I'm not a terribly nice person when it comes to women normally. Well perhaps nice is the wrong adjective, I don't say nasty things to them or hit them but I do have a bit of a history as a bit of womaniser.
I've had jealous boyfriends pull guns on me, or arrange for gangs of unworthy characters to attack me in nightclubs because of my actions. In business meetings girls have slipped their hands on my knee and made it very clear that should I go around for a coffee, then they would give my company favourable terms.
I even escaped getting arrested once on the condition that I took the policewoman out to the theatre.
I do okay with women. There is even a discarded blog on the internet detailing my misadventures, abandoned when I realised I didn't want to become that sort of man.
Thankfully I haven't but it has swung the other way. I've become the victim, completely enthralled by a woman who isn't even available.
Well it stops here, right now. If things do work out with A, well thats nice, if not well that's nice too.
Louche is back.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Conflict
Well A was is in a better mood today, sadly this is because she is going to try and make things work with N. They are going to take a couple of weeks 'out' and see how things are.
Just when you think you are making some progress...
Just when you think you are making some progress...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Complicated.
Girls, are complicated.
A appeared today and was pretty shell-shocked looking to say the least. She is clearly very cut up about breaking up with the chap - even the break up isn't as clear as it could be. We went for lunch and she cried a bit about stuff, I didn't really know what to say - so I lent her my favourite hankie.
It was strange, for moments there were flashes of the happy her, the one I knew so well and then she would return to this slightly fragile girl who was rather confused about the whole situation. It seems she isn't entirely sure if the breaking up was a good idea because she feels so bad. I feel slightly trapped as through all of this I have been only able to hint at my emotions towards her, so who knows if she is aware of how I feel?
A appeared today and was pretty shell-shocked looking to say the least. She is clearly very cut up about breaking up with the chap - even the break up isn't as clear as it could be. We went for lunch and she cried a bit about stuff, I didn't really know what to say - so I lent her my favourite hankie.
It was strange, for moments there were flashes of the happy her, the one I knew so well and then she would return to this slightly fragile girl who was rather confused about the whole situation. It seems she isn't entirely sure if the breaking up was a good idea because she feels so bad. I feel slightly trapped as through all of this I have been only able to hint at my emotions towards her, so who knows if she is aware of how I feel?
The Ice Queen had this advice.
Even if a relationship is coming to an end anyway, if you meet someone else it is then very hard to work out if the relationship is ending because it's run out of steam, or is it because you're all excited about this new person.
You don't want it to be because you met the new person because a) that makes you the bad guy, & b) perhaps you're not giving your current relationship a chance because you've got a novelty distraction on the scene.
If you split up with your long term partner you also don't want to start seeing someone else IMMEDIATELY as again - you're the bad guy....and also are you on the rebound, in which case you've hurt everybody.
V much friends for now as she'll need space to be on her own for a bit.
So it is a waiting game now, a painful one too. I remember sharing with her during one of our drunken adventures that my greatest fear was seeing friends in trouble and being unable to help. It seems in part, that I am now in that situation.
I was talking to a male friend about it all, the typical masculine reaction to the same situation is so very different, almost the opposite. The emotions are bundled away into the dark cave of the male mind and then the chap moves on, as briskly as possible.
I'm working late tonight, as is traditional on Tuesdays. I'm exhausted (I've been in since 6am) and tonight I have to do the final stage of packing so I am completely moved out.
I was talking to a male friend about it all, the typical masculine reaction to the same situation is so very different, almost the opposite. The emotions are bundled away into the dark cave of the male mind and then the chap moves on, as briskly as possible.
I'm working late tonight, as is traditional on Tuesdays. I'm exhausted (I've been in since 6am) and tonight I have to do the final stage of packing so I am completely moved out.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday
Monday was lovely, I went and did some shopping at the nearby temple to capitialism so I have some food in the flat. I splashed out on a hunk of lamb so my flatmate and I could have a big meal to mark the historic occasion of moving in. It turns out he is a bit of a would-be chef too so a bit of good natured competitive cooking is going on between us so we should eat very well.
I also met up with my old friend Mac who I rather got out of touch with because we were opposite sides of London. Now we are far, far closer we will met up for coffee a lot more. It's nice to live close to an old friend again.
The afternoon was spent cooking the feast for us while watching Zulu and then I went for a bike ride to Hampstead Heath. I had no idea the Heath was so high up. It was really enjoyable exploring little winding lanes of Hampstead on my bike, I was even lucky enough to do it while the weather was good.
I love a good bike ride, there is nothing like it for lifting my mood so when I returned to the flat I was buzzing with good humour. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading and napping, it was lovely.
Then of course I got the call from A.
Mondays are marvellous.
I also met up with my old friend Mac who I rather got out of touch with because we were opposite sides of London. Now we are far, far closer we will met up for coffee a lot more. It's nice to live close to an old friend again.
The afternoon was spent cooking the feast for us while watching Zulu and then I went for a bike ride to Hampstead Heath. I had no idea the Heath was so high up. It was really enjoyable exploring little winding lanes of Hampstead on my bike, I was even lucky enough to do it while the weather was good.
I love a good bike ride, there is nothing like it for lifting my mood so when I returned to the flat I was buzzing with good humour. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading and napping, it was lovely.
Then of course I got the call from A.
Mondays are marvellous.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Karma, 16 pints and lazy Sunday afternoons.
I'm a firm believer in Karma. Or more specifically if you do nice things for people for no reason it tends to pay off, although that in itself is a reason I suppose.
I got this flat through Karma. Earlier this year I got a complete stranger a preview copy of a T.V. series because I could, nothing more than that. Then six months later they mention in passing (after we had become friends) that they needed a flatmate and suddenly my housing crisis is over.
I had my first night out in West Hampstead last night, we went to a great little pub and drank real ale from those special pint glasses with handles. I felt no small measure of pride that at the end of the night our bill was just '16 pints'. It was a good pub trip, I got enjoyably drunk and laughed a lot which is what going to the pub should be all about. Pubs are for drinking with chums, and bars are for talking to pretty girls.
