Gordon Brown admits 'size was a factor' with Heathrow expansion

In a surprisingly candid interview Gordon Brown has admitted that wanting the biggest airport was a factor in the approved expansion of Heathrow.

"Sarkozy was going on about how big his airport was and how it helped him land this totally hot wife. I got a spam email about expanding my girth to impress the ladies and suddenly it all became clear.

If I really wanted to satisfy the people, and by people I mean sexy birds, I'd need the longest schlong, *ahem* I mean runway. While I understand there will be environmental concerns about this we shouldn't over look the fact that I'll be able to brag to almost every leader in Europe about how big my airports are. I think we can all agree that rocks. IN YOUR FACE SARKOZY"

Andy Wobblet, The spokesperson of the Union of the Sellers of Toblerone and Travel Plug sets had this to say.

"While we realise that most of the people travelling through the expanded airport won't actually help the British economy in the slightest they will be brilliant for us. This expansion will help support 3,000 jobs in the Toblerone mines in Switzerland and ensure the future of the people who make those funny little plug things. Basically anyone with a shop outside Heathrow airport is going to be fucked."

Andy Wobblet isn't the only person to realise this. Sir Phillip Green, head of a load of shops has put forward the following plan.

"The high street as we know it is dead, and so we have made the bold decision to move our entire selection of shops inside Heathrow. We have to move with the times, and this means putting 100% of our retail sites inside Terminal 6"

Mohammed Alfied, owner of Harrods is also said to be seriously considering relocating the iconic London store inside Terminal 6. He declined to comment but a subsidery of his, Tacky Inc is said to be lobbying the government to expand Heathrow to include Knightsbridge.

(this post might be a lie)