Monday, January 29, 2007

Strange things about my rolodex

I was flicking through my rolodex today while working on a piece. As I moved through it I realised I have kissed at least half off the people on it. Not just ‘mwah’ style kisses but something with a bit of intent.

Is this normal? Does everyone have a business rolodex where they have had a fling or two with half of the people on it? If you only count the woman then the number is even more damning.

I feel like such a tart, and by jove I rather like it.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Little Black Book

I was having a bit of a clean up this weekend, sorting out things and re-arranging my room. Yes my life is really that exciting. Anyway, while rooting around looking for a CD (which admittedly I still haven't found) I came across my little black book.

It's a bit out of date, but still it's satisfyingly full of names, some of which I can't even remember who they are exactly. It's like a relic of a time gone by, a simplier time of roguish abandon at parties across London.

There are some fond memories in it, girls I met while shopping for shoes, or ones I met in museums. Some who met me back and even one who stalked me for a while (she is helpfully marked down as 'BAD PERSON').

Maybe it's time to get back to being a bit of a rake, I've got the book after all.

Friday, January 26, 2007

A rudimentary knowledge of Bulgarian geography

I went to a launch party for a glamour modeling agency. Now glamour means two different things depending on the sex involved.

Female Glamour model : A bit ropey but will take her top off.

Male Glamour model: Extremely vain, probably gay.

Of course no place can really be that bad when you are being fed free booze and food. I drank lots of wine and then talked to an extremely pretty Bulgarian woman about belly dancing. Thanks to a geography project I did when I was 9 I was able to talk about Bulgaria's capital with ease and even go on to discuss the native fauna of Bulgaria.

She asked for my phone number, and so finally that lesson was useful (Mrs Thomas my old Geography teacher will be delighted). I wonder which class in school will help next? Perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to use algebra or a precis of the Battle of the Somme to wow someone into bed.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


It snowed today, snow is magical and wonderful and brilliant. Here is a picture of the snow, it was jolly cold and made that brilliant crunching noise when I walked through it.

The snow crunching noise is one of the best noises in the world. Other good noises are presents being put under a tree, silky underwear being removed and ice being plonked into a glass. I'd like to have an evening when all of these could be combined.

I bet I could do it in Norway, Norway is a land of dreams where all your wishes come true.


I went to the family shoot at the weekend, it was full of cousins and I ate lots of food. It was nice but as the family shoot is when one introduces someone to the family (some one significant of course) I was dealing with a lot of girlfriend related questions, to which there really isn't the perfect answer. Matriarchs of the family require more information then something along the lines of 'I never have the time'.

It was a nice day though, and it was lovely to be back in the countryside. I realised that I really am a country chap, this whole living in the city thing is just a phase I'm going through. Some people like Elastica for a bit or decide to become a vegetarian, I get a career.

Gander winkies

At the weekend I learned what a gander's winky looked like. It's a bit like a starfishes arm, yes a lot like a starfishes arm. I don't know what a starfishes winky would look like but probably not a goose.

I once saw a ducks winky, it was pink and looked like a corkscrew.

If you were wondering the second gander from the back is the one whose winky I have seen, we had to do it to find out what sex it was. The presence of the winky confirmed it is a gander rather than a goose.

I imagine for the goose it was a bit like something out of close encounters. It was snatched away from it's friends, held in strange ways (you have to hold a goose by the neck to stop it struggling) and examined under bright lights with a bit of poking of naughty bits.

I wonder if the other geese believed it.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Jareth is not amused.

Well something has happened at work, the one thing I feared apart from the sky falling in on my head. The person I really, really don't get on with (and haven't since the beginning) has been put in charge of me.

I'm not a man of rash actions but it's time to move on, if you knew this person you would completely understand. Everyone who knows him has gone. 'f*** what are you going to do?'

I'm not one for rash decisions, and even though when I was told the news the person informing said don't make any knee jerk reactions, this is the cut off point for me. Almost from the moment I was working with this person I swore that I would never work for them, so this has been considered for a while. To give you an example, 14 people worked for him and quit in one year because they couldn't stand him. It's worth noting that there are 15 people in the company at the moment.

I've just got to find something to do while I finish book related stuff, I made some calls last night, and I'm going to look at some other options.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


You know, it's suprising how little you use the R key really. And the fact that is a bit wonky adds character to my laptop.

It's not so much character that I'm not going to have it fixed the moment I next get paid but it's definitely nothing to lose sleep over.

There are far worse things going on in the world after all , some people have really bad hair cuts and yesterday I saw a lady wearing leggings, in public!

When will they learn? Eh?

Oh la-la she is lovely.