I've had a lovely Sunday so far, I've been strolling around Hampstead, stopping for a coffee in one of the millions of places dotted around. Occasionally buying food from a myriad of little shops specialising in different things.
The sun is streaming in through the windows and I'm just to lounging on the sofa watching more episodes of Curb your Enthusiasm while eating feta cheese. I might go for a walk later to the heath.
It's all very nice, but I must admit I am slightly restless. I Would much rather be spending time with A. Everything I'm doing today would be so much more pleasant if I could do it with her.
Well there is always next weekend...
I got this flat through Karma. Earlier this year I got a complete stranger a preview copy of a T.V. series because I could, nothing more than that. Then six months later they mention in passing (after we had become friends) that they needed a flatmate and suddenly my housing crisis is over.
I had my first night out in West Hampstead last night, we went to a great little pub and drank real ale from those special pint glasses with handles. I felt no small measure of pride that at the end of the night our bill was just '16 pints'. It was a good pub trip, I got enjoyably drunk and laughed a lot which is what going to the pub should be all about. Pubs are for drinking with chums, and bars are for talking to pretty girls.
I've had a lovely Sunday so far, I've been strolling around Hampstead, stopping for a coffee in one of the millions of places dotted around. Occasionally buying food from a myriad of little shops specialising in different things.
The sun is streaming in through the windows and I'm just to lounging on the sofa watching more episodes of Curb your Enthusiasm while eating feta cheese. I might go for a walk later to the heath.
It's all very nice, but I must admit I am slightly restless. I Would much rather be spending time with A. Everything I'm doing today would be so much more pleasant if I could do it with her.
Well there is always next weekend...
Saturday, May 27, 2006
My new flat
I'm typing in it right now, I can see lots of trees and hear bird song, well hear some bird song over the loud jazz coming from the kitchen.
This is going to be a good flat to live in. The first half of the move went well, I forgot a couple of things which I may have to go back for tonight rather earlier than expected I can't do without my music for that long.
Yes, I rather like West Hampstead
This is going to be a good flat to live in. The first half of the move went well, I forgot a couple of things which I may have to go back for tonight rather earlier than expected I can't do without my music for that long.
Yes, I rather like West Hampstead
Friday, May 26, 2006
The Pub and Vivian
First off I would like to apologise for the slightly wonky English in the last post, I had been drinking champagne all afternoon.
After that post we (work people) all charged into our local for a traditional Friday drink, well a bit more than that as it was someone's birthday and also the final day of our work experience girl, Vivian.
Vivian spotted from day 1 that my intentions towards A were slightly more complicated than just a work friendship, and instantly grilled me on it. She is a straight talking woman and very amusing.
Anyway as she was leaving, she used the pub time to grill me further, but also to grill A. Female friends are so fabulous sometimes.
As she switched between the two of us having 'private chats' she got more enthused. Apparently she had a bet on with someone else in the office about how long it would be until A and I were an item. Currently she puts it at 1 week. This is after having a pretty frank conversation with A.
Oh but the evening doesn't end there, A and I had a chat. Probably a repetition of the chat we had the Friday before but this time I remember it. She said I would be easier to work with if I was some un-attractive really old man. Some other things were talked about too, it appears the attraction is very much mutual.
The rest of the evening was spent laughing with the girls about silly things and I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but A and I started holding hands under the table.
As we left to go our separate ways the subject of kissing came up again. I said I wasn't going to try and kiss her and she asked why. To which I replied
'I don't want to be drunk when we first kiss'
She approved.
Next week is going to be very interesting.
After that post we (work people) all charged into our local for a traditional Friday drink, well a bit more than that as it was someone's birthday and also the final day of our work experience girl, Vivian.
Vivian spotted from day 1 that my intentions towards A were slightly more complicated than just a work friendship, and instantly grilled me on it. She is a straight talking woman and very amusing.
Anyway as she was leaving, she used the pub time to grill me further, but also to grill A. Female friends are so fabulous sometimes.
As she switched between the two of us having 'private chats' she got more enthused. Apparently she had a bet on with someone else in the office about how long it would be until A and I were an item. Currently she puts it at 1 week. This is after having a pretty frank conversation with A.
Oh but the evening doesn't end there, A and I had a chat. Probably a repetition of the chat we had the Friday before but this time I remember it. She said I would be easier to work with if I was some un-attractive really old man. Some other things were talked about too, it appears the attraction is very much mutual.
The rest of the evening was spent laughing with the girls about silly things and I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but A and I started holding hands under the table.
As we left to go our separate ways the subject of kissing came up again. I said I wasn't going to try and kiss her and she asked why. To which I replied
'I don't want to be drunk when we first kiss'
She approved.
Next week is going to be very interesting.
There are moments you remember.
A and I just nearly kissed, we got with in that magical range when you are an inch away from someone's face and the slightest movement makes it into a kiss. I can't remember why, oh yes we were talking about inappropriate behavior (she wanted me to give her a massage on her shoulders - She knows I give good ones) and I said a worst thing to be caught doing would be getting something out of her eye, as it involves being very close to someone and looks suspicious from the outside.
Anyway, I said it was a 'routine' because it involved going into 'that zone' with someone where you are close and the phereomones start to kick in.
I demonstrated again, A started to giggle because she was getting tingles in her lips because we were so close. You can't fight the tingles. We checked again and when she gets close she gets the tingles.
Anyway, I said it was a 'routine' because it involved going into 'that zone' with someone where you are close and the phereomones start to kick in.
I demonstrated again, A started to giggle because she was getting tingles in her lips because we were so close. You can't fight the tingles. We checked again and when she gets close she gets the tingles.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Changes
This month has been full of changes. When I look back at it stretching behind me some of them were not entirely unexpected. I always think change is good, I probably have a slightly too high opinion of it.
I'm going to see a flat this weekend in North London, just on the edge of Hampstead. This will mean my commute into work will be a bit longer but on the plus side I will get to cycle through Hyde Park every morning.
