Every day it gets a little bit easier to say no to you.

From this afternoon

Her - 'What are you doing tonight?'
Me - 'I'm not sure, my supper party was cancelled'
Her - 'Well I'm going out for some drinks with friends if you want to come along?'
Me - 'I've probaby got to work late, but thanks for the offer'
Her - 'Fine, avoid me then' (said in a jokey way)
Me - 'I was hoping you would get the hint' (half joking)

I'm getting good at this.

Pink Power

Today was my first test, A asked me back to hers for a meal and a drink, and at the critical moment I said no, in a polite way of course. I said

'I don't think I'll come over tonight. Don't think I'm trying to invite myself over to stay the night, I'm not, I've got to go to a party tomorrow and things but I just can't face the commute back afterwards'

See, very civil. And I managed to resist. This was caused by two things.

The absolute indignant rage of my female friends at the fact that I was going to go back to hers on her whim. It's hard for a chap to resist when lewd pleasures might be in the offering, but the incandescent rage of my female friends helped show me the right path.

Also I was wearing my excellent pink jockey shorts today, they are a soft pink and exactly match one of my best pink shirts. Exactly, not close, exactly match. As such it is rather easier to get away with wearing them as they are part of a co-ordinated whole. A rather risky dandy-ish look but very well thought out one.

The Girls loved them and asked me to take my trousers off so they could enjoy the whole look better (I resisted as the shorts are rather tight and work-mates shouldn't know that much about you) and the Boys respected the co-ordination of the shirt and the pants.

With pants like that, a chap can say what ever he likes.

Ladies are not soduku

Yesterday evening I went back to a very good friends house for supper, we made risotto together and talked about the situation with A and various other things. It was great to talk to someone face to face about it all and speak out loud about the things that had been troubling me. Then we talked about relationships and other absent fathers. Good female friends are such a treasure.

The up shot of this is I realised that I have been putting far too much energy in trying to solve the riddle of A, she isn't a soduku to be beaten. It sounds like a simple thing, but as I was cycling home I had a bit of an ephinany. I'm just not going to think about it anymore, or talk about it with friends. It's just not going to register. If something happens, it happens but they days of military style planning and a council of advisors are over.

And thus we can return to the important matters of style.

As the season gets a bit cooler it's time to think about jackets again. I have a lovely pinstripe number that I've had for a while now, it's a bit worn around the edges so it affects a slightly rumpled, roguish air while still being smart.

The cut of it is fabulous, it's subtlety broad across the back so it's incredibly masculine and thus entirely safe to wear with a soft pink shirt without even a hint of foppishness. Not that one should fear the fop, just that sometimes it's good to have a dash of testosterone-fueled pinstripe menace to your appearance to remind people that you are a chap after all and any moment you might steal the woman away before the next round of cocktails arrive.

It's also been across my back on the start of many exciting adventures, I think I had my first French Martini while I wore it. It also saw my introduction to the London supper circuit and has almost been on more first dates than I have.

Of course I could have been wearing it through-out the summer but I don't think I was ready for it, I am now.

Oh and the soundtrack to this post is 'You can't always get what you want' by the Rolling Stones.

A missed message, a new era.

A was confusing today. She asked me out for an evening drink next Tuesday (I agreed with out thinking) and also around to her house so she could cook me a meal (this I sort of blanked because I was on the phone at the time), yet again sending strangely mixed signals after the blanking at the weekend.

Well I've had enough, this fop is not for turning. I may go for drinks with her, I'm undecided, but I'll be dashed if I'm going to go around to her house.

I've got a week full of supper dates with lovely girls lined up, fast becoming two weeks actually. These girls are a mixture of good friends and ex-lovers so they shall be brilliant company and good advice. I may even get the occasional hug out of it.

As such I've decided that A shall have to work very hard for my attention now, as much as I would like things to work out I simply won't put up with this sort of behavour from anyone.

This was inspired from two thing. reading through my diary this morning, (it goes back three years now, which I think is actually quite impressive) it recalls a range of girls from the nasty to the awfully pleasant. I was reminded what nice girls are like.

