheel
*bong*
A has split up with her chap, for good. She is very cut up.
*bong*
I've lost so much weight over the past weeks through stress, cycling and eating well that my belts can't go tight enough anymore.
*bong*
I only have a two day week next week, but it is going to be awfully busy.
*bong*
I have to dash now, as I have some guests around for food.

Dialogue

Oh, on Tuesday night, somewhere between bottles 3rd or 4th bottle of wine A's manager mentioned he was going to Ibiza for his birthday. He was going to rent a villa on the quiet side of the island with a pool and relax. He was going to try and get a group together of about 10 to do this. Somehow, I ended up being one of the 10, with A and her sisters.

This plan is still in place, even in the cold light of day. The reason I mention it is the dialogue below doesn't make much sense with out this background information.

A - 'Don't you think that's an amazing swimming costume? I could wear that on the holiday.'
L - 'Yes it's rather lovely.'
A - 'And you wouldn't get any tan lines while wearing it.'
L - 'Lets see how much it is shall we? The company owe us a favour so I might be able get a special rate.'
*clicking on computers*
L - 'It's £80, you don't get a lot of swimwear for your money do you?'
A - 'Hmm, that's a bit too much for me.'
L - 'Well, I would offer to get it but £80 is more than you can spend on a friend. A tenner is fine, but I just can't spend that much on a person unless I was getting hot monkey love.'
A - 'Well August isn't for a while, I could be giving you monkey love by then.'
L - 'Yes, but would it be hot monkey love?'
A - *laughing* 'Yes.'

One more bottle.

A was in again today after her mini-break. Her chap and her are on the rocks again, so it looks like a break-up is happening. I would be excited but now I'm just tired of it all. Should anything be this hard work?

I feel I have rather buried myself in the moment and I've missed out on other things. It's time to have a new action plan, something less focused around a girl.

Of course I could just be a bit melancholy because I'm on the edge of getting an apocalyptic hang-over. I don't know why but if people say things like 'oh we shouldn't drink that much it's a Tuesday' I instantly go and buy more drinks, as if it is a personal challenge. The next morning I sometimes regret this.

Did I really need to buy six bottles of red wine?

Ah bless

I just spoke to our designer, she gave the new intern that I think is a hot the job because she knew I would fancy her. Isn't it nice when people at work do nice things for you? I'm sure she was joking but still.

Bless her cotton socks.

Interns

I work somewhere where other people would like to work, this means we have a constant stream of interns flowing through the place. They are always female (due to the nature of the place where I work) and awfully funny - I can't think of one that wasn't amusing in one way or another.

We had a new batch today and one of them was very pretty and very much my usual type - brunette, intelligent and feisty. I've never actually dated one of the interns, well not really. I'm still good friends with lots of them and someone I work with is dating one very seriously.

I think in a way they are almost the perfect work relationship. You get to have the flirting at work and then after a month you don't work together anymore so if it's still sparkling you continue it outside of work and if it has gone a bit sour your paths don't have to cross anymore.

Not that I am suggesting that I am going to do anything...

A weekend in the woods

I went away this weekend to visit some old friends and spend some more quality time in forests. This did mean I had to go camping which is something I can't pretend I really enjoy. This might be because every time I do sleep in a tent I drink myself into ruin and thus wake up with a stinking hangover without easy access to bloody mary's

I went for long rambling walks through woodland, completely alone which was delightful. I made a point of losing myself in the moment, I've been doing too much thinking recently. I tend to examine problems thinking them through and looking at them from different angles to find a solution, which is an asset at work but can make you think too much about relationships. Some things shouldn't be examined too much, if you sit too close to the ballet the magic disappears.

Electricity

I was just showing something to A, to do this I had to sit on her desk. Anyway, showing her the thing involved close contact, faces getting near.

'Did you feel that?' asked A.
'Feel what?' said Louche.
'That electricity, when are faces get close together I feel sparks'
'I say'

Further testing has revealed that if either of us get into close proximity we both feel tingles under the skin.

Everyone likes me, but you.

There is something in the air, girls that I know are suddenly making moves at me. Yesterday alone I had three very strong come-ons from girls. Including this gem via text which I feel I should share as an example of 'not mixed signals'. In the text before I had said she could take me out to lunch if she really wanted and asked how her dog was.

'Aw you liked my dog come to my place and ill cook you dinner. Cheeky monkey. Im lovely and tanned you'd love it. You still single?'

In the same day an old business contact asked me to Regents park for pimms and a girl I hadn't spoken to in months asked me if I fancied going to see an opera with her.

*sigh*

At least it is nice to get clear signals from some girls.

Yesterday I met up with my old assistant for some drinks with the Ice Queen and a few others of the Hitchcock blonds. We met in a slighty dog-eared wine bar off Regents Street and drank cheap wine and cackled. Supper dates were set and holidays co-ordinated. My mini-break to Devon is going to be awfully fun now, I just need to book the time off.

Soho

I went out for a few drinks with A last night, we were supposed to go to the show at the Hayward but I had to work late because some other people were being slow and combined with the tube issues we were not able to get there in time.

As much as I love Soho it isn't really a replacement for going to a gallery. For me Soho is a place you escape to and have manly adventures. We went to a little pub and had pints and talked. It was pleasant enough. I think A wanted to make a big night of it but it didn't happen for a couple of reasons. Mostly due to cash, I'm trying to be a bit more intelligent with my finances rather than just spending ALL my money on getting pretty girls drunk.

We had a bit of a tiff on the way back, I can't remember why it came up but A had been repeating herself, telling the same stories to me again. And it was my fault for not letting her know that she was repeating. I had actually said words to that effect, by the slightly more subtle
'Oh yes, you've mentioned this before'

but that wasn't good enough I should have told her off more forcefully. We didn't part on the best of terms, but I'm sure things will better in the morning.

On the plus side, A's friend who she is visiting this weekend is a jewellery designer so would be delighted by the book I got for an ex-girlfriend.

My feathered friend

I was writing my blog and a Finch just flew into my room and sat down next to me. It chirped at me a bit and then did a lap of the flat. I managed to catch it after a while and I took some photos before setting it free.

It seemed a bit shocked by the whole episode but flew off happily after saying goodbye.

Oh what a pretty dance we do.

One thing I didn't mention from Sunday is that I got a flirty text from A. I asked her if she wanted to come along to the family thing but after much cerebating she declined. Her text was about that, and as because I am playing it cool I decided not to reply.

I found out on Monday she was slightly peeved by my lack of reply as she wanted to have a flirty conversation. This is all part of my new plan. Sadly, as much as I regret to admit it, girls don't appear to want a chap who dotes on them. Not at the beginning at least. A whole seduction can be completely derailed by sending flowers too early, or giving a gift that is a little too well thought out.

Anyway, my new plan is to be a bit remote, and it is working. A and I are going to go on a 'not-date', just the two of us to an art gallery on a private view where I have arranged for us to get VIP treatment.

There were quite a few silly episodes today, someone brought in profita rolls and we all had some, A ate them in a messy way to try and shock me and then asked for a kiss on her chocolatey mouth. So I did. The whole of today was very flirty, we shall see how tomorrow is...

How weekends should be.

This weekend has been well played out. It's not been one of the greats where you wake up next to a beautiful woman and find out you really do have a lot on common, or the one where I ended up going to Glastonbury on my own, but it's still very good.

On Saturday I woke up early, so I cycled up to Hampstead Heath to climb the hills a couple of times and do a proper work out. Mid-way through my adventure I decided to go on stroll to the bits where cyclists couldn't go. I explored all sorts of exciting woodland paths where the shadows from the trees dapple you like a tiger and finally came to rest next to a bench with a lovely view of the heath. I sat down and admired the view while pondering all the things that are currently making me stressed. It was lovely to spend an hour or so just thinking with no pressure to be somewhere else. I value my alone time with nature and this was some real quality time.

