George Orwell's haircut

I've got a new haircut. I LOVE IT. it's a sort of 1930s haircut, short back and sides but messy on top. It's great. George Orwell would approve.

I can't remember that last time I was so pleased with a trim. To add to the fun, if I apply a bit of Brill Cream I can sport a proper Chap Magazine approved hairstyle. Ding dong.

Speaking of hairdressers. Has anyone noticed that the can have a wealth of nicknames that make them sound so dangerous? For example:

'Oooh who is your stylist? That look is fabulous?'

Can become

'Nice barnet, who is your scissorman?' Or my personal favourite 'I like the new look, who is your cutter?'

It makes it sound a bit Guy Richie.

I celebrated the new haircut by going and buying some new fancy pants and another tight t-shirt. They are my new weakness. I've still got to shift a few more pounds, which isn't helped by me needing a near constant supply of chocolate while I write, but still. I'll just hit the gym harder next week.

I've also been playing around with vegatables a lot. Not in a sexy way, but with my new grill machine. Courgettes are amazing grilled. So good that when you eat them you have to do a little dance. I eat them a lot now.

The cottage is far more pleasant in the summer. You can forgive it a lot more. I'll be almost sad to see the back of it now. Although not so sad to see the back of the garden. The hedges needs more attention than my girlfriend. Also concrete is no replacement for grass. I don't think anyone would consider and afternoon lounging around on the concrete with the Sunday papers.

Running like Rocky

I went for a run this morning before breakfast, which is something I thought people only did in films. I dragged my little brother along too and it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. We ran around one of the fields, so once that becomes far too easy we will start running around the wood, and then the larger field and so on.

So now the rest of the day can be spent feeling virtuous and glowing with good health no matter what I do. The sort of good health that lets a chap really enjoy Second Breakfast. For those who don't enjoy the West Country lifestyle here is the meal plan for a normal day.

Breakfast - Hearty, savoury food.

Second Breakfast AKA 'Crib' - Pointless food, anything that you don't need to survive so chocolates and cakes.

Brunch - Something savoury to keep you going until lunch time

Lunch - Again a large meal, typically featuring fresh bread.

Two o'clock Treat - Chocolate again, possibly a cake or two.

Afternoon Tea - Surprisingly large selection of food served with tea. Mixture of savoury and sweet.

Supper - Informal meal including a pudding.

Then for the extra hungry a midnight snack is allowed based around toast and cheese.

It's a good job I'm doing so much shovelling and running.

The chocolate question

People have very different tastes when it comes to chocolates. I suppose if you are eating something purely because it tastes nice you want it to be filled with things you like and if it isn't filled with something you enjoy eating then it has failed in it's cause.

Which is why I've been pondering the chocolate question. Should you date someone who likes the same chocolates or someone who likes different chocolates?

If they like the same chocolates then they clearly have good taste and you can bond over how nut clusters really are fine things and perhaps even become close by looking down on the people who like nougat. However ultimately you may come to blows because you will be fighting over the same chocolates in a mixed box.

Or you could date someone who likes different chocolates to you? So if you receive a box of mixed ones together you can happily polish off the whole container with each having total domain over the centres they like. Sadly I think over time the fact that they are the sort of reprobate who actually enjoys eating a strawberry dream might get to you. I mean if they enjoy that sort of unpleasant thing in their mouth who knows what other depravities might they be into?

It's one of those questions that isn't really about chocolates and probably doesn't have a right answer.

Living with a Bene Gesserit

Last night I explained the cultural importance of Dune (The David Lynch version) to T.P. This was part of her orientation for watching it tonight. You shouldn't hurry Dune the first time as if doesn't make much sense and you are say, a fiery latina who gives new things about 30 seconds to be rewarding before giving up you might not get the best out of it.

Anyway, in the film (and the book by Frank Herbert of course) there are these funny witch ladies called the Bene Gesserit, I mean funny as in weird not as in 'Three Fremen walk into a bar', anyway, these ladies can do a special voice that makes people do what they say. It's like a power voice and in the film David Lynch made them do it in a weird scratchy voice with some effects laid on.

It's possible to do a reasonable impression of this and the idea of having a voice that made people do exactly what you want appealed to T.P. So the rest of the evening while I was trying to read a book I kept being told in a voice not unlike a Gremlin whose voice was breaking.

"Go out and get me chocolate milk"

and

"Give me the cushion"

Proving yet again that knowledge is a dangerous thing. Luckly I am the Kwisatz Haderach so it didn't work on me.*

*This is funny if you like the books, otherwise it will be lost on you.