My lady of the week is Annelise Hesme, currently staring in some advert for a Car, Renault I think. She has a sort of argument with an English chap and wears nice dresses. Occasionally she scrunches up her face with rage and bites her lip, there is a bit with a car too.

Gosh she is lovely, I'd like to go for walks with her with a dog (of course we would have argued over the name of it in a flirty manner, she would have won and called it Milou) and then on for coffee in a strange little place just off Hampstead Heath.

We'd Stop off to go to the antique bookshop and also somewhere to get some sexy French boots for her. On the way back we would get root vegetables and I would cook her supper while she perched on the counter drinking red wine and occasionally helping with the chopping.

It would be a nice day.


I've been suffering a bit from writers block recently, which is naughty. I've got to start forcing myself to do something every day, no matter what. I have been keeping a notepad on me at all times and making little records when something amusing happens so that is good.

I also need a good short-term reward scheme, so that when I've have been good and done some writing I get a reward, and when I haven't been so well behaved, well something to make me not want that to happen.

I'm not exactly sure if the lady on the left is a reward or a punishment, but she does have rather nice boots on.

The strangest things are sometimes calming

I had a bit of a strange email conversation with my Father today, I was asking about what he would like to have at his funeral, I was told by a friend it's important to ask this sort of thing. While I was waiting for his reply I started thinking about my own funeral and it was strangely calming.

What would you have at your funeral? Do you think a parade of elephants is too much? And what about the wake? Do you want soulful laments or perhaps a brass band?

A bit of an update with a picture of some melons

Friday - Popping into the pub turned into a bit of a drinking event. I went in and the editor said

'This is a meeting, it's not fun. You can tell it isn't fun because I don't have a cock in my mouth'

I decided to stay for a couple thinking that a glass of wine or two would only improve my cooking skill when I finally made it to girls house to cook her a meal. A work college confessed her love for me, repeatedly and between us we finished off three bottles of wine.

Some hours later I stumbled into her door with a very good bottle of chablis. I was ruined and talking nonsense. The girl ordered a chinese and discovered what 'being in the dog house' means, it was just like being in a real relationship. Bless.

Saturday - Woke because another girl decided to text me a picture of her breasts (Without any prompting I should add) with the line 'your (SIC) not dreaming'.

Made tea and spent a relaxed morning watching Boston Legal and talking nonsense (mutual this time). Headed back to my flat. Animal Crossing arrived, spent 6 hours messing around with it.
Went to a party in a pub in Clerkenwell. It was the smokiest pub ever and was full smug couples. Drank too much, talked to lesbians went home.

Sunday - Super mega clean of flat while listening to Northern Soul. More Animal Crossing and then accidentally pinging the 'r' key off my laptop. It won't go back on properly.

Oh and I've got a sort of a date thingy next Thursday, but more importantly on Saturday I'm going to a lesbian wedding. What on earth, will I wear?

Saturday, January 06, 2007

I'm not gay, but sometimes I'm Doris Day.

I'm in a friendship at the moment, I say friendship like relationship without the naughtiness. We spend quality time together, speak a lot on the phone but it's just friends and that is what it shall be.

When this was first put to me I was not amused, I was in rather a state of undress (Although I should point the woman had disrobed far more then me) and things had been appearing to head towards something. She said that she would much rather have me around as a friend than has a boyfriend which tend to only have a limited shelf-life. Once the pheromone fueled fug had dissipated I have to agree with her. Girlfriends don't tend to hang around for long but female friends are around for the distance.

So here I am, spending most weekends with a friend having quality and jolly nice it is too. I even got a bit of a telling off for stumbling back late from the pub. It was just like being in a relationship. I'll be forgetting significant dates next.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Year Resolutions

Well they are a bit late but here they are anyway.

1) Finish the book. With out wanting to kill the mood I'd like my father to see a copy before, well you know.
2) Be seduced more often. For some reason, since I moved to London, I have an adventure with a girl every New Year's Eve. Typically ending with some sort of seduction, it's nice when someone puts in that much effort to see you naked.
3) Get on Have I Got News For You. This one is a tricky one but lets see eh?

Monday, January 01, 2007

Lavender or the lady.

I'm experiementing with a new scent, this one has hints of lavender, not an over powering amount just a subtle note.

It's a spiffing fragrance just on the right side of foppishness but sadly I've been informed that this jolly pleasant girl I've been spending time with is allegeric to it. Now things aren't anything between is, we have just been having a lot of quality experiences. It's like an affair but with a PG rating.

But can I continue to wear lavender if it brings her out in a rash? Should a chap abandon a new scent for a girl? Or is fate trying to tell me something by the fact that this woman can't be around it?