Hampstead is one of my favourite places in the world, when I first came up to London and I found out I had a job I went for drinks with my friend Mac in Hampstead. We ended up in some fantastic little pub off a main street and had pints of real ale. It was snowing and I nearly fell over, twice. Someone in the distance was playing an accordion, something jaunty and French sounding.
I nearly ended up moving it with Mac, which I think would have been really good fun. I even get on with his girlfriend, now wife. Before that could happen I found a place in Chelsea and the rest history, still I'm sure I will see more of Mac again now we are in the same part of town.
The whole move is exciting, it will give me a fresh start to London. I think a new beginning is in order. Plus Hampstead has the-most-girls-I-find-attractive-per-head-of-population, so perhaps I can find some fun woman to go out shopping with and to the occasional show who is actually single.
I'm out of the office for most of today, visiting some people who have been very naughty and telling them off.
I'm going to see a flat this weekend in North London, just on the edge of Hampstead. This will mean my commute into work will be a bit longer but on the plus side I will get to cycle through Hyde Park every morning.
Hampstead is one of my favourite places in the world, when I first came up to London and I found out I had a job I went for drinks with my friend Mac in Hampstead. We ended up in some fantastic little pub off a main street and had pints of real ale. It was snowing and I nearly fell over, twice. Someone in the distance was playing an accordion, something jaunty and French sounding.
I nearly ended up moving it with Mac, which I think would have been really good fun. I even get on with his girlfriend, now wife. Before that could happen I found a place in Chelsea and the rest history, still I'm sure I will see more of Mac again now we are in the same part of town.
The whole move is exciting, it will give me a fresh start to London. I think a new beginning is in order. Plus Hampstead has the-most-girls-I-find-attractive-per-head-of-population, so perhaps I can find some fun woman to go out shopping with and to the occasional show who is actually single.
I'm out of the office for most of today, visiting some people who have been very naughty and telling them off.
Lingerie, Daniel Cleaver and Flats
My word I feel unwell. Last night was brutial. It was a manly bonding sesson rather than a talking to girls night out, which was good as there hasn't been any of that for a while and it's important to get on with the people you work with.
The Lingerie show was a bit so-so. It was the launch of a new swimwear range for a very up-market brand but it wasn't terribly inspiring. The cocktails were good though which made up for it, and I drank an awful lot of them with the chaps. One of them had to leave early because he was disgustingly drunk but the rest of us continued on to another few bars ending up in some place in the middle of Soho at closing time.
I was not well this morning.
Today is a good day, even with an Clash of the Titans style hangover for the following reasons.
1) Last night a good friend mentioned in passing he is hunting for a flatmate. The flat is in a great area and is actually below my price range. I'm going to see it on Saturday.
2)Yesterday A said I was like Daniel Cleaver (of Bridget Jones fame), I'm taking that as a compliment. I get quite a few people saying that I remind them of Mr Grant, I think it is mostly the combination of floppy hair and the accent.
3) A and I were playing the truth game yesterday, it got very rude and I ended up making her blush when I asked her a specific question. The blush was all the answer I needed.
The Lingerie show was a bit so-so. It was the launch of a new swimwear range for a very up-market brand but it wasn't terribly inspiring. The cocktails were good though which made up for it, and I drank an awful lot of them with the chaps. One of them had to leave early because he was disgustingly drunk but the rest of us continued on to another few bars ending up in some place in the middle of Soho at closing time.
I was not well this morning.
Today is a good day, even with an Clash of the Titans style hangover for the following reasons.
1) Last night a good friend mentioned in passing he is hunting for a flatmate. The flat is in a great area and is actually below my price range. I'm going to see it on Saturday.
2)Yesterday A said I was like Daniel Cleaver (of Bridget Jones fame), I'm taking that as a compliment. I get quite a few people saying that I remind them of Mr Grant, I think it is mostly the combination of floppy hair and the accent.
3) A and I were playing the truth game yesterday, it got very rude and I ended up making her blush when I asked her a specific question. The blush was all the answer I needed.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
S, Lingerie and Jerry Springer.
Well it appears I could end up moving in with S, yes S of the blond hair who I had a bit of a thing about earlier in the year. I find out tomorrow if it is a go (as she has to clear it with her mother) and it will only be for a few weeks, but I think these could be awfully fun weeks.
I'm working late tonight, it is the special Tuesday where I have to work silly hours. Hopefully things will get more normal in a few weeks time and I will be able to do my preferred activity of getting ruined with chums. Speaking of which my 'week of sobriety' hasn't got off to the greatest start, I'm meeting some friends for boozy cocktails tomorrow and then the annual party of one of my favourite brands of lingerie is happening, the last one was amazing.
And on Friday H, is having another of her parties. These are important parties as the last one I went to I had an amazing time and a bit of an epiphany which resulted in my life changing direction quite significantly. I wonder if anything as exciting will happen at this one?
Flirting today was fairly normal with A, she told me off for not looking at her breasts enough (I have been trained to maintain eye contact no-matter what the temptations) and was suitably impressed by the card I made for her mother.
In the afternoon she had arranged a little skit with the gay sales chap upstairs (who is brilliant fun) where they fought over me for my attentions. It was all very Jerry Springer and I didn't quite know how to react.
I'm working late tonight, it is the special Tuesday where I have to work silly hours. Hopefully things will get more normal in a few weeks time and I will be able to do my preferred activity of getting ruined with chums. Speaking of which my 'week of sobriety' hasn't got off to the greatest start, I'm meeting some friends for boozy cocktails tomorrow and then the annual party of one of my favourite brands of lingerie is happening, the last one was amazing.
And on Friday H, is having another of her parties. These are important parties as the last one I went to I had an amazing time and a bit of an epiphany which resulted in my life changing direction quite significantly. I wonder if anything as exciting will happen at this one?
Flirting today was fairly normal with A, she told me off for not looking at her breasts enough (I have been trained to maintain eye contact no-matter what the temptations) and was suitably impressed by the card I made for her mother.
In the afternoon she had arranged a little skit with the gay sales chap upstairs (who is brilliant fun) where they fought over me for my attentions. It was all very Jerry Springer and I didn't quite know how to react.