The second part was when I talked to work friends about the weekend they were if anything more shocked by A's behavour, specifically the not meeting me at the airport part.

The grubby sales person even said something rather astute about it all which was a touch shocking, especially considering the situation he's got himself into. It's that classic thing of being able to see other peoples problems with complete clarity.

The kindness of strangers.

I went to the pub yesterday with some chums and a random woman came up to me and used the line below.

'You know, you look like Jonny Depp, can I have your number?'

I don't look like Jonny Depp. But I gave her my number, it seemed rude not too.

The chums were on form; I had to go outside for a bit as I was laughing so hard it was hurting. It's nice to spend time with friends like that. People who really care and make you laugh so much it can be dangerous for your health.

What a lovely end to a some-what troubled weekend.

For every time, there is a tea.

My new tea is chamomile, I drank it in the villa in the mornings when no-one else was awake and I wondered why I was getting such a frosty reception from A.

The holiday was not what I expected at all. The villa was amazing and the weather perfect but alas things with A were not as I would have hoped. In the time between her departure and my arrival something happened, some shift of attitude. We were not alone together for even a moment so I couldn't really bring it up but it did rather put touch less pleasant spin on the holiday.

I don't really understand it, especially as it seems every other girl I've ever met is suddenly thinking of me and asking me out. While I holiday I got another raft of messages asking if I could go out for a drink. It is nice to be wanted by some people at least.

I don't know what my next move will be now, there is a lot to consider.

It's arrived

Note: please read this post while listening to Morning Mood (allegretto pastorale) by Grieg.

The day has come for my journey to Sodom and Gomorrah. I'm packed, groomed to within an inch of my life and ready for what ever the weekend throws at me.

I had to pack rather late last night, even by the time I had got home I was still not in any sort of state to co-ordinated socks. It's over now, and while I may have been a dash excessive on the shirt side of things I think I have a good mix.

I'm wearing my greatest pants, not best. Best doesn't quite convey the sense of wonder and awe that this underwear deserves. What makes them even better is if I decide to jump straight into the pool on arrival at the villa (provided I know where it is of course) they would not let me down in the important department of not revealing too much while still looking good.

Yes, these are very dangerous pants. Of course they have benefits I feel the likelihood of an attack on the flight is greatly reduced while wearing them. At the first sign of a threat to my fabulous undergarments I would be forced to spring into action. People talk about getting between a lioness and her cubs, have no idea of the dangers of endangering a fop's wardrobe.

While my sartorial situation is very much in hand I am still undecided with regards to A. Should I resist the kiss? (this is a rhetorical question ladies before you think about posting something smug) I've devised a few speeches and discarded them for being impossibly annoying. I think I may just take this weekend as it comes and see where the adventure leads me.

I wonder what will happen...

One more bottle...

I just had a lunch meeting. I drank 4 bottles of wine. I'm ruined, I have no capacity for booze since I've got into shape.

I've got to pack tonight, and I can't feel my legs.

Oh dear.

Mystic Louche Predicts...

Note: Please read this next bit in a spooky voice

I see this weekend, not much is clear. I see, I see a change. Something ends and another begins.

I see a choice, a difficult one. The right path doesn't involve lavish gifts. Yes it will be a time of changes.

You can stop the spooky voice now.

I'm pretty sure something will change this weekend. I'm not sure what but change indeed. Sadly 'change' is one of the hardest events to dress for. Should I pack a suit? Does change require formal wear? What sort of shoes are best for change?

It's only a weekend so I don't need that many changes of clothes do I? I'm sure I could get by on only two outfits a day, plus a spare one.

So far I've packed a towel and selected my fragrances for the trip, I've gone for citrus based scents as I feel that will fit in better with occasion. H texted me, he is having a whale of a time there already, it's very hot there and now at least I know the vague location of his apartment so I have a fall back on somewhere to stay I won't have to rough it like Ray Meyers, living off the land and hunting for food.

I'm listening to 'The Beast' by Milt Buckner, it is ultra lounge. It makes me want to drink cocktails, I haven't had a decent cocktail in ages. I want to go to a cocktail bar and talk to girls in nice shoes. It's been such a while since I chatted up a girl in a bar with immoral intentions, I half wonder if my patter is out of date.

