Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Girls, are complicated.

A appeared today and was pretty shell-shocked looking to say the least. She is clearly very cut up about breaking up with the chap - even the break up isn't as clear as it could be. We went for lunch and she cried a bit about stuff, I didn't really know what to say - so I lent her my favourite hankie.

It was strange, for moments there were flashes of the happy her, the one I knew so well and then she would return to this slightly fragile girl who was rather confused about the whole situation. It seems she isn't entirely sure if the breaking up was a good idea because she feels so bad. I feel slightly trapped as through all of this I have been only able to hint at my emotions towards her, so who knows if she is aware of how I feel?

The Ice Queen had this advice.

Even if a relationship is coming to an end anyway, if you meet someone else it is then very hard to work out if the relationship is ending because it's run out of steam, or is it because you're all excited about this new person.
You don't want it to be because you met the new person because a) that makes you the bad guy, & b) perhaps you're not giving your current relationship a chance because you've got a novelty distraction on the scene.
If you split up with your long term partner you also don't want to start seeing someone else IMMEDIATELY as again - you're the bad guy....and also are you on the rebound, in which case you've hurt everybody.
V much friends for now as she'll need space to be on her own for a bit.

So it is a waiting game now, a painful one too. I remember sharing with her during one of our drunken adventures that my greatest fear was seeing friends in trouble and being unable to help. It seems in part, that I am now in that situation.

I was talking to a male friend about it all, the typical masculine reaction to the same situation is so very different, almost the opposite. The emotions are bundled away into the dark cave of the male mind and then the chap moves on, as briskly as possible.

I'm working late tonight, as is traditional on Tuesdays. I'm exhausted (I've been in since 6am) and tonight I have to do the final stage of packing so I am completely moved out.


Kopaylopa said...

She should be proud of herself for breaking up with him if it wasn't right, and not leading him on. IQ is right, she needs to process, and jumping straight into something does make you feel a bit like the bad person. But doing the right thing (assuming it was the right thing) is a good offset for the sadness and she will get over it. Eventually.


Louche said...

Thanks for your wise words. I don't like this feeling of being unable to help.

tlsd said...

You're helping by just listening. Give her time, she needs to work through this ending before she can wholeheartedly start something.

If it makes you feel better you're behalving in the correct way, at least it's moving forward now.

Its always really difficult to let go of someone, even when you know its over. It's like letting go of a part of you, a connection to your past and memories you shared. She'll be fine, give her time.

Louche said...

Can you give me a rough idea of time-scale? Do I have time to grow a nice beard?

I still haven't moved out fully, I can't believe how much stuff I have these days.

Kopaylopa said...

Time scale is relative to the person and the situation. Minimum two weeks?


Louche said...

At least I will have some time to unpack then.

Would you like to see what she looks like?

Kopaylopa said...

Of course!

Louche said...

Okay, cough up an email address.

Kopaylopa said...
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