Old Friends
I saw A perform again last night, and she got to meet one of my oldest friends. He approves of her which is strangely important to me, I think because he knows me much better than most people.
We went for some food afterwards and caught up (he has been in the states for a while) which was lovely. I was going to go to the states with him but the things with my father rather stopped that. Still it looks like we may go back in September. His brother has a lovely house there with two deeply charming dogs, so we are welcome when ever we want. It's not the best thing for the waist-line to visit him but it is good for the soul.
I have spent most of the morning making a pop-up card for A's mothers birthday, I seem to be making a lot of things out of paper these days.
We went for some food afterwards and caught up (he has been in the states for a while) which was lovely. I was going to go to the states with him but the things with my father rather stopped that. Still it looks like we may go back in September. His brother has a lovely house there with two deeply charming dogs, so we are welcome when ever we want. It's not the best thing for the waist-line to visit him but it is good for the soul.
I have spent most of the morning making a pop-up card for A's mothers birthday, I seem to be making a lot of things out of paper these days.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Rain, Pokémon and action plans.
In films if it rains a character is changing, the rain is used as a metaphor for rebirth; this weekend has been awash with changes.
Friday, as I have mentioned, was special. Saturday was special too, but in a very different way. Sunday has been a time of action plans.
Let’s talk first of Saturday. The fetish club was a very enlightening experience, and was in parts exactly how I expected and yet also completely alien.
The attire was fabulous; some people were deeply imaginative in their fetishes. I've never really considered Pokémon erotic and yet, I don't think I will ever be able to look at Pikachu in quite the same way now. Other people really hadn’t put that much effort in, combat fatigues or in one case a blue sarong really don’t fit in with the theme of the evening, being under-dressed is not a vice I enjoy being exposed to.
The people watching at this event was also superb, it might just be that I was paying more attention because I wasn't joining in, or perhaps the clothes people were wearing just made it easier to gage their mood from their body-language.
Couples were really the only people I could see having a great time, everyone else seemed to be waiting for something to happen to them or trapped in their own world clearly trying to deal with some issue. Every sofa around the venue had the same composition - a couple engaging in 'heavy petting' with a depressed looking person sat in the end.
I saw some interesting sights, one of the stage shows involved a girl being suspended in a web of hooks, accessorised with bandages across her face and breasts held in with pins inserted into her flesh. I must admit I don't consider myself a prude but if a girl wanted to engage in 'hook play' with me I would have to go for quite a long walk to think about it.
Aside from that the only remotely uncomfortable moment was when the Ice Queen and I ventured into the couples only section of the dungeon. Concealed behind curtain was a writhing mass of humanity doing all sorts of things. Inches away from my face three men were engaging in enthusiastic sex and I felt a strangers hand rise up the inside of my trouser leg. The Ice Queen was having a similar experience so we quickly left and retired to the (now comparatively safe) dungeon.
The Ice Queen is still very annoyed with the one chap she ever really liked (and through very bad luck he turned out to be a bit of an arse) so was looking for someone to vent some rage on, I was looking for more drinks. They didn’t serve cocktails, which is probably a good thing as a can of lager cost £4. I’m amazed people can afford to be kinky with prices like that.
We left at about 5am and got a cab back to the Ice Queen’s house, I fell over in the spare room, pausing only long enough to remove my clothes before falling into a deep, deep sleep. Two late nights were starting to take their toll.
Sunday was spent laughing about the adventures last night and devising action plans for the coming week. As far as the Ice Queen is concerned I have done everything I can re: A and thus it is just a waiting game, if anything is going to happen of course.
I also got a phone call from my Aunt which means I am going to have to move out of my flat in 2 weeks time, I’ve been here since I moved to London (3 years now) and I’m feeling a little bit sad, still change is good and all that.
So my action plan for this week is
1) Write start of a book
2) Find somewhere to live
Friday, as I have mentioned, was special. Saturday was special too, but in a very different way. Sunday has been a time of action plans.
Let’s talk first of Saturday. The fetish club was a very enlightening experience, and was in parts exactly how I expected and yet also completely alien.
The attire was fabulous; some people were deeply imaginative in their fetishes. I've never really considered Pokémon erotic and yet, I don't think I will ever be able to look at Pikachu in quite the same way now. Other people really hadn’t put that much effort in, combat fatigues or in one case a blue sarong really don’t fit in with the theme of the evening, being under-dressed is not a vice I enjoy being exposed to.
The people watching at this event was also superb, it might just be that I was paying more attention because I wasn't joining in, or perhaps the clothes people were wearing just made it easier to gage their mood from their body-language.
Couples were really the only people I could see having a great time, everyone else seemed to be waiting for something to happen to them or trapped in their own world clearly trying to deal with some issue. Every sofa around the venue had the same composition - a couple engaging in 'heavy petting' with a depressed looking person sat in the end.
I saw some interesting sights, one of the stage shows involved a girl being suspended in a web of hooks, accessorised with bandages across her face and breasts held in with pins inserted into her flesh. I must admit I don't consider myself a prude but if a girl wanted to engage in 'hook play' with me I would have to go for quite a long walk to think about it.
Aside from that the only remotely uncomfortable moment was when the Ice Queen and I ventured into the couples only section of the dungeon. Concealed behind curtain was a writhing mass of humanity doing all sorts of things. Inches away from my face three men were engaging in enthusiastic sex and I felt a strangers hand rise up the inside of my trouser leg. The Ice Queen was having a similar experience so we quickly left and retired to the (now comparatively safe) dungeon.
The Ice Queen is still very annoyed with the one chap she ever really liked (and through very bad luck he turned out to be a bit of an arse) so was looking for someone to vent some rage on, I was looking for more drinks. They didn’t serve cocktails, which is probably a good thing as a can of lager cost £4. I’m amazed people can afford to be kinky with prices like that.
We left at about 5am and got a cab back to the Ice Queen’s house, I fell over in the spare room, pausing only long enough to remove my clothes before falling into a deep, deep sleep. Two late nights were starting to take their toll.
Sunday was spent laughing about the adventures last night and devising action plans for the coming week. As far as the Ice Queen is concerned I have done everything I can re: A and thus it is just a waiting game, if anything is going to happen of course.