After this I cycled back to the flat to drop off my bike before strolling to the shops to get the weeks food. As is now my morning ritual I stopped in a café for a Salt Beef Bagel and a coffee before I went to the supermarket. I've been day-dreaming about cooking again, proper cooking for a week now so all the bits and bobs I picked up were ingredients, proper raw ingredients ready to be crafted into food.

When I went out with L and A we were talking about cooking, I love to cook for people. It's one of my favourite expressions of affection. It is one of the places I feel most at home, in a kitchen making something complicated with passion while I listen to loud classical music and take ever increasing swigs of wine from an oversized glass. It's at it's best when there is someone else there to make sample the sauces and give their opinion on what you are making.Luckilyy my female friends are more than happy to forefill this role when I am between girlfriends.

At midday on Saturday my flatmate took me to see the England game in Canary Wharf. It was rammed and very loud. I'm not really a football fan, I don't really watch any sports but this was an experience. The roar when the first goal was scored was very special. It was jolly hot and you could almost hear people's skin crisping in the sun. In the second half a lady gave me a hug and a kiss before she realised she didn't know me, it was quite amusing and she went bright red.

After the match was over the mass of people milling around reminded me of a zombie film, slightly blank faces shambling with a very detectable undercurrent of violence. Some chaps were kicking in a sign for some reason only known to them. I think they liked the loud bang it made.

It was nice to get back to the flat, and I set about making a pizzas. The dough turned out beautifully and the whole thing was very successful. I have enough to last me several days and there is nothing like pounding dough to get rid of any anger you might have going spare.

Most of Sunday was taken up with visiting my nice Aunt. The trip across London wasn't great, it was at the hottest part of the day and engineering works forced me to take two very hot buses.Luckilyy the event was wonderful when I arrived. My Aunt had invited an interesting selection of people, half of whom were psycoanalysts. We drank chilled white wine before going through to the garden to eat. The table was set out in the shade of a huge tree but hats were still provided for those who might want them.

The meal was fabulous, today was a day for chilled soup. After the meal we scampered about the garden trying to track down thetortoisee, he has been in the family for more than 30 years so generations of cousins have read him stories and told him their secrets. I found the little chap in one of the bushes and we gave him a bath with the hose which he really enjoyed. I think Hunt the Tortoise is a perfect post lunch activity while you wait for the coffee to brew.

The Tortoise now cooled andhappilyy charging around the lawns, and us armed with coffee we retired to the drawing room where one of the guests played Beethoven for us on the grand piano, explaining the pieces before-hand so we could understand then better. It was a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

I even got a lift back to the flat with one of the guests so managed to avoid the tube, which rounded things off nicely.

Draws full of memories.

I've just finished organising my room. I feel fully moved in. One of the last things I unpacked was a box full of gifts who never got their homes. Typically they were well chosen presents for girlfriends with whom things ended before the gift could be handed over. There were books on jewelry, Betty Page purses and all sorts of carefully thought about gifts, gifts that will never have their proper home.

I keep them around because occasionally I have a guest who likes one of them so they get to walk off with a spur of the moment present.

I like buying presents it's just a shame sometimes they don't get to their proper homes.

The Omen

I went out last night to see the Omen with A, and L (who I work with, she is looks like one of the Corrs and has a lovely chap called Dan who came along too) we went to the pub for a quick drink after work and then went all the way to Islington to eat some food and see the film.

The food was so-so, my chicken was woefully over cooked but we had some very interesting conversations over supper. L is a firm beliver in that if relationships are a lot of work they aren't worth the effort, you could be missing out on good people. She got this point across to A rather strongly, citing specific examples of her previous misadventuers. She also said that you should go out with people you just get on with, in a really easy way. Like A and I do.

I don't know if A took it on board re: our situation but it can't hurt.

I cycled in to work today, it was fast and I didn't experience any crime at all which was jolly pleasant. I think I'm going to do some more cycling this weekend, it's having a wonderful effect on my figure which is very pleasing. I really should go and get some tight vests or something to show off all my new interesting bumps (the ones not on my head)

And I have new curtains and a throw for my bed. It's mildly disturbing how much soft furnishings can cheer a chap up. This weekend my room will make some big steps towards being presentable.

Oh what a night

Last night was strange.

I cycled home taking a new, much shorter route. It was turning out to be much faster so I was feelnig rather jolly. At Kensington Highstreet I came across a group of youths (7 or so 17-18 year-olds) engaging in a fight with belts, which was rather vicous. As I had my do gooder hat on I stepped in between the two groups and said

'Look chaps, what ever you are fighting over it's not worth it'

They got a bit shouty and waved belts at me but I didn't back down, so it all broke up and I went back on my way.

As I continued my journey zooming around the streets I was pondering if Karma did exist and if I would get some sort of pay back for my efforts when I felt a solid object hit me on the back of the head.

A chap in a passing van had thrown a waterbomb at my head half filled with builders sand and it knocked me for six. I can remember as I fell off my bike that I must not forget the liscence plate so I repeated it to myself as the pavement had an interaction with my face. Thankfully I was wearing the cycle helmet that everyone at work had been laughing at earlier and I didn't gain any additional marks.

I called the police and they wanted me to report it in my local police station which I will have to do today.

I managed to get home (still in fairly good time, apart from the crime this new route is much better) and I met up with my friend and showed her my flat, I wasn't in the mood for cooking so we ordered some food and wine to be delivered and had that. It was nice to catch up, and she only tried to kiss me twice which I thought was very restrained of her.

Work, work, work.

Today was work work work work work. I had to do my usual Tuesday thing, which I'm hugely proud of AND I had to do another extremely tricky task. With out wanting to get nerdy on anyone it was one of the more difficult challenges I have been presented with at work, after defeating it I demanded a medal, and it better be a good one.

It was very stressful but this is definitely one I can file under 'reasons why I should get paid more'.

A and I had a very pleasant lunch, we got sandwiches and went for a sunbathe in the graveyard. I know that sounds rather morbid but it is the only green space for miles and it is lovely and wild. I used to walk through it to work every day so it has a special place in my heart. Being out of the office and in the sun really helped relax me so I could return to my tasks and not have my brain leak out of my ears.

Of course when I returned everyone in the office thought I had just had a shag as my hair was all ruffled and my clothes creased. It was a very silly afternoon in the office, I blame print week and high temperatures. Tomorrow will be even worse.

Work, moving and flirting.

Monday was a rush, I had loads of work, had to move the final selection of my things out of my old flat and A was being very flirty. Lets deal with these in order.

Work is manic at the moment, we have 5 new people starting this week, which for a fairly small company is a massive increase. Plus we had a couple of work experience girls come in as well. We have actually run out of desks. It's fun to have the office so alive with people, I hope it all works out. Thankfully I still have my early mornings for quiet time.

I got the final selection of things from my old flat last night, it mostly consisted of (and this is not a fabrication in the slightest) P.G. Wodehouse books, cocktail making equipment and top hats. For future reference top hats are a Dickens to transport about with out a decent hat box. It was a bit sad saying goodbye to the flat that I have spent the last 3 years in (the entire time I have been in London), and that is tied in with so many memories. Not that many wild parties but lots of good times with chums and girls. Is it wrong to feel so sad about just a flat?

