Gordon Brown has revealed that his new economic stimulus package is based on Ocean Finance helping him consolidate the UKs finances.
"I was a bit scared to talk to them at first," said Mr Brown, "but they were so lovely on the phone it was really easy. Initially I wasn't sure it if it was a good idea but they have that Carol Vorderman on their adverts and she knows about numbers and shit."
Mr Brown is reported to be extremely pleased with the level of service he received. "I've reduced my monthly payments massively, and I even borrowed a bit extra so I can buy myself a nice holiday somewhere hot. Of course since I'm paying less a month the UK will be paying off these debts for the next thousand years but I'll be dead by then and aliens may have invaded so I don't really give a damn."
Geoff Rogers, head of risk management at Ocean Finance had this to say.
"In the event of an alien invasion we would expect the UK to continue paying as Mr Brown decided not to take out the additional fictional event cover. If he misses payments we would have to repossess Great Britain and sell it off to recover our losses. We don't think we'd make much from Cornwall, but Wales has seen a massive increase in value thanks to Doctor Who being filmed there and people love that show."
Doctor Who was unavailable for comment
(This post is a lie)
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