I also got a phone call from my Aunt which means I am going to have to move out of my flat in 2 weeks time, I’ve been here since I moved to London (3 years now) and I’m feeling a little bit sad, still change is good and all that.
So my action plan for this week is
1) Write start of a book
2) Find somewhere to live
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Pastries, thoughts and rope bondage.
A stayed the night. So when I had got myself together a bit, I popped out to get some pastries and fresh fruit for us, I believe in doing Saturday mornings properly. As I walked the streets of Chelsea getting the supplies I thought about the situation I am in.
I have a really good friend in A, and when ever we spend time together it is brilliant. But she does have a boyfriend, so maybe it will never be more than what it is right now and in a way I am fine with that. Last night was fantastic, even if it didn't end quite how I would like. It's not just that I want to kiss her, I do, but it's a bit more than that. I want to have her in my life, even if it is in a limited way.
When I returned from my shopping trip we ate pastries and watched old films while she dozed on me. I felt content, really content, it's just such a shame it had to end. I really am disgustingly fond of A.
I'm going to a very risqué party tonight with some of the Polish blonds, it's not really my scene but they are always good value and I think it will be good for the soul to do something not A focused, especially if it involves people wearing rubber. Plus I'm sure my childhood spent sailing will become very useful when trying to learn Japanese rope bondage.
I have a really good friend in A, and when ever we spend time together it is brilliant. But she does have a boyfriend, so maybe it will never be more than what it is right now and in a way I am fine with that. Last night was fantastic, even if it didn't end quite how I would like. It's not just that I want to kiss her, I do, but it's a bit more than that. I want to have her in my life, even if it is in a limited way.
When I returned from my shopping trip we ate pastries and watched old films while she dozed on me. I felt content, really content, it's just such a shame it had to end. I really am disgustingly fond of A.
I'm going to a very risqué party tonight with some of the Polish blonds, it's not really my scene but they are always good value and I think it will be good for the soul to do something not A focused, especially if it involves people wearing rubber. Plus I'm sure my childhood spent sailing will become very useful when trying to learn Japanese rope bondage.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Ukrainian vodka, dancing and David Bowie
The party on Thursday was good, I got to meet a strange mix of people and ended up having my portrait taken for a 'live installation' because I had an interesting look or at least the artist's assistant wanted my phone number. I drank as much wine as I could but even so the whole event cooled down at around 10pm so I got a fairly early night really, not like last night...
I met up with A's manager in the pub as I am going to help her out with a couple of things and he thought it would be worth having a chat about this properly (I've met him a few times and he is an absolutely splendid chap) After a few drinks in our local pub the manager and the promoter scampered off to do various weekend things and A and I were left to our own devices, which is when the evening got good.
First we went to a brilliant little Italian place on the Old Brompton Road and had fantastic pizzas and two bottles of wine. We did some more sharing of dark secrets, real military grade secrets this time and when we finally moved on we were both absolutely ruined. A agreed that crashing at my flat (Which I have to myself this weekend) was the wisest course of action, so we stumbled off towards it, arm in arm.
Sadly we got distracted by what turned out to be a real gem. A Ukrainian bar appeared out of no-where (Actually I think it is a restaurant) so we ended up drinking passion fruit vodka with the owner and toasting in Russian. Once we moved on to the strawberry vodka we heard music downstairs and went to investigate. A chap was playing a guitar and singing folk music so we had a good dance to that while swigging back more interesting flavoured drinks (the owner gave us some free ones as well).
I think at some point while resting between songs we had a bit of a chat about the situation between us, although I'm not entirely sure. I say think because the entire evening is a bit of a haze, but it doesn't end there. I'm desperately trying to remember if anything useful was mentioned or not.
We arrived at my flat and A was blown away by the harbour, and wanted to go swimming in it (It is pretty toxic so that wasn't a terribly wise plan) but we did end up sitting in the rain, in not many clothes looking at the boats for a while before we ended up in my flat.
Again A was impressed by the flat and she scampered about investigating the rooms before falling in love with the balcony, at some point both our trousers got removed because they were wet. There is a 'gap' in my memory but we watched Labyrinth, or at least were in the same room while it played, in bed together. And then suddenly A was full of life again, from the healing power of David Bowie I assume, and scampered about demanding bed-time stories before she finally collapsed into the spare bed.
What a splendid evening. I'm still no wiser as to the situation between us but I think for the moment my hangover takes precedent. And yes, the photo above is an actual photo of said trousers this morning.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Ce Soir
It is the night of the South Bank Centre's Annual Party, and through luck I have managed to get a ticket. I'm still not entirely sure why I secured an invite but I fully intend to capitalise on such a thing.
I will be going on my own, which is often how I like it, all the best adventures have happened when I was off doing something new without the safety net of a friend. I'm trying to remember the last party I went to on my own, it seems like an age has passed.
In other news I was promoted at work, so now the flat-hunt can begin in earnest. I'm torn between getting a place near work with strangers or living with two lovely girls but quite far away from work. The girls would be awful good fun, although I fear it might increase my drinking habits to say the least.
I will be going on my own, which is often how I like it, all the best adventures have happened when I was off doing something new without the safety net of a friend. I'm trying to remember the last party I went to on my own, it seems like an age has passed.
In other news I was promoted at work, so now the flat-hunt can begin in earnest. I'm torn between getting a place near work with strangers or living with two lovely girls but quite far away from work. The girls would be awful good fun, although I fear it might increase my drinking habits to say the least.
Elocution, Islington and waiting
Ah Tuesdays, they are rapidly becoming my favourite night out. I had to work late, which was okay, if rather dull. The working late I had to do involved hanging around and then clicking a mouse on two hour intervals. I really need to factor out that to someone else, or at least remember to bring a good book in.
After I had clicked the mouse for the final time that evening I scampered across London to Islington. A and I were going to see a gig of some band called Kapute. There were pretty good, although three songs into the set when I was thinking dark thoughts about their elocution, I realised that they were actually singing in German.