A was very flirty today, massively so and then someone at work accused us of having an affair. I've been getting this for a while but I think this is the first time A experienced it. I protested the sad truth rather strongly which I later found out offended A a bit. She thinks I should have gone 'yes, we are at it like rabbits'. I don't think she quite gets that as her boss I can't really make claims like that. It wouldn't be proper. Or perhaps I'm just being stuffy?

I went to see A do another gig last night, it was an excellent gig she was really alive on stage and the rest of the band were clearly having a really good time too. I spent most of the gig at the bar with her manager making small talk. We stayed on to listen to the next act which was a very jumpy chap called Ivory who sang a rather potent ditty called 'F*ck the boys in blue' to a hip-hop/drum and bass tune. He was a very entertaining performer.

After the gig A and I strolled along Upper Street looking for somewhere to eat, we settled on a lovely little French place, tucked away on a side street. It was lit by candles and the wine was fabulous. We talked about all sorts of nonsense and it was very pleasant. I was a bit quiet due to a mixture of being tired from moving and feeling a dash sad about moving house but we still had a good time and I manged to make her giggle more than once.

We parted ways at the tube, she hugged me for an excessive amount of time and then kissed me on the lips twice. My legs went a bit tingley.

What a lovely day.

I've had a great sunday. I woke up stupidly early so I decided to use my time wisely and cycled over to Hampstead Heath to do some exploring and some extreme hill climbing. I nearly fell off my bike when I took a root rather too fast with the intention of jumping and it provided much more of a lift than I expected, this caused me to cackle with the simple glee of not having spacked out all over the hill. I'm not sure what the other people in the park thought of me.

After a bit more hill climbing I zoomed home and had a shower before setting off to Spittlefield to meet some complete strangers.

Or actually not meet them, we arranged to do a 'cookie' drop like KGB style spies, I was told were the package was and went to retreve it. That part went well and then a strange chap asked me for my cookies. It was very surreal - it turned out he was a pal off the people so once the confusion had been settled we went for a stroll around the markets. It is so very pleasant when strangers turn out to be friends you just haven't met.

It was lovely I had some wonderful food and brought a loaf of bread which is making me drool just typing about it. I also got a t-shirt I saw that I knew A would love. I'm not proud of getting her gifts but it just happened. I will sit on it for a while until the right time comes to hand it over, like when she is single.

In which we talk about forests.

I went to a forest yesterday, it was beautiful. I went with a load of friends and spent the whole day walking around and exploring. I don't know what it is about trees but just looking up through the canopy relaxes me like nothing else. It's akin to taking valium (or so I assume), after just five minutes of it I forget everything that is bothering me and just enjoy the moment.

Towards the end I was sat on a tree stump covered in moss watching the sun go down across the trees. It was stunning, the light edged everything with gold and swarms of insects danced around looking like they were alight because of the way the sun caught them. It was mesmorising and I could have stayed their for days just soaking up the atmosphere.

I love the country side so much, I live in the city, and I do like it but I will always be a country boy at heart.

Money

A started tossing a coin this afternoon, I asked why and it was because her chap wasn't able to make it down for their meeting to discuss if they had a future. She was tossing the coin because he had said she could come and see him in Manchester this weekend if she wanted, but he didn't really mind either way.

She had planned to be going down to Devon to see a friend, I'm much more pro this idea as this friend has ordered her to marry me, and we have never even met.

She did some more coin tossing but the results were inconclusive.

In other money matters I just checked my bank balance and it was considerably less than I thought it would be. This is going to make things tricky.

Female friends, blindfolds and muffins.

Ah, Female friends are such a boon. Every chap should have a plethora of them to hand.

It is one of those magical things that one can always spot the problems and solutions in other people's relationships that makes people so handy to have around. Plus you can go shopping with female friends and they are unlikely to engage in competitive farting.

During this slightly confusing period with A my female chums have been invaluable. Women folk, I salute you.

I've managed to sort out my sleeping issues a bit more, thankfully I work in just the sort of office that has blindfolds just cast aside on desks. I have a very snazzy one now with 'that tickles' on it, which while also being rather becoming has the added benefit of meaning I shouldn't get woken up by the light streaming into my room at 5am. As a longer term solution one of the ladies in the office has some old navy curtains I can have so that should sort out the problem longer term.

I went for lunch with A and was perfectly pleasant. We talked about all sorts of things apart from relationships and then, when we returned tot he office she started throwing bits of muffin at me. Which quickly turned into a food-fight/light wrestling.

If I wasn't affecting an air of disinterest I would take that as a rather good sign.

A Cad, a bounder and most definitely louche.

I'm not a terribly nice person when it comes to women normally. Well perhaps nice is the wrong adjective, I don't say nasty things to them or hit them but I do have a bit of a history as a bit of womaniser.

I've had jealous boyfriends pull guns on me, or arrange for gangs of unworthy characters to attack me in nightclubs because of my actions. In business meetings girls have slipped their hands on my knee and made it very clear that should I go around for a coffee, then they would give my company favourable terms.

I even escaped getting arrested once on the condition that I took the policewoman out to the theatre.

I do okay with women. There is even a discarded blog on the internet detailing my misadventures, abandoned when I realised I didn't want to become that sort of man.

Thankfully I haven't but it has swung the other way. I've become the victim, completely enthralled by a woman who isn't even available.

Well it stops here, right now. If things do work out with A, well thats nice, if not well that's nice too.

Louche is back.

Conflict

Well A was is in a better mood today, sadly this is because she is going to try and make things work with N. They are going to take a couple of weeks 'out' and see how things are.

Just when you think you are making some progress...

Complicated.

Girls, are complicated.

A appeared today and was pretty shell-shocked looking to say the least. She is clearly very cut up about breaking up with the chap - even the break up isn't as clear as it could be. We went for lunch and she cried a bit about stuff, I didn't really know what to say - so I lent her my favourite hankie.

It was strange, for moments there were flashes of the happy her, the one I knew so well and then she would return to this slightly fragile girl who was rather confused about the whole situation. It seems she isn't entirely sure if the breaking up was a good idea because she feels so bad. I feel slightly trapped as through all of this I have been only able to hint at my emotions towards her, so who knows if she is aware of how I feel?

The Ice Queen had this advice.

Even if a relationship is coming to an end anyway, if you meet someone else it is then very hard to work out if the relationship is ending because it's run out of steam, or is it because you're all excited about this new person.

You don't want it to be because you met the new person because a) that makes you the bad guy, & b) perhaps you're not giving your current relationship a chance because you've got a novelty distraction on the scene.

If you split up with your long term partner you also don't want to start seeing someone else IMMEDIATELY as again - you're the bad guy....and also are you on the rebound, in which case you've hurt everybody.

V much friends for now as she'll need space to be on her own for a bit.

So it is a waiting game now, a painful one too. I remember sharing with her during one of our drunken adventures that my greatest fear was seeing friends in trouble and being unable to help. It seems in part, that I am now in that situation.

I was talking to a male friend about it all, the typical masculine reaction to the same situation is so very different, almost the opposite. The emotions are bundled away into the dark cave of the male mind and then the chap moves on, as briskly as possible.

I'm working late tonight, as is traditional on Tuesdays. I'm exhausted (I've been in since 6am) and tonight I have to do the final stage of packing so I am completely moved out.

Monday

Monday was lovely, I went and did some shopping at the nearby temple to capitialism so I have some food in the flat. I splashed out on a hunk of lamb so my flatmate and I could have a big meal to mark the historic occasion of moving in. It turns out he is a bit of a would-be chef too so a bit of good natured competitive cooking is going on between us so we should eat very well.

I also met up with my old friend Mac who I rather got out of touch with because we were opposite sides of London. Now we are far, far closer we will met up for coffee a lot more. It's nice to live close to an old friend again.

