Robert Mugabe quits after discovering Facebook group against him

Robert Mugabe resigned today after discovering that a Facebook group had been set up against him.

"I had no idea that people thought this way. Political protest is one thing but some of the posts on the wall in that group about me were horrible. I don't have a fat head, who said this" He said, before running off to his room crying.

A short while later he had updated his twitter status to say that he 'hated the interspaz and didn't have a fat head, okay'

The international community are shocked by this sudden development but Ban Ki-moon of the Republic of Korea, the eighth Secretary-General of the United Nations had this to say.

"People don't realise the power of these Facebook groups. In the 60s and 70s huge marches were required to protest against things but these days a few bored people will join a group just to break up the flow of wedding photos. Seriously though, is there a way of making it so you don't see everyone's wedding photos of Facebook? I only friended those people from my old school to see how fat they had become."

Other unpopular international leaders are now nervously checking Facebook. Kim Jong-il, the Leader of North Korea is said to only have a Beebo account, and spends most of his time on Flickr anyway but it is only a matter of time before he realises the scale of the disapproval out there, and the wall posts about him.

Jonathan Evans, the new head of MI5 revealed that Facebook is only be the latest tool used by the intelligence community.

"The situation in Iraq proved that you can't just use brute force to change a regime, we need to use social networking as a vector to undermine these people and let them know we think they are losers. It's not just a way of spreading information, we can use it to gather it as well. I have become friends with Osama Bin-Laden on Facebook and now I can find out what his status updates are. One day he is going to trip up and reveal too much and then we will have him."

These tactics have already been proven to work. General Petraeus the mastermind behind the successful 'surge' in Iraq revealed in a recent interview that the turning point was the creation of WWW.CAN-I-HAZ-AN-IED.COM where pictures of insurgents were captioned with poor spelling.

"Oh my god, that was so skill," said General Petraeus, "We did this one where a man was falling over and the caption said 'CAUSING TERROR UR DOIN IT RONG' it got thousands of hits and the next day it was everywhere."

Even though Mugabe has now left office he thinking about starting up a blog. "Yeah it will be aces." He said in a press conference. "I'm going to like totally raw and I'm going to reveal loads of secrets and stuff."

Mugabe made his first post a few moments after that and it was about what he had for lunch and how he hated his best friend. Several publishers have approached him with interest provided he is willing change the style slightly to turn it into Chick-lit and rewrite his time in office so that he was a ditzy 20 something with messy hair who just couldn't meet Mr Right.

(This post is entirely a lie, and is at best a ham-fisted attempt at satire although Robert Mugabe does have a fat head)