Saying that 'ding dong' is timeless...

J' accuse!

I had another female friend accuse me of being:

'someone who secretly enjoys tortured romantic entanglements and such like'

What poppy cock! While I do enjoy the thrill of the chase this sort of situation is just bad for the soul. It's the sort of thing that encourages a chap to go to Budapest and work on an getting an absynthe habit.

I've already had adventures with absynthe and it was a miracle I survived the first time. While skipping across the rooftops of Edinburgh wearing a cape does hold a special warped place in my memory I don't think I have enough luck in me for a second attempt.

Well I'm now two days away from going to Ibiza, I would say my mood is pensive, tinged with a bit of hope. I would imagine that to be a sort of purple.

Links

I would just like to say thank you to those people that have started linking to me; and also everyone who has commented. It's lovely to hear that some people are actually reading things blatherings. One or two have even gone so far as to say they enjoy it.

Thank you again, you really are jolly good sports.

Louche's Second Theory of Girlativity

This weekend has been weird, very weird. As Friday was the last day before A went to Ibiza with the advance party I thought it would be best to be as jovial as possible and I was. Then at the end of the day there was a mission to the pub but I had other events to go to which seemed to cause great offense to A.
I said 'please lets part on good terms so I can look forward to my holiday.' Which seemed to work, even if she was a bit peeved. Anyway I went home and didn't think much more on it, apart from that we could have left on better terms.

A then phoned on Saturday morning, in a very friendly way for no real reason. Then for the whole of Saturday a wide range of girls were sending me text messages about 'things'. I don't think I've ever had so many messages with out prompting in one day. There must be something in the air today.

So I have formed my second theory of girlativity. This that there are actually three different versions of every girl. One is evil, one is nice and the third one is entirely theoretical. These girls swap places at a moments notice and are impossible to tell apart, aside from their entirely different attitudes. I'm going to see if there is anyway you can track the changes, or even map them. This information could save chaps all over the globe.

I'm going

I've booked the time off, it's public knowledge. 48 hours in Ibiza.

It is either going to be the worst holiday ever, or brilliant. I don't see any middle ground.

Girls, a scientific study

Here is a jolly scientific diagram showing how girls work/what they are made off. It shows how girls change as you get to know them better.

It's very scientific, I'm even wearing a white lab coat as I type this.

A recipe for chestnut rolls, by popular request

Here you go chaps. This is from my mother who got it off one of her friends. They are absolutely delish!

Chestnut Sausage Rolls

8 ounces of puff pastry

1 8oz can of unsweetened chestnut puree

I small onion, grated

I crushed garlic clove

I tablespoon lemon juice

I tablespoon soy sauce

4 oz soft brown breadcrumbs

chilli powder

(This is the standard recipe. I put a lot more garlic, onions, soy and chilli in than this because I hate bland stuff.)

Mix filling ingredients. Leave for a while so the breadcrumbs plump up. Add a few more breadcrumbs if mix is too sloppy. It needs to be the consistency of sausagemeat. Roll pastry thinly, cut into long strips 2 inches wide. Roll chestnut mix into rolls size of a little finger and length of the pastry strips and lay on top of the pastry. Damp edges of pastry with cold water, then roll them round mix, pressing edges together. Prick with fork, cut into small rolls, brush with egg or milk if poss. Bake for 10 mins 190 degrees C; 375 degrees F or gas mark 5. You can make these and freeze them before you cook them: they take 15 mins in oven from frozen. Very good with a dip like mango chutney or sour cream.

A time for trousers

Earlier in the year, in a frenzy of trouser buying I ordered a lovely pair of dark green corduroy trousers. I slightly underestimated the fit so they weren't terribly comfortable while I could fit in them it wasn't an awfully nice experience. Anyway, I was sad that they weren't for me but they were such a pleasant colour I couldn't get rid of them. That would have been cruel.

Anyway, while rooting through the trouser section of my wardrobe I came across them again. They fit splendidly now. All the weeks of cycling have really paid off now that I can wear these trousers. They are writers trousers, trouser for a chap with something to say to the world.