A spent most of the evening telling me the downsides of going out with her and we talked about relationships and what makes them work, then we went to a fun little Belgian place on Upper Street.
We had quite a serious chat as she was saying I always just make quips and asides when the conversation gets deep. So we had a 'grown-up' conversation. I found out her deepest fear is that she will never be really loved, I shared that mine was being blind, and unable to help my friends.
Deep eh?
Not much else to report really, although every time we say goodbye at the end of the evening the embrace lasts a little longer. This waiting for someone else to make the first move is very tiresome, how do women put up with it?
After I had clicked the mouse for the final time that evening I scampered across London to Islington. A and I were going to see a gig of some band called Kapute. There were pretty good, although three songs into the set when I was thinking dark thoughts about their elocution, I realised that they were actually singing in German.
A spent most of the evening telling me the downsides of going out with her and we talked about relationships and what makes them work, then we went to a fun little Belgian place on Upper Street.
We had quite a serious chat as she was saying I always just make quips and asides when the conversation gets deep. So we had a 'grown-up' conversation. I found out her deepest fear is that she will never be really loved, I shared that mine was being blind, and unable to help my friends.
Deep eh?
Not much else to report really, although every time we say goodbye at the end of the evening the embrace lasts a little longer. This waiting for someone else to make the first move is very tiresome, how do women put up with it?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Danger, is my middle name.
A just referred to me as dangerous and then said we shouldn't go out drinking together as that is dangerous - although clearly not that dangerous as we are going to a gig together tonight.
I've never had such a lovely compliment, dangerous - it just rolls of the tongue beautifully.
I've never had such a lovely compliment, dangerous - it just rolls of the tongue beautifully.
Building up
A said this, this morning
'I just feel like something is building up and up it is going to explode soon and I don't know if that is going to be really good or really bad'
She wouldn't tell me what this referred to.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Nipple tassels and hiding in the kitchen.
Today, was the flirtiest day I have ever had with A. First off she said that her friend who had been visiting that weekend (Who is also from Devon) said A should marry me, I've never actually met this friend so It appears A described me in a very positive way.
There was also a lot of needless body contact going on today, especially during the lunch we had together (it was her turn to cook something). We had a very pleasant luncheon, she had her guitar so we made up some silly songs and sang at each other.
The afternoon was spent arranging secret rendezvous' in the kitchen to see various photos and videos from her girl weekend, finalised with me making her some nipple tassels out of post-it-notes and paper; on her insistence I should add.
I'm having to stay late tonight because I have so much work to do now, and I don't care a jot!
There was also a lot of needless body contact going on today, especially during the lunch we had together (it was her turn to cook something). We had a very pleasant luncheon, she had her guitar so we made up some silly songs and sang at each other.
The afternoon was spent arranging secret rendezvous' in the kitchen to see various photos and videos from her girl weekend, finalised with me making her some nipple tassels out of post-it-notes and paper; on her insistence I should add.
I'm having to stay late tonight because I have so much work to do now, and I don't care a jot!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Stains I have known.
Here are my top three stains I have known, recently updated.
1) The buttercup stains in between my toes, gained this weekend.
2) Lipstick the collar of my favourite summer shirt, placed their by A.
3) Burn marks on my boot-cut jeans from the time they accidentally got set on fire by a girl in Shoreditch, we ended up dating after that.
This weekend was troubling. I went down to Devon on Friday, turning down an offer to review a supper and cabaret place in the evening because I had to be in Devon for a memorial service (in hindsight I'm not sure I made the right choice - I could have gone with A).
The memorial service was strange, it was my father's side of the family, who I barely know. It was held at the tiny church near the old stately home my grandparents (whose passage we were marking) had owned. It was very country and very English, the vicar was tall, balding and awfully polite. The whole scene (apart from the cars) could have been from any age between the 1920 and the present day. Tweed is timeless. I met some real characters, the woman that seduced my father when he was 17, my slightly insane cousin who has been working on a 'film project' for the last 10 years, who happens to look exactly like James Spader, and my aunt who is obsessed with Princess Diana's death.
My father was there but I didn't really talk to him, if anything I blanked him and talked to other people. I still haven't quite worked out what I want to say to him yet.
The rest of the day was spent visiting my grandmother in her cottage and then relaxing, the memorial was pretty stressful so afterwards I just wanted to drink sugary tea and lie on the sofa with my cat Spider.
On Sunday I went for a walk around my mother's gardens and the meadows nearby. This was in place of my usual Sunday jaunt to Hyde Park.
One of the fields is now an orchid laced with vole-runs and teaming with wolf-spiders and other insects, but my favourite place was the meadow that was carpeted with buttercups; with the occasional dusting of forget-me-nots and dandelions.
I wondered through it barefoot and then, in the very middle where I was as far away from everything as possible, I had a lie down. Overhead house martins gambled about hunting insects, a bee buzzed past and sipped nectar from a buttercup just by my face. I could hear a complex chorus of birdcalls and the sun washed over me slowly warming me to the bone.
After something like that everything else is put into perspective.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Cocktails and Canapés
I say, what a strange couple of days I have had.
A's birthday was entertaining, the pace was some-what slower as we were both rather frazzled from the night before. I got to meet her band-members properly which was fun, they are very good chaps and we drank Strawberry Daiquiris and talked nonsense. I left at about midnight so that actually counts as an early night.
Last night was the opening night of an awfully jolly burlesque bar. A went as my plus one (or hot date as she put it). The shows were very enjoyable and the cocktails were good. A was dressed in black, I was wearing a white linen suit with a yellow cravat. I was given a fan by a chap in a wig and then spent the rest of the evening playing with that. Fans are excellent, you can be brilliantly expressive with them and they by far and away the most graceful way of cooling down.
I feel decidedly unusual now after being on the party circuit for the last few days, I need some time away from cocktails and canapés
A's birthday was entertaining, the pace was some-what slower as we were both rather frazzled from the night before. I got to meet her band-members properly which was fun, they are very good chaps and we drank Strawberry Daiquiris and talked nonsense. I left at about midnight so that actually counts as an early night.