The afternoon was spent cooking the feast for us while watching Zulu and then I went for a bike ride to Hampstead Heath. I had no idea the Heath was so high up. It was really enjoyable exploring little winding lanes of Hampstead on my bike, I was even lucky enough to do it while the weather was good.

I love a good bike ride, there is nothing like it for lifting my mood so when I returned to the flat I was buzzing with good humour. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading and napping, it was lovely.

Then of course I got the call from A.

Mondays are marvellous.

Breaking news

A just called. She has split up with her boyfriend...

Karma, 16 pints and lazy Sunday afternoons.

I'm a firm believer in Karma. Or more specifically if you do nice things for people for no reason it tends to pay off, although that in itself is a reason I suppose.

I got this flat through Karma. Earlier this year I got a complete stranger a preview copy of a T.V. series because I could, nothing more than that. Then six months later they mention in passing (after we had become friends) that they needed a flatmate and suddenly my housing crisis is over.

I had my first night out in West Hampstead last night, we went to a great little pub and drank real ale from those special pint glasses with handles. I felt no small measure of pride that at the end of the night our bill was just '16 pints'. It was a good pub trip, I got enjoyably drunk and laughed a lot which is what going to the pub should be all about. Pubs are for drinking with chums, and bars are for talking to pretty girls.

I've had a lovely Sunday so far, I've been strolling around Hampstead, stopping for a coffee in one of the millions of places dotted around. Occasionally buying food from a myriad of little shops specialising in different things.

The sun is streaming in through the windows and I'm just to lounging on the sofa watching more episodes of Curb your Enthusiasm while eating feta cheese. I might go for a walk later to the heath.

It's all very nice, but I must admit I am slightly restless. I Would much rather be spending time with A. Everything I'm doing today would be so much more pleasant if I could do it with her.

Well there is always next weekend...

My new flat

I'm typing in it right now, I can see lots of trees and hear bird song, well hear some bird song over the loud jazz coming from the kitchen.

This is going to be a good flat to live in. The first half of the move went well, I forgot a couple of things which I may have to go back for tonight rather earlier than expected I can't do without my music for that long.

Yes, I rather like West Hampstead

The Pub and Vivian

First off I would like to apologise for the slightly wonky English in the last post, I had been drinking champagne all afternoon.

After that post we (work people) all charged into our local for a traditional Friday drink, well a bit more than that as it was someone's birthday and also the final day of our work experience girl, Vivian.

Vivian spotted from day 1 that my intentions towards A were slightly more complicated than just a work friendship, and instantly grilled me on it. She is a straight talking woman and very amusing.

Anyway as she was leaving, she used the pub time to grill me further, but also to grill A. Female friends are so fabulous sometimes.

As she switched between the two of us having 'private chats' she got more enthused. Apparently she had a bet on with someone else in the office about how long it would be until A and I were an item. Currently she puts it at 1 week. This is after having a pretty frank conversation with A.

Oh but the evening doesn't end there, A and I had a chat. Probably a repetition of the chat we had the Friday before but this time I remember it. She said I would be easier to work with if I was some un-attractive really old man. Some other things were talked about too, it appears the attraction is very much mutual.

The rest of the evening was spent laughing with the girls about silly things and I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but A and I started holding hands under the table.

As we left to go our separate ways the subject of kissing came up again. I said I wasn't going to try and kiss her and she asked why. To which I replied

'I don't want to be drunk when we first kiss'

She approved.

Next week is going to be very interesting.

There are moments you remember.

A and I just nearly kissed, we got with in that magical range when you are an inch away from someone's face and the slightest movement makes it into a kiss. I can't remember why, oh yes we were talking about inappropriate behavior (she wanted me to give her a massage on her shoulders - She knows I give good ones) and I said a worst thing to be caught doing would be getting something out of her eye, as it involves being very close to someone and looks suspicious from the outside.

Anyway, I said it was a 'routine' because it involved going into 'that zone' with someone where you are close and the phereomones start to kick in.

I demonstrated again, A started to giggle because she was getting tingles in her lips because we were so close. You can't fight the tingles. We checked again and when she gets close she gets the tingles.

Changes

This month has been full of changes. When I look back at it stretching behind me some of them were not entirely unexpected. I always think change is good, I probably have a slightly too high opinion of it.

I'm going to see a flat this weekend in North London, just on the edge of Hampstead. This will mean my commute into work will be a bit longer but on the plus side I will get to cycle through Hyde Park every morning.

Hampstead is one of my favourite places in the world, when I first came up to London and I found out I had a job I went for drinks with my friend Mac in Hampstead. We ended up in some fantastic little pub off a main street and had pints of real ale. It was snowing and I nearly fell over, twice. Someone in the distance was playing an accordion, something jaunty and French sounding.

I nearly ended up moving it with Mac, which I think would have been really good fun. I even get on with his girlfriend, now wife. Before that could happen I found a place in Chelsea and the rest history, still I'm sure I will see more of Mac again now we are in the same part of town.

The whole move is exciting, it will give me a fresh start to London. I think a new beginning is in order. Plus Hampstead has the-most-girls-I-find-attractive-per-head-of-population, so perhaps I can find some fun woman to go out shopping with and to the occasional show who is actually single.

I'm out of the office for most of today, visiting some people who have been very naughty and telling them off.

Lingerie, Daniel Cleaver and Flats

My word I feel unwell. Last night was brutial. It was a manly bonding sesson rather than a talking to girls night out, which was good as there hasn't been any of that for a while and it's important to get on with the people you work with.

The Lingerie show was a bit so-so. It was the launch of a new swimwear range for a very up-market brand but it wasn't terribly inspiring. The cocktails were good though which made up for it, and I drank an awful lot of them with the chaps. One of them had to leave early because he was disgustingly drunk but the rest of us continued on to another few bars ending up in some place in the middle of Soho at closing time.

I was not well this morning.

Today is a good day, even with an Clash of the Titans style hangover for the following reasons.

1) Last night a good friend mentioned in passing he is hunting for a flatmate. The flat is in a great area and is actually below my price range. I'm going to see it on Saturday.

2)Yesterday A said I was like Daniel Cleaver (of Bridget Jones fame), I'm taking that as a compliment. I get quite a few people saying that I remind them of Mr Grant, I think it is mostly the combination of floppy hair and the accent.

3) A and I were playing the truth game yesterday, it got very rude and I ended up making her blush when I asked her a specific question. The blush was all the answer I needed.

S, Lingerie and Jerry Springer.

Well it appears I could end up moving in with S, yes S of the blond hair who I had a bit of a thing about earlier in the year. I find out tomorrow if it is a go (as she has to clear it with her mother) and it will only be for a few weeks, but I think these could be awfully fun weeks.

I'm working late tonight, it is the special Tuesday where I have to work silly hours. Hopefully things will get more normal in a few weeks time and I will be able to do my preferred activity of getting ruined with chums. Speaking of which my 'week of sobriety' hasn't got off to the greatest start, I'm meeting some friends for boozy cocktails tomorrow and then the annual party of one of my favourite brands of lingerie is happening, the last one was amazing.

And on Friday H, is having another of her parties. These are important parties as the last one I went to I had an amazing time and a bit of an epiphany which resulted in my life changing direction quite significantly. I wonder if anything as exciting will happen at this one?

Flirting today was fairly normal with A, she told me off for not looking at her breasts enough (I have been trained to maintain eye contact no-matter what the temptations) and was suitably impressed by the card I made for her mother.

In the afternoon she had arranged a little skit with the gay sales chap upstairs (who is brilliant fun) where they fought over me for my attentions. It was all very Jerry Springer and I didn't quite know how to react.