Speaking of writing I got a piece commissioned, it's going to need a bit of work but it is in. Huzzah.

In other news the situation with A is better, still a bit strange but better. I want to stay 'pleasant' with her until she goes on holiday, as I would hate to arrive with the additional baggage of dread. I've recently found out that my jolly good chum H is going to be on the Island at the same time, only a village away so if it all goes terribly wrong I can go and join him; which is an excellent spot of luck. Pleasant should be easy, she is only in the office for three more days and I'm going to be in meetings for most of tomorrow.

A kissed me twice today without prompting (this was due to my cooking mostly, my spiced chestnut rolls are to be feared for their addictive tastiness.) but to be honest I'm more excited about the fit of my trousers, they are so devilishly green.

Of course, after the holiday maybe things will change with the girl, I'm not sure yet. Girls are so very troublesome.

So

I'm still going on holiday with A (and a load of her friends) it's in two weeks time but I'm really not looking forward to it.

I'm not looking forward to it because I think she will try and kiss me, and I'm not really built for this on/off stuff. I like to know where I stand with people. I think the whole casual thing only really works if you don't actually like the person but quite like bedroom activities so you are only going along with it until something better comes along.

What concerns me is I don't know if, when the time comes, I will have the strength to say no.

It is not a great position to be in, she has made it rather clear that nothing is going to happen between us for at least a while and yet I get the impression that if I did actually move on and see someone else there would be repercussions.

At least I'm going to Devon tonight (hopefully) so I can have three whole blissful days completely woman and work free.

I might have finally become a grown up.

I had a prickly moment last night with A. There was an invite back to her house, but I really wasn't in the mood and she was being a bit 'strange' So I ended up changing on the tube and going home instead of going back to hers.

I also said something I really shouldn't have as a way of making light of the situation. She had invited me back, but with a set of conditions. This annoyed me a bit, so I got in a bit of a huff and decided not to go back to hers - I really couldn't face the 1 hour and a half commute back home after watching a film I don't really enjoy that much. Not staying the night was one of the conditions as you may have guessed.

Anyway we didn't part on the best of terms and this morning things were chilly to say the least. Now historically this would have been the point at which I had ejected from the whole situation, had a boozy weekend and the moved on.

Today I did something different, I invited A for a mid-morning coffee so we could talk. We went to my favourite café - The Troubadour and sat down. I said it wasn't anything bad but I wanted to talk outside of work.

I apologised for the thing I said last night and explained about how I didn't just change my mind about the evening because some activites had forbidden, but that I just needed to try and get an early night. I also asked her to cut me a bit of slack because I wasn't terribly experienced at talking about my feelings, or having grown up conversations without spicing them with pithy one-liners.

She accepted my apology and was pleased that I had explained my actions. Things are good again, if cooler. Nothing naughty is going to happen for a while which is probably a good idea - I've got some things I really should sort out in my head first and she is still beating herself up about her ex. This self-flagellation is going to continue for a while and there is nothing anyone can do to shake her out of it - other people have been telling her to sort it out.

I'm not ecstatic about the current situation but I'm pleased we have got over what was a bit of a block on things (A described it as a wall), plus I've never had a grown up conversation with a girl, I tend to just get rid of them when they stop being fun.

What ever next eh?

Holidays.

Yesterday in a fit of bravado I finally booked my tickets to Ibiza. I'm now officially going on holiday with A (and a load of her chums) I couldn't take the entire week off due to work but I am going for a long weekened.

I don't think I will actually see a club while I am there, our villa is on the quiet side of the island in the hills it has a pool and a girl I really rather like so I don't see much reason to go clubbing with the masses.

I have a feeling this holiday will be interesting to say the least; by that I think it will be the beginning of something new or the end of something. I've never been on holiday with a girl before.

Sunstroke, girls being offended and missing parties

I managed to give myself Sunstroke yesterday. I had to go down to the King's Road to pick up my credit card from a work chum. It was a bit strange going to the King's Road again after not living there anymore. I used to go there every weekend to do some light shopping at least, every café has a little memory attached to it, every bar a fun night out even some of the shops remind me of special things at happened.