Last night was the opening night of an awfully jolly burlesque bar. A went as my plus one (or hot date as she put it). The shows were very enjoyable and the cocktails were good. A was dressed in black, I was wearing a white linen suit with a yellow cravat. I was given a fan by a chap in a wig and then spent the rest of the evening playing with that. Fans are excellent, you can be brilliantly expressive with them and they by far and away the most graceful way of cooling down.
I feel decidedly unusual now after being on the party circuit for the last few days, I need some time away from cocktails and canapés
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
A choice.
I have to decide if I'm going back to Devon this weekend to see the family and have a confrontation with my Father. There is a dedication of the graves of my grandparents on my Father's side, so large amounts of the clan will be there which will be interesting.
But this will involve seeing my father and there are few things that fill me with more dread but alas, this is something I'm going to have to deal with if I ever want to be able to have a normal relationship with anyone, especially people whose names begin with A.
On the plus side Devon is lovely in the summer, the air is heavy with insects and the warm breezes of the hills surround you like a wool blanket. The geese are fun too, my mother keeps large amounts of strange fowl just because she likes them.
I like the way that geese examine you so thoroughly and with just the right amount of contempt before either biting your trousers or waddling off to see what is happening at the pond.
What does one wear to a dedication of a grave? I don't have a good black suit anymore, and my beautiful linen summer suit wouldn't really be right for the occasion.
It worked, sort of
A and I were discussing last night with the rest of the possy. The fact that I had got a phone number off one of the dancers (it for an entirely innocent reason, well mostly) came up and A got a bit huffy. A bit later on I was listening to some of her friends music - A great little tune called Fireflies and she said
'Are you trying to make me jealous on purpose?'
Then we had a chat about office affairs (She brought it up), the conclusion - it's a high-stakes game but sometimes it can be worth it.
I'm going to her Birthday party tonight, I am exhausted but it's time to pull on the sleep reserves, tonight could be important.
'Are you trying to make me jealous on purpose?'
Then we had a chat about office affairs (She brought it up), the conclusion - it's a high-stakes game but sometimes it can be worth it.
I'm going to her Birthday party tonight, I am exhausted but it's time to pull on the sleep reserves, tonight could be important.
Drunk
I'm still drunk from last night, my eyeballs feel warm, I have a hole in my trousers caused by a fork and I have wand that I stole off a magician.
It was a good night. Sadly the plan of talking to lots of other girls didn't really work as it wasn't really a night for that sort of thing. We were sat on a table and then we set about the two bottles of vodka we had been given.
I can remember kissing A to wish her happy birthday but no-tongues were involved so I don't think that really counts.
Also, and this is more shocking. One of the work experience girls came up to me and told me she knew I adored A, she could tell. Clearly I should work on being more subtle.
I'm going to go and find some painkillers now.
It was a good night. Sadly the plan of talking to lots of other girls didn't really work as it wasn't really a night for that sort of thing. We were sat on a table and then we set about the two bottles of vodka we had been given.
I can remember kissing A to wish her happy birthday but no-tongues were involved so I don't think that really counts.
Also, and this is more shocking. One of the work experience girls came up to me and told me she knew I adored A, she could tell. Clearly I should work on being more subtle.
I'm going to go and find some painkillers now.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I have a plan
There is a work bash tonight, that is going to be full of pretty girls, A will be going with me (with a load of other work people) and I am going to spend the whole eveing talking to OTHER girls and being all charming.
Yes I know this whole 'ignore her to make her jealous' thing has never actually worked him the films but they don't have as nice socks as I do and talking to pretty girls at clubs is what I do best.
I will keep you posted on how the evening goes.
Yes I know this whole 'ignore her to make her jealous' thing has never actually worked him the films but they don't have as nice socks as I do and talking to pretty girls at clubs is what I do best.
I will keep you posted on how the evening goes.
Monday, May 08, 2006
The zone
There is a place all men fear when persuing a woman. It is a place that inspires a cold terror in even the bravest man.
Once you have entered it, it is almost impossible to leave and you are damned to a life of slow torment. The worse thing is that you get to this place through good will, it's not a hell reserved for the wicked or the cruel it's a place that nice people go, and that is probably the problem.
I'm talking about 'The Friendship zone', even saying the name sends a shiver down my spine. Nothing is more feared during the course of courtship, and sadly I think I am heading towards it with A, if I'm not there already.
I've just been too nice.
Once you have entered it, it is almost impossible to leave and you are damned to a life of slow torment. The worse thing is that you get to this place through good will, it's not a hell reserved for the wicked or the cruel it's a place that nice people go, and that is probably the problem.
I'm talking about 'The Friendship zone', even saying the name sends a shiver down my spine. Nothing is more feared during the course of courtship, and sadly I think I am heading towards it with A, if I'm not there already.
I've just been too nice.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
The Ice Queen gives some good advice.
I went to the pub with The Ice Queen (She is called such because she is very good at controlling men, in a nice way) and she gave me some very timely advice about the A situation and I got to have a long chat about the family situation too - she had a similar thing with her father.
Here is her action plan (I had my PDA with me so I wrote it up)
Multi-point plan by The Ice Queen
1 A must make the first move
2 Make sure you are entertaining but make her ask for it
3 Only mention the bf if she mentions it. Don't have an opinion
4 Be entertaining but don't be forthcoming on her birthday
5 Arranging things to do is good, but only simple, immediate things
So what do you think internet?
Here is her action plan (I had my PDA with me so I wrote it up)
Multi-point plan by The Ice Queen
1 A must make the first move
2 Make sure you are entertaining but make her ask for it
3 Only mention the bf if she mentions it. Don't have an opinion
4 Be entertaining but don't be forthcoming on her birthday
5 Arranging things to do is good, but only simple, immediate things
So what do you think internet?
Thursday, May 04, 2006
swimming, dresses and the colour green.
Today I went swimming with A, this is part of our pact to get fit together. I went and saw her perform on Tuesday, 'rock A' is very sexy and I would have loved to have got ruined with her but alas I wanted to hold firm on my pledge to get fit.
