Take the mother to be for a long walk and let her eat as much grass as she likes on the way there but not on the way back. Pat her a lot and tell her how beautiful she is in every language you can (I used English, Spanish, French and Japanese)
After the walk clean out her pen (or room if dealing with a human mother) getting rid of anything nasty and put down lots of lovely fresh straw. Mention how this is lots of work so the mother horse starts to feel guilty about not foaling.
Get very drunk while listening to Amy Winehouse with two gay chaps from Barcelona who used to work on a stud farm and now just ride horses for fun.
Drink wine, cava, Pimms and Moscatel while talking about how Amy was much hotter when she was shaped like a woman. Check horse often and try to look as disappointed as possible when there isn't a foal.
Go to bed absolutely trashed (check horse again and talk loudly about how you would get a better nights sleep if there was a foal) and with vague plans to visit Barcelona on Monday with your new chums.
Awake to find slightly wobbly but very healthy foal. Hurrah for the miracle of nature.
4 comments:
Awww. Are they going to name it after you?
Midhusbandry is a fine sideline for a hack – congrats!
Are you sure it was the foal wobbling?
Clair - I don't think so, but there will be other foals.
Amanda - It's alway good to have a fall-back career don't you think?
DJ - Heh, you may be right, we saw off a very respectable amount of booze. Still, it worked so that's what counts.
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