Old Friends

I saw A perform again last night, and she got to meet one of my oldest friends. He approves of her which is strangely important to me, I think because he knows me much better than most people.

We went for some food afterwards and caught up (he has been in the states for a while) which was lovely. I was going to go to the states with him but the things with my father rather stopped that. Still it looks like we may go back in September. His brother has a lovely house there with two deeply charming dogs, so we are welcome when ever we want. It's not the best thing for the waist-line to visit him but it is good for the soul.

I have spent most of the morning making a pop-up card for A's mothers birthday, I seem to be making a lot of things out of paper these days.

Rain, Pokémon and action plans.

In films if it rains a character is changing, the rain is used as a metaphor for rebirth; this weekend has been awash with changes.

Friday, as I have mentioned, was special. Saturday was special too, but in a very different way. Sunday has been a time of action plans.

Let’s talk first of Saturday. The fetish club was a very enlightening experience, and was in parts exactly how I expected and yet also completely alien.

The attire was fabulous; some people were deeply imaginative in their fetishes. I've never really considered Pokémon erotic and yet, I don't think I will ever be able to look at Pikachu in quite the same way now. Other people really hadn’t put that much effort in, combat fatigues or in one case a blue sarong really don’t fit in with the theme of the evening, being under-dressed is not a vice I enjoy being exposed to.

The people watching at this event was also superb, it might just be that I was paying more attention because I wasn't joining in, or perhaps the clothes people were wearing just made it easier to gage their mood from their body-language.

Couples were really the only people I could see having a great time, everyone else seemed to be waiting for something to happen to them or trapped in their own world clearly trying to deal with some issue. Every sofa around the venue had the same composition - a couple engaging in 'heavy petting' with a depressed looking person sat in the end.

I saw some interesting sights, one of the stage shows involved a girl being suspended in a web of hooks, accessorised with bandages across her face and breasts held in with pins inserted into her flesh. I must admit I don't consider myself a prude but if a girl wanted to engage in 'hook play' with me I would have to go for quite a long walk to think about it.

Aside from that the only remotely uncomfortable moment was when the Ice Queen and I ventured into the couples only section of the dungeon. Concealed behind curtain was a writhing mass of humanity doing all sorts of things. Inches away from my face three men were engaging in enthusiastic sex and I felt a strangers hand rise up the inside of my trouser leg. The Ice Queen was having a similar experience so we quickly left and retired to the (now comparatively safe) dungeon.

The Ice Queen is still very annoyed with the one chap she ever really liked (and through very bad luck he turned out to be a bit of an arse) so was looking for someone to vent some rage on, I was looking for more drinks. They didn’t serve cocktails, which is probably a good thing as a can of lager cost £4. I’m amazed people can afford to be kinky with prices like that.

We left at about 5am and got a cab back to the Ice Queen’s house, I fell over in the spare room, pausing only long enough to remove my clothes before falling into a deep, deep sleep. Two late nights were starting to take their toll.

Sunday was spent laughing about the adventures last night and devising action plans for the coming week. As far as the Ice Queen is concerned I have done everything I can re: A and thus it is just a waiting game, if anything is going to happen of course.

I also got a phone call from my Aunt which means I am going to have to move out of my flat in 2 weeks time, I’ve been here since I moved to London (3 years now) and I’m feeling a little bit sad, still change is good and all that.

So my action plan for this week is
1) Write start of a book
2) Find somewhere to live

Pastries, thoughts and rope bondage.

A stayed the night. So when I had got myself together a bit, I popped out to get some pastries and fresh fruit for us, I believe in doing Saturday mornings properly. As I walked the streets of Chelsea getting the supplies I thought about the situation I am in.

I have a really good friend in A, and when ever we spend time together it is brilliant. But she does have a boyfriend, so maybe it will never be more than what it is right now and in a way I am fine with that. Last night was fantastic, even if it didn't end quite how I would like. It's not just that I want to kiss her, I do, but it's a bit more than that. I want to have her in my life, even if it is in a limited way.

When I returned from my shopping trip we ate pastries and watched old films while she dozed on me. I felt content, really content, it's just such a shame it had to end. I really am disgustingly fond of A.

I'm going to a very risqué party tonight with some of the Polish blonds, it's not really my scene but they are always good value and I think it will be good for the soul to do something not A focused, especially if it involves people wearing rubber. Plus I'm sure my childhood spent sailing will become very useful when trying to learn Japanese rope bondage.

Ukrainian vodka, dancing and David Bowie

The party on Thursday was good, I got to meet a strange mix of people and ended up having my portrait taken for a 'live installation' because I had an interesting look or at least the artist's assistant wanted my phone number. I drank as much wine as I could but even so the whole event cooled down at around 10pm so I got a fairly early night really, not like last night...

I met up with A's manager in the pub as I am going to help her out with a couple of things and he thought it would be worth having a chat about this properly (I've met him a few times and he is an absolutely splendid chap) After a few drinks in our local pub the manager and the promoter scampered off to do various weekend things and A and I were left to our own devices, which is when the evening got good.

First we went to a brilliant little Italian place on the Old Brompton Road and had fantastic pizzas and two bottles of wine. We did some more sharing of dark secrets, real military grade secrets this time and when we finally moved on we were both absolutely ruined. A agreed that crashing at my flat (Which I have to myself this weekend) was the wisest course of action, so we stumbled off towards it, arm in arm.

Sadly we got distracted by what turned out to be a real gem. A Ukrainian bar appeared out of no-where (Actually I think it is a restaurant) so we ended up drinking passion fruit vodka with the owner and toasting in Russian. Once we moved on to the strawberry vodka we heard music downstairs and went to investigate. A chap was playing a guitar and singing folk music so we had a good dance to that while swigging back more interesting flavoured drinks (the owner gave us some free ones as well).

I think at some point while resting between songs we had a bit of a chat about the situation between us, although I'm not entirely sure. I say think because the entire evening is a bit of a haze, but it doesn't end there. I'm desperately trying to remember if anything useful was mentioned or not.

We arrived at my flat and A was blown away by the harbour, and wanted to go swimming in it (It is pretty toxic so that wasn't a terribly wise plan) but we did end up sitting in the rain, in not many clothes looking at the boats for a while before we ended up in my flat.

Again A was impressed by the flat and she scampered about investigating the rooms before falling in love with the balcony, at some point both our trousers got removed because they were wet. There is a 'gap' in my memory but we watched Labyrinth, or at least were in the same room while it played, in bed together. And then suddenly A was full of life again, from the healing power of David Bowie I assume, and scampered about demanding bed-time stories before she finally collapsed into the spare bed.

What a splendid evening. I'm still no wiser as to the situation between us but I think for the moment my hangover takes precedent. And yes, the photo above is an actual photo of said trousers this morning.

Ce Soir

It is the night of the South Bank Centre's Annual Party, and through luck I have managed to get a ticket. I'm still not entirely sure why I secured an invite but I fully intend to capitalise on such a thing.

I will be going on my own, which is often how I like it, all the best adventures have happened when I was off doing something new without the safety net of a friend. I'm trying to remember the last party I went to on my own, it seems like an age has passed.

In other news I was promoted at work, so now the flat-hunt can begin in earnest. I'm torn between getting a place near work with strangers or living with two lovely girls but quite far away from work. The girls would be awful good fun, although I fear it might increase my drinking habits to say the least.

Elocution, Islington and waiting

Ah Tuesdays, they are rapidly becoming my favourite night out. I had to work late, which was okay, if rather dull. The working late I had to do involved hanging around and then clicking a mouse on two hour intervals. I really need to factor out that to someone else, or at least remember to bring a good book in.