Anyway, we went to the pool today and swam, not for long as A wasn't really enjoying it and the pool was packed. I got in about half and hour of hard swimming, concentrating on my upper body and I got to see A in a bikini, it was a beautiful deep green so it off-set her olive skin and it made me swim even faster.
After that we strolled up the King's Road towards Sloane square and she spotted some dresses she loved, this was in the dress shop that I said she would like last week (she has good taste). Then we talked about shoes for a while and I set her on her way.
It's over.
I don't care if some people say 'its just pheromones'.
I'm completely besotted and there is nothing I can do about it.
This is really annoying.
Anyway, we went to the pool today and swam, not for long as A wasn't really enjoying it and the pool was packed. I got in about half and hour of hard swimming, concentrating on my upper body and I got to see A in a bikini, it was a beautiful deep green so it off-set her olive skin and it made me swim even faster.
After that we strolled up the King's Road towards Sloane square and she spotted some dresses she loved, this was in the dress shop that I said she would like last week (she has good taste). Then we talked about shoes for a while and I set her on her way.
It's over.
I don't care if some people say 'its just pheromones'.
I'm completely besotted and there is nothing I can do about it.
This is really annoying.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Well that told me.
After talking to various female friends I'm not allowed to hit on people I work with who already have boyfriends. Not at all. It is forbidden.
Thus I must learn to purge away my emotions which probably isn't helped by going to see A play a gig tonight.
I'm going to try and channel Merchant and Ivory and maintain a stiff upper lip. After all it's only repression, and I'm English, it's what we do.
Thus I must learn to purge away my emotions which probably isn't helped by going to see A play a gig tonight.
I'm going to try and channel Merchant and Ivory and maintain a stiff upper lip. After all it's only repression, and I'm English, it's what we do.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Soppy post
A ended up taking a nap on me in the afternoon. We were in the front room with her sisters and she spread herself across me and fell asleep while her family and I talked about silly things. A is beautiful when she is asleep.
I really need to get a new topic to talk about, this is starting to annoy me. At least my favourite girl with curly hair is back in the country now and I will get to see her tomorrow.
I really need to get a new topic to talk about, this is starting to annoy me. At least my favourite girl with curly hair is back in the country now and I will get to see her tomorrow.
Hitchin.
Hitchin was interesting, I have met the entire set of A's sisters and her mother. It's a all female household, spotlessly clean with a naughty little cat padding about.
A's sisters are charming, whitty and open to silly conversations, especially about how crap men are. There was a good bit where we played spot the least eligible man, it nearly got me in a fight with a burly chap wearing lots of gold but I feel it was an acceptable level of risk for the amount of laughter.
I must admit I felt like a bit of an invader by coming here, it's a female run house (like my mother's) and my role here isn't quite defined - I need to do some heavy lifting or perhaps fix a shelf. Ideally some sort of terrorist attack would happen so I could foil it while wearing a roguishly grubbly vest.
As I'm sure you can guess from the tone there was no kiss last night (Saturday), the stakes just seemed too high (if it goes wrong working together would be horrible) - plus I have a genetic weakness which makes it very hard for me to hit on girls I really like. I'm just not sure what's happened to me, maybe because I'm not used to encountering girls with long-term potential, or maybe just like her too much. It's probably just that even with a sterling effort on the part of the bars, I wasn't that drunk.
Either way the boyfriend wasn't a factor in the lack of a performance, he was dull boyfriend type 4b - small wirey with sensible hair. Not the type I would have guessed for such a moxy girl like A. Why do interesting girls go out with rubbish men? Is there just a set amount of charm one is allowed in a couple? How do couples decide who gets it?
I need to focus in the present rather than just day-dreaming about introducing A to my vast network of cousins or taking her on the family shoot - not matter how adorable she would look in a borrowed riding coat. I'm already attached to her, strangely so it's not just that I want to kiss her, it's more that I want to be involved with her - note the use of Italics.
I'm just not sure how to play this so I will have to be confused of Chelsea for a bit longer. Suggestions are welcome.
On the plus side have lipstick on my collar, A put it there. I'm looking forward to wearing it on the train home like a louche badge of honour. Lipstick marks elevate the 'walk of shame' it to something else entirely, more of a triumphant march of pride. Oh yes, I'm going to be swaggering down the King's Road later.
A's sisters are charming, whitty and open to silly conversations, especially about how crap men are. There was a good bit where we played spot the least eligible man, it nearly got me in a fight with a burly chap wearing lots of gold but I feel it was an acceptable level of risk for the amount of laughter.
I must admit I felt like a bit of an invader by coming here, it's a female run house (like my mother's) and my role here isn't quite defined - I need to do some heavy lifting or perhaps fix a shelf. Ideally some sort of terrorist attack would happen so I could foil it while wearing a roguishly grubbly vest.
As I'm sure you can guess from the tone there was no kiss last night (Saturday), the stakes just seemed too high (if it goes wrong working together would be horrible) - plus I have a genetic weakness which makes it very hard for me to hit on girls I really like. I'm just not sure what's happened to me, maybe because I'm not used to encountering girls with long-term potential, or maybe just like her too much. It's probably just that even with a sterling effort on the part of the bars, I wasn't that drunk.
Either way the boyfriend wasn't a factor in the lack of a performance, he was dull boyfriend type 4b - small wirey with sensible hair. Not the type I would have guessed for such a moxy girl like A. Why do interesting girls go out with rubbish men? Is there just a set amount of charm one is allowed in a couple? How do couples decide who gets it?
I need to focus in the present rather than just day-dreaming about introducing A to my vast network of cousins or taking her on the family shoot - not matter how adorable she would look in a borrowed riding coat. I'm already attached to her, strangely so it's not just that I want to kiss her, it's more that I want to be involved with her - note the use of Italics.
I'm just not sure how to play this so I will have to be confused of Chelsea for a bit longer. Suggestions are welcome.
On the plus side have lipstick on my collar, A put it there. I'm looking forward to wearing it on the train home like a louche badge of honour. Lipstick marks elevate the 'walk of shame' it to something else entirely, more of a triumphant march of pride. Oh yes, I'm going to be swaggering down the King's Road later.
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