It seemed that most of London went to a house party last night, myself included. I had been invited to a bash by The Ice Queen. Some of her friends were warming a new abode and I was asked to attend.
It was in Shepherds Bush, absolutely miles away from any transport link so I had a surprisingly long walk while juggling booze thinking about how this was exactly the sort of thing that having a bicycle was good for. Of course that's absolute nonsense as if I had gone by cycle I would have arrived all hot and bothered, spent the whole party checking my bike out of the window and then put off going home for as long as possible to avoid the journey home. Since I don't have my bike I'm going to view it and all bike related activity with rose tinted specs.
The party was excellent. I knew almost no-one apart from the Ice Queen, who was roaring with good humour and sporting an excellent bob style haircut. So I could breeze up to strangers and find out all about them, including a few friends the Ice Queen was trying to set up me with, but more on that later.
When I arrived the party was pretty busy but no-one was eating any food. This was because a couple were stood in front of the food table doing the sort of public canoodling reserved for people having affairs and lusty teenagers. Actually it was worse then that, it was real 'look go and get a room' type stuff and no one wanted to go near the food just in case they got caught in a flailing arm or were landed with a miss-placed kiss.
Talking of kisses, several girls at the bash were sporting bright red lipstick and for some reason they decided to 'tag' me with it by kissing me. I hadn't realised what had happened until I walked home this morning and lots of women were giving me strange looks because I had a selection of lipstick marks running over my face and neck. If had known I would have put a bit more of a spring in my step.
As the party entered it's latter stages we had to get more creative with our drinking, I created a new cocktail out of what I could find, which admittedly was mostly rum and invented 'Lady Grog'. This caught other people's imagination quite a bit and soon theme tunes were being composed. Apparently, Lady Grog is the choice of the drunk generation.
In the later stages of the party it had thinned out a bit, most of the couples had left and so only the single types remained. One of the Ice Queen's friends had taken a shine to me and my pocket watch and kept asking me and a very loudly but slurring voice.
'Can I see your clock?'
To which I replied in a shocked way 'What did you say?' Not because I was fighty but because two or three glasses of the Mark 2 Lady Grog (everyone was drinking it by then and the second version was much stronger) and rendered her unable to say the L in clock. Or at least I'm hoping that is why she kept saying that. She also asked me to get 'my clock out' and even asked if she could 'touch my clock'.
Before she could act on this she collapsed onto the sofa and started snoring so that was another danger averted. Another one of the Ice Queen's friends approached me at this point and she was terribly nice. We ended up playing a game of 'who had the worst 2007?' which strikes me as a rather English game which in a rather English way ended in a good natured draw.
After this we topped up our Lady Grogs and she asked me to follow her using that slow 'come this way' finger thing. Girls should do that more often. I was lured away to a quiet corner we were talked about more nonsense while she sat on my lap. There are definitely worse ways of spending an evening.
Almost suddenly it was 8am and the Lady Grog was all gone and people had switched to cups of tea. It was during the second round of tea that we had a 'Code Blue'.
A Code Blue is when someone you fancy makes their intentions towards you clear enough that you have to check if you are wearing your lucky pants. One of the girls whose house was being warmed has been lusting after a friends little brother for years. At some point while the Ice Queen and I were making tea he must have reciprocated her intentions and so suddenly we all had to leave.
So we left while loudly shouting 'We have a code blue, lucky pants are go'. It's an excellent way of embarrassing people as they just start kissing and if anything it can be quite a bonding experience, for them I mean. Nothing like a bit of light ribbing to get a relationship started.
I can't wait for the next house party.
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