After I had clicked the mouse for the final time that evening I scampered across London to Islington. A and I were going to see a gig of some band called Kapute. There were pretty good, although three songs into the set when I was thinking dark thoughts about their elocution, I realised that they were actually singing in German.

A spent most of the evening telling me the downsides of going out with her and we talked about relationships and what makes them work, then we went to a fun little Belgian place on Upper Street.

We had quite a serious chat as she was saying I always just make quips and asides when the conversation gets deep. So we had a 'grown-up' conversation. I found out her deepest fear is that she will never be really loved, I shared that mine was being blind, and unable to help my friends.

Deep eh?

Not much else to report really, although every time we say goodbye at the end of the evening the embrace lasts a little longer. This waiting for someone else to make the first move is very tiresome, how do women put up with it?

Danger, is my middle name.

A just referred to me as dangerous and then said we shouldn't go out drinking together as that is dangerous - although clearly not that dangerous as we are going to a gig together tonight.

I've never had such a lovely compliment, dangerous - it just rolls of the tongue beautifully.

Building up

A said this, this morning

'I just feel like something is building up and up it is going to explode soon and I don't know if that is going to be really good or really bad'

She wouldn't tell me what this referred to.

Nipple tassels and hiding in the kitchen.

Today, was the flirtiest day I have ever had with A. First off she said that her friend who had been visiting that weekend (Who is also from Devon) said A should marry me, I've never actually met this friend so It appears A described me in a very positive way.

There was also a lot of needless body contact going on today, especially during the lunch we had together (it was her turn to cook something). We had a very pleasant luncheon, she had her guitar so we made up some silly songs and sang at each other.

The afternoon was spent arranging secret rendezvous' in the kitchen to see various photos and videos from her girl weekend, finalised with me making her some nipple tassels out of post-it-notes and paper; on her insistence I should add.

I'm having to stay late tonight because I have so much work to do now, and I don't care a jot!

Stains I have known.

Here are my top three stains I have known, recently updated.
1) The buttercup stains in between my toes, gained this weekend.
2) Lipstick the collar of my favourite summer shirt, placed their by A.
3) Burn marks on my boot-cut jeans from the time they accidentally got set on fire by a girl in Shoreditch, we ended up dating after that.

This weekend was troubling. I went down to Devon on Friday, turning down an offer to review a supper and cabaret place in the evening because I had to be in Devon for a memorial service (in hindsight I'm not sure I made the right choice - I could have gone with A).

The memorial service was strange, it was my father's side of the family, who I barely know. It was held at the tiny church near the old stately home my grandparents (whose passage we were marking) had owned. It was very country and very English, the vicar was tall, balding and awfully polite. The whole scene (apart from the cars) could have been from any age between the 1920 and the present day. Tweed is timeless. I met some real characters, the woman that seduced my father when he was 17, my slightly insane cousin who has been working on a 'film project' for the last 10 years, who happens to look exactly like James Spader, and my aunt who is obsessed with Princess Diana's death.

My father was there but I didn't really talk to him, if anything I blanked him and talked to other people. I still haven't quite worked out what I want to say to him yet.

The rest of the day was spent visiting my grandmother in her cottage and then relaxing, the memorial was pretty stressful so afterwards I just wanted to drink sugary tea and lie on the sofa with my cat Spider.

On Sunday I went for a walk around my mother's gardens and the meadows nearby. This was in place of my usual Sunday jaunt to Hyde Park.

One of the fields is now an orchid laced with vole-runs and teaming with wolf-spiders and other insects, but my favourite place was the meadow that was carpeted with buttercups; with the occasional dusting of forget-me-nots and dandelions.

I wondered through it barefoot and then, in the very middle where I was as far away from everything as possible, I had a lie down. Overhead house martins gambled about hunting insects, a bee buzzed past and sipped nectar from a buttercup just by my face. I could hear a complex chorus of birdcalls and the sun washed over me slowly warming me to the bone.

After something like that everything else is put into perspective.

Cocktails and Canapés

I say, what a strange couple of days I have had.

A's birthday was entertaining, the pace was some-what slower as we were both rather frazzled from the night before. I got to meet her band-members properly which was fun, they are very good chaps and we drank Strawberry Daiquiris and talked nonsense. I left at about midnight so that actually counts as an early night.

Last night was the opening night of an awfully jolly burlesque bar. A went as my plus one (or hot date as she put it). The shows were very enjoyable and the cocktails were good. A was dressed in black, I was wearing a white linen suit with a yellow cravat. I was given a fan by a chap in a wig and then spent the rest of the evening playing with that. Fans are excellent, you can be brilliantly expressive with them and they by far and away the most graceful way of cooling down.

I feel decidedly unusual now after being on the party circuit for the last few days, I need some time away from cocktails and canapés

A choice.

I have to decide if I'm going back to Devon this weekend to see the family and have a confrontation with my Father. There is a dedication of the graves of my grandparents on my Father's side, so large amounts of the clan will be there which will be interesting.

But this will involve seeing my father and there are few things that fill me with more dread but alas, this is something I'm going to have to deal with if I ever want to be able to have a normal relationship with anyone, especially people whose names begin with A.

On the plus side Devon is lovely in the summer, the air is heavy with insects and the warm breezes of the hills surround you like a wool blanket. The geese are fun too, my mother keeps large amounts of strange fowl just because she likes them.

I like the way that geese examine you so thoroughly and with just the right amount of contempt before either biting your trousers or waddling off to see what is happening at the pond.

What does one wear to a dedication of a grave? I don't have a good black suit anymore, and my beautiful linen summer suit wouldn't really be right for the occasion.

It worked, sort of

A and I were discussing last night with the rest of the possy. The fact that I had got a phone number off one of the dancers (it for an entirely innocent reason, well mostly) came up and A got a bit huffy. A bit later on I was listening to some of her friends music - A great little tune called Fireflies and she said

'Are you trying to make me jealous on purpose?'

Then we had a chat about office affairs (She brought it up), the conclusion - it's a high-stakes game but sometimes it can be worth it.

I'm going to her Birthday party tonight, I am exhausted but it's time to pull on the sleep reserves, tonight could be important.

Drunk

I'm still drunk from last night, my eyeballs feel warm, I have a hole in my trousers caused by a fork and I have wand that I stole off a magician.

It was a good night. Sadly the plan of talking to lots of other girls didn't really work as it wasn't really a night for that sort of thing. We were sat on a table and then we set about the two bottles of vodka we had been given.

I can remember kissing A to wish her happy birthday but no-tongues were involved so I don't think that really counts.

Also, and this is more shocking. One of the work experience girls came up to me and told me she knew I adored A, she could tell. Clearly I should work on being more subtle.

I'm going to go and find some painkillers now.

I have a plan

There is a work bash tonight, that is going to be full of pretty girls, A will be going with me (with a load of other work people) and I am going to spend the whole eveing talking to OTHER girls and being all charming.

Yes I know this whole 'ignore her to make her jealous' thing has never actually worked him the films but they don't have as nice socks as I do and talking to pretty girls at clubs is what I do best.

I will keep you posted on how the evening goes.

The zone

There is a place all men fear when persuing a woman. It is a place that inspires a cold terror in even the bravest man.

Once you have entered it, it is almost impossible to leave and you are damned to a life of slow torment. The worse thing is that you get to this place through good will, it's not a hell reserved for the wicked or the cruel it's a place that nice people go, and that is probably the problem.

I'm talking about 'The Friendship zone', even saying the name sends a shiver down my spine. Nothing is more feared during the course of courtship, and sadly I think I am heading towards it with A, if I'm not there already.

I've just been too nice.

The Ice Queen gives some good advice.

