I'm terrible at being angry. Or at least venting. I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I've really expressed my anger at the person whose caused it. Actually thinking about it I would have quite a few fingers to spare so I could use them for counting something else.
Which is not to say that I live my life in a Buddha like state of calm, it's just that I tend to just blank people as an expression of disdain, perhaps with the occasional cutting remark. While this is ultimately very effective I do wonder if perhaps it wouldn't help to just get a little bit shouty. Every now and then.
For example, when someone I was going out with said something earth shatteringly horrible and tactless I was rendered speechless. When what I really should have done is really express how awful what they said was and how I was amazed that anyone I knew, let alone someone I was dating would ever say something that unpleasant. Instead I'm just left to fume about it for months, possibly years.
When I think about it there are quite a few people I'd like to have shouted at, the family members who sided with my father's second wife over the memorial, my old boss from the job I hated when I first moved to London or even a range of ex-girlfriends for a range of subjects.
Maybe I should make this part of Operation New Life? Finding my shouty voice and learning to use it. Oh and anyone who suggests I watch the film Anger Management can just fuck right off.
7 comments:
Start with being shouty at strangers who piss you off - it's absolutely liberating. I remember my sister told a woman who'd pushed in front of us in Sainsbury's with a basket of sweetmeats that 'I hope you bloody choke on your Wagon Wheels'. Then you can move on to Advanced Shoutiness. S'great.
Lol, we could trade personalities as I could do with being a bit less blunt about exactly how I feel about other people's behaviour!
Clair - I'll try, one step at a time
Dj - Well since you are a master of it, do you have any tips?
Or alternately you could just hire one of your caustic and eternally bitter friends to shout at people for you, god knows I could use the money and I have enough vocal rage for six of us.
Kim - I like it, what are your fees?
oh my god. Scary parallels with the things you and I are both trying to do in our lives.
I have thoughts on this, but have just left much too long a blather on a previous post and don't want to wear out my, ahem, welcome.
That said, here's this, in brief:
It helped me to realize I was entitled to my feelings. It also helped me to learn that if I expressed my feelings to another (as opposed to my opinion, or a fact) that it meant the other person was not entitled to tell me I was wrong. Because you can't be wrong about how you feel.
I paid a lot of money in therapy for that. If it is of any use to you, consider it my gift to you. Happy Birthday?
BB - Well that's a few hours on the couch I can skip.
Post a Comment