Friday, January 11, 2008

A few candid thoughts

The following post will be quite raw so if you want to read about whimsy and shoes skip this post and read the next one.

I gathered my things from the old flat now. T.P. had re-arranged the flat quite extensively which is understandable. I always re-arrange my furniture when I want to have a fresh start of things.

I had expected to go storming into the flat all angry and sort of feirce. T.P. was at work I assume (Who knows what she is doing now) so I was going to stomp around packing while grumbling to myself. It didn't turn out that way, I just felt a bit sad. Sad about how it all turned out.

If I'm being completely honest I think things moved fast with T.P. (moving in and the like) because my dad was dying, I sort of had a time scale for him to meet anyone I was dating. So because of that maybe I overlooked things I should have been more aware of.

When T.P. said she wanted to be single, I didn't fight or beg. It was fairly clear things were going bad when she said 'I've been imagining life with out you' so I knew what was coming up and I realised that if I had begged to stay with her a different life was ahead of me, one where I would have been a broken man following her around for titbits of affection.

She would get really upset every couple of months about something and it would be up to me to patch it up again. I didn't want to be stuck in that role for forever. I think T.P. hasn't dated many nice chaps, all her previous boyfriends cheated on her, or worse. So I don't know if she knew how to behave with someone who was just happy to be in her company and didn't want to hurt her.

I think we had very different ideas of what a happy relationship was and perhaps what was important in life. It's a shame it turned out like that, but I hope we have both learned something from it all.

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