I went to the pub with The Ice Queen (She is called such because she is very good at controlling men, in a nice way) and she gave me some very timely advice about the A situation and I got to have a long chat about the family situation too - she had a similar thing with her father.

Here is her action plan (I had my PDA with me so I wrote it up)

Multi-point plan by The Ice Queen
1 A must make the first move
2 Make sure you are entertaining but make her ask for it
3 Only mention the bf if she mentions it. Don't have an opinion
4 Be entertaining but don't be forthcoming on her birthday
5 Arranging things to do is good, but only simple, immediate things

So what do you think internet?

swimming, dresses and the colour green.

Today I went swimming with A, this is part of our pact to get fit together. I went and saw her perform on Tuesday, 'rock A' is very sexy and I would have loved to have got ruined with her but alas I wanted to hold firm on my pledge to get fit.

Anyway, we went to the pool today and swam, not for long as A wasn't really enjoying it and the pool was packed. I got in about half and hour of hard swimming, concentrating on my upper body and I got to see A in a bikini, it was a beautiful deep green so it off-set her olive skin and it made me swim even faster.

After that we strolled up the King's Road towards Sloane square and she spotted some dresses she loved, this was in the dress shop that I said she would like last week (she has good taste). Then we talked about shoes for a while and I set her on her way.

It's over.

I don't care if some people say 'its just pheromones'.

I'm completely besotted and there is nothing I can do about it.

This is really annoying.

Well that told me.

After talking to various female friends I'm not allowed to hit on people I work with who already have boyfriends. Not at all. It is forbidden.

Thus I must learn to purge away my emotions which probably isn't helped by going to see A play a gig tonight.

I'm going to try and channel Merchant and Ivory and maintain a stiff upper lip. After all it's only repression, and I'm English, it's what we do.

Soppy post

A ended up taking a nap on me in the afternoon. We were in the front room with her sisters and she spread herself across me and fell asleep while her family and I talked about silly things. A is beautiful when she is asleep.

I really need to get a new topic to talk about, this is starting to annoy me. At least my favourite girl with curly hair is back in the country now and I will get to see her tomorrow.

Hitchin.

Hitchin was interesting, I have met the entire set of A's sisters and her mother. It's a all female household, spotlessly clean with a naughty little cat padding about.

A's sisters are charming, whitty and open to silly conversations, especially about how crap men are. There was a good bit where we played spot the least eligible man, it nearly got me in a fight with a burly chap wearing lots of gold but I feel it was an acceptable level of risk for the amount of laughter.

I must admit I felt like a bit of an invader by coming here, it's a female run house (like my mother's) and my role here isn't quite defined - I need to do some heavy lifting or perhaps fix a shelf. Ideally some sort of terrorist attack would happen so I could foil it while wearing a roguishly grubbly vest.

As I'm sure you can guess from the tone there was no kiss last night (Saturday), the stakes just seemed too high (if it goes wrong working together would be horrible) - plus I have a genetic weakness which makes it very hard for me to hit on girls I really like. I'm just not sure what's happened to me, maybe because I'm not used to encountering girls with long-term potential, or maybe just like her too much. It's probably just that even with a sterling effort on the part of the bars, I wasn't that drunk.

Either way the boyfriend wasn't a factor in the lack of a performance, he was dull boyfriend type 4b - small wirey with sensible hair. Not the type I would have guessed for such a moxy girl like A. Why do interesting girls go out with rubbish men? Is there just a set amount of charm one is allowed in a couple? How do couples decide who gets it?

I need to focus in the present rather than just day-dreaming about introducing A to my vast network of cousins or taking her on the family shoot - not matter how adorable she would look in a borrowed riding coat. I'm already attached to her, strangely so it's not just that I want to kiss her, it's more that I want to be involved with her - note the use of Italics.

I'm just not sure how to play this so I will have to be confused of Chelsea for a bit longer. Suggestions are welcome.

On the plus side have lipstick on my collar, A put it there. I'm looking forward to wearing it on the train home like a louche badge of honour. Lipstick marks elevate the 'walk of shame' it to something else entirely, more of a triumphant march of pride. Oh yes, I'm going to be swaggering down the King's Road later.

Socks appeal.

I always feel any situation can be handled provided one is correctly dressed. When I went to meet my father for the first time in 6 years I spent a lot of time thinking about my cufflink options, important days at work always involve at least a 20 minute session in the morning thinking about which cravat sends out just the right signals.

Currently I'm thinking about socks, I'm going to A's home town, when I will meet her mother and friends. It's a first impression so I am going to have to choose every item with real care.

Aside from all the sartorial questions involved with this there are some deeper ones. We do work awfully closely with each other - so any sort of daliance automatically has very high stakes, and I don't have, shall we say, the best track record regarding long term relationships.

It's not my fault though, I can't help it if girls are rubbish.

What I could really do with...

My old assistant B, designed this after quizzing me over the A situation. She also provided some very helpful websites.

The ultimate gold card.

Well it appears the boyfriend will be present on Sunday which rather takes the edge off the proceedings, still I'm sure it will be an entertaining trip.

I haven't quite worked out the intentions of A are, she occasionally sends me very rude emails at work for no reason than she is bored and often brings up the subject of sex when we are at lunch and when we walk along the road our bodies end up touching far more than is usual, and yet, she does have a boyfriend.

Anyway back to last night. I went out with any old friend who is very entertaining. She took me to help review a restaurant and then a couple of bars. This is always a good thing as a free meal never goes down badly and the places always give you impeccable service on the fear of getting a bad review.

We talked about all sorts of rubbish, she is currently seeing a new chap who sounds very nice and she provided sage advice on my 'family situation' and of course the issue of A.

It was awfully pleasant evening but one thought that stood out was that I realised that my friend's name is worth money. Just mentioning it at the bar or club got us instantly wooshed into the V.I.P. and then all the drinks were free, I can't think of a gold card that would get you the same level of service.

It's an office affair

I think I would like to have an affair with A, she is smashing. We get on awfully well in a flirty way, and I feel a bit strange when she talks to other boys. Could I be having a real grown up emotion? Am I becoming a real boy?

Difficulties that have to be overcome, before an affair can begin.

1) Her boyfriend, Nick

2) I don't do work affairs after the incidents surrounding my student newpaper days.

For now I think the current arrangement is one to preserve, we go out for drinks often have great lunches and laugh an awful lot. She has invited me back to her home town for Sunday night to meet a load of her friends which should be very jolly.

I'm going to have to start thinking about what to wear, after all I'm going to meet her friends and her mother. That's a tricky sock choice at the best of times.

Passing notes.

I took my new assistant (henceforth known as 'A') to a meeting today. It was a presentation by someone who does work for us about some online bits and bobs, as you can imagine it was a but dull. The people setting up the presentation had really put in an awful lot of effort with their branded goods. On our table were branded pads, pens, tea and sweets all in a sickly green.

As the meeting progressed I started to lose interest in it all, the speaker had a very monotone voice and liked to repeat things a lot. So I decided to write a note to A on my pad, this quickly progressed to a rather silly conversation which I thought I would share.

Louche - 'I bet I can eat more sweets than you'

*A & Louch both take sweets from the bowl*

A - 'Ha ha, I'm winning'

A - 'I'm the sweet queen'

Louche - 'It's not over yet, bitch'

A - 'You are going down'

Louche - 'I feel sick'

The game stopped her briefly as I had to ask some insightful questions to cover the fact that we were both shuddering with the effort of not laughing.

A - 'You smell of wee and poo'

Louche - 'Only because I hang around with you'

Louch - 'Louche RULEZ OK, A SUCKS!'