What it was most like was seeing an ex-girlfriend, she had moved on, I had moved on. There was that strange mix of comfort of the familiar and also a sort of cool detachedbehaviorr. Of course it's just a street; and all these thoughts were probably early warning signs that I had caught too much sun.

Afterretrievingg my card I skipped up to Fruitstock to meet up with some chums. Regent's Park is a lovely place, I think it might be the best of the early-date parks. The mixture of crafted lawns and just enough privacy would be perfect for a picnic with a hamper. And it has rowing boats on a lake with weeping willows.

The chums were in good salts and I managed to track them down after a few phone calls to mobiles. I'm amazed how people ever met up at events before mobiles, although so many people were usingtheirss in Regent's Park that the network kept being jammed. I left after a few hours as I had caught a bit too much sun to the point where I felt like I was drunk, I could barely think.

I stumbled home feeling more than a touch unusual with a slight detour to 'explore' St Johns Wood, or put it another way, get hopelessly lost.

A was texting through out the day, she was asking about the picnic as she thought it was a date and then she sent me a slightly terse text message about how she 'didn't appreciate being referred to in that way' about something I had said early in the week about someone else.

I do try to keep our affair a secret at work, while I'm sure everyone suspects really I do occasionally have to provide cover stories for why I'm not going out with the chaps after work. It was one of these cover stories that was mentioned, that A thought was about her. So after I realised she was that annoyed, I called her to explain so I hope the matter is cleared up now.

It was all a bit much to deal with when a chap is feeling under the weather, so much so that he couldn't go to a party. I do hate to miss out on a good party.

Why not drinking is bad.

I'm trying to do a whole week with out booze, coffee or chocolate. While I treasure my vices at the best of times, I do think when the pressure is on sometimes they don't help as much as we would like to think they do.

Oh I'm not saying booze isn't a wonderful thing but after the week I've just had I think we need some time apart to see if we really have a future.

Last night was the traditional Friday-in-the-pub, I drank pints of orange juice and managed to leave my card behind the bar so I'm going to have to co-ordinate getting it back today. This is made slightly more complicated as one of my work-chums took my card home so it is about twice as far away as it was before.

I was going to buy a cane today to celebrate getting another raise at work, this time with-out asking. I always like to mark occasions like this by getting something a bit unusual. When I got my first job I bought a beautiful watch, after that a lovely 3/4 length black coat when I left it and so on.

I think it is time I had a cane, a chap can only be so dapper with out a cane and I think it is time to up the stakes.

I just have to get my credit card back first.

The effect of good clothes

I'm up rather early, I haven't had an awful lot of sleep and none of the things that are troubling me are sorted out.

And yet I'm in a splendid mood, and do you know why? Because I'm wearing my fanatastic new pants. Underwear can be so inspiring sometimes.

Introductions.

I got my friend who works at a very serious and well known music magazine to go to A's gig last night. He was very impressed and is going to write something about her when he gets back from holiday. A good review from him will probably be enough to launch her career, or anyones for that matter.

The things you do for people you fancy eh?

A matter of italics

I was ill for quite some time, while I am informed that it wasn't the dreaded flu it was definitely a very nasty bug. Sadly it was one of those weeks when taking time off wasn't an option so instead of fully recovering in a lovely bed I had to go into work and be ill at people like a brave little soldier.

When went in I discovered why I couldn't really take any time off; this month is going to be a hard one. I can't say too much but the situation is serious.

Things with A are slightly more compicated that before. While I was unwell she didn't visit me; even though when I was taking her grapes she swore she would should the situation ever arise. Last night she was supposed to come around and cook me supper as a treat but that didn't happen, for various reasons which I won't go into now.

The thing about wishing for a change in the status quo is that when it does happen it can rather make you long for the good old days when everything was the same.

It's not all bad though, I picked up a beautiful shirt last week in a sale and some fantastic underwear. This underwear is actually a bit of a liability it's so splendid I'm filled with an urge to show it to people.