Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I've been recruited to help the ex-porn star find a new chap. She is currently on a website which is specially designed to allow very rich chaps to meet pretty girls. I'm sure you can guess the name but I won't mention it. Anyway it appears that while the chaps on this website are (apparently) wealthy they aren't very glib, you wouldn't believe the sort of nonsense that my friend has been sent by this chaps in an attempt to seduce her.

Anyway, just put aside the thoughts of how ghastly this website is (and it is horrible) and concentrate on the matter in hand - the poor quality of chaps bothering my friend. In an attempt to try and improve the level of chap messaging her I re-wrote her profile to make it a bit more pithy. Don't ask why, it seemed like a good idea after two bottles of wine.

It seemed to have worked as she has more chaps messaging her now. And they are at least trying to engage in a conversation with her, but she is at a loss over what to say back to them. For some reason she has managed to rope me into helping write her replies.

It's a very strange situation to be in, akin to the situation in Cyrano De bergerac except I don't have a big nose and I'm not secretly in love with chaps my friend is talking to. So I suppose it's not that close really, I just wanted to have a post titled Roxanne because.

1) It's a bit like that film with Steve Martin (which is based on Cyrano De bergerac)
2) The person I'm helping used to be a porn star, so it's a bit like that song by Sting
3) The stage name of my friend was a bit like Roxanne.

Anyway, I must dash because I've got to write an email to someone called Pete who goes by the name 'LoveMachine' about the sort of bands I see in London, or to be exact the sort of bands my friend would like to see if she was really the sort of person who went to see live music but she isn't.

This would all be a bit much if I hadn't had such a splendid lunch with a friend. It was a perfect lunch, I wish I was back there now having lunch right now.


Clair said...

One of the worst things I ever did (in a career of doing worst things) was to get Mr Would Need To Be Attacked By A Shark For Anything To Happen to write a personal ad for me in Time Out. Why I thought that was anything resembling a good idea, I'll never know. But ag all round. Suffice it to say that I ended up having three dates with a bloke with a ridicuously right-on job who turned out to be one of the rudest, most unkind people I've ever met. In future, I am only keeping the company of gentlemen who insist on everyone having dessert,and who know that a cup of tea solves everything.

Louche said...

What did he say in the advert?

Clair said...

Do you know, I actually can't remember. It was quite nice, if a little obtuse (like me) though. His first suggestion was something along the lines of 'my friend is looking for a bloke as good as she is', which was rather sweet.

Mr Chipz said...

What's the name of this heinous website? I'm curious...I want to see what stupidly wealthy men say to try and attract a mate.

I'm not a fairy, honest.

Louche said...

Mr Chips - www.sugardaddie.com