The meeting stopped then, which is probably a good thing as A was going bright red. Then we went to the local wine bar for a post meeting drink.

I never thought I would say this but meetings can be quite good fun.

Girls and Boys

During a moment of idle thought I was drawn to thinking about a girl I once knew called Harriet. She was lovely, pretty, funny, intelligent, perfect. Every man who met her fell in love with her but moments later. She wasn't interested in any of them because she longed after this other chap.

He was rubbish, he treated her terribly, was dull and wasn't even good looking. I just couldn't see the appeal (Harriet wasn't amused when I mentioned this), what is it about some girls who are drawn to men with no redeeming features? Most girls if they are really being honest admit to not being interested in men who have no money at all, but if this man has a criminal record or treats them like shit suddenly that is deeply compelling.

Girls are WEIRD.

My new assistant was talking about her boyfriend, she said he was very 'nice' when describing him. I thought it was a bit of a strange choice of adjective, but its good to see some girls at least going out with the nice chaps.

Q.F.C.

It's been a while since my last post, I've been busy doing things. Mostly involving drink but things none the less.

I'm currently dealing with a most striking hangover, I have a sharp piercing pain at the front of my head. I am going for a mini-picnic later which makes this conditional all the more challenging, how am I supposed to be pithy while sipping champagne in Hyde Park if even the thought of more booze makes me want to curl up and die.

My new concept at the moment is Q.F.C. AS I am seemingly incapable of being a part of the whole 'girlfriend' concept. My new approach is to spend quality time with a range of interesting girls simply because they are pleasant. No real commitment just jolly japes with fun fillies and that is it. This season it is all about Quality Female Company.

6AMs I have known.

I have had to come into work super early for some special stuff today, I slightly over estimated how long it would take me to sort out some computery stuff so I am at work at a loose end.

The walk in was quite pleasant, sadly the graveyard was closed so I couldn't have my usual ponder about life, death and Edwardian architecture on the way in so I started thinking of the 6ams I have known, I think it is quite a lonely time of day even if you are with people. Anyway here follows a list of notable 6ams, in no particular order.

1)6am at Glastonbury.
I went on the spur of the moment and blagged my way in. The reason I went is some Scottish friends called to say they had a spare ticket, they had neglected to bring a mobile so when I arrived I couldn't make contact with them. So I spent my first day there completely alone. I had packed the following
A spare Hawaiian shirt.
3 apples
Half a bottle of mead.
so I wasn't terribly prepared still it was a strangely magical experience.

2)6am in Scotland.
A friend was driving me to the airport to fly to Dallas to visit some people I didn't actually know. I had brought the tickets in a drunken haze and I couldn't cancel them. It was freezing cold, and I was slightly worried that when I arrived if something went wrong I had no way of contacting people I knew. It worked out fine and I had a great weekend

3)6am in Derby.
It was at a special festival type event that a friend runs, traditionally we get extremely drunk in a special white tent some friends own. It is a Nordic style circular affair and we make special cocktails and talk rubbish. I can remember stepping outside to go to the loos and seeing a sea of tents and hearing roars of laughter behind me. These festivals are great because you get to know so many people who go, if you are not careful it can take hours to leave with all the goodbyes you have to say.

4)6am in Chelsea
It was the second date with She-who-stole-my-heart, I had met her best friend in the whole world and she approved. She ended up coming back to my flat for some silly reason and we kissed in my kitchen, my knees went a bit shaky when that happened (I have never been so chemically attracted to a girl before, or since) Then we went back to my bedroom.
Things were starting to get rude but I rather held back, she was considerably more drunk than I. I think this ultimately ruined things, by turning her down I moved into 'friends' territory. I walked her to get a cab and she held my hand while whispering how well I had done that evening. We saw each other since but it became one of those strange on-off things that never quite happened.

Spring

It's been a while since I did a 'that's a bit gay' post. At the weekend I went handkerchief shopping, not just for one or two standard ones. I purchased a plethora of pretty pocket paraphernalia. I now have a collection of spring/summer hankies so that what ever the occasion I have a suitable accessory to match.

Now all I need are some summer gloves.

Houndstooth Horoscopes

I have devised a theory - Any day in which you see a lady in a houndstooth coat is going to be a good day. Through careful testing I can conclude that this theory might have 'some merit', mostly because interesting girls wear houndstooth.

In which we talk about the healing properties of velvet

I have started wearing my favourite velvet jacket as part of my spring/summer look. The long coat has been put away for a while.

This jacket is amazing, it's a deep blue and gains more compliments than any other item of clothing I wear. I strolled down to the King's Road to get my hair cut and three complete strangers complimented me on the way back. I'm almost jealous of the jacket for all the attention it has been getting.

It has also being with my on some proper misadventures, on Monday I went to K's house for some drinks and talking about stuff. It was very pleasant and I ended up crashing on her new sofa. The rest of the week was spent going out to various bashes so by the time that Friday came around I was destroyed.

Also S texted me to see if I wanted to go for a bike ride, I haven't heard from her in ages. So clearly spring is in the air.

Shows

I have spent the last four days at the Vitality Show. If you have never been to this show it is a real experience. People take actual suitcases just to fill up with freebies, I pity those people.

The Thursday of the show was okay I suppose, the first day is normally quite good fun as it is all new and we had a load of entertaining people there. Of the two new girls we hired one of them had to leave because her brother had a car accident and the other turned out to be a real star. I think she is going to come and do some semi-regular work for us now which is nice. I would like to do rude things to her but if she works for us that can never happen, still it doesn't hurt to have pretty girls in the office.

In the evening was one of our work parties, I had invited hoards of girls including a few ex-girlfriends. Here is a run down of what happened on that night, in the style of the news at ten
Here are the headlines.
BONG
Two strangers grabbed my bum (1 girl, 1 boy)
BONG
A 'very nice' P.R. got drunk and showed me what a good lesbian she could be (I'm still not sure why), she also told me about how once she had a 'lezz-off' with another pole dancer and won because the other lady came over a punters knee.
BONG
I introduced K to a chap who runs an underwear company, she said she was an 'underwear stylist' and after about 5 minutes him and his business partner offered to fund her own rage of underwear.
BONG
Total count of exs for the evening was 4, the ex-porn star got a bit jealous of the attention being given to the fake lesbians so insisted on doing an impromptu photo shoot on the stairs on the way out. The bouncer said it was 'Great'
BONG
I did quite a lot of pole dancing, and and a female stranger stuffed a tenner into my pants.
BONG
Total bar bill for me, and I only arrived at 10pm - £211
BONG
I got a lift home in a two-seater Merc with a girl on my lap, we passed 8 police cars and they didn't spot it.

Not a bad night really.

I went home alone, through choice.

Friday at the show was harder, as everyone was hungover. In the evening we had the leaving drinks of B which was a very jolly affair, she said goodbye and everyone was very silly. I arranged a competition where A (who was working on our stand) had to hold a deck of cards in her mouth while B tickled her, bets were placed on how many cards would be spat out and a good time was had by all. B ended up going back to Henry's house for a cup of tea which is jolly exciting as I think they would get on very well, if it wasn't for the fact B is moving to Devon.

Saturday was even harder, more people were at the show but three days of it can break anyones spirit. We struggled through and I was so tired that I even turned down the offer of a house party with some fun people because I needed some sleep.

Sunday was the killer, four days of battling through the endless waves of show people combined with little sleep and the fact that all the girls had left (B was picked up by her mother at midday) so there wasn't even anyone to play with.

I have met middle England now, and I don't like it.

Right, I have to go and get ready for work, I have lost an entire weekend so this is my 8th working day in a row and I have quite important meeting, gah.