What have I learned?

Well it's my final morning with the beast, so lets have a round up of what I have learned.

1)Beagles are hunting dogs so they shouldn't really live in swish studio apartments, they need places to run around that don't have precious art on the walls. It ran into something worth £80k yesterday while chasing a rubber bone and I aged a year.

2)Walking a dog isn't that relaxing as you have to always keep an eye out for nasty things on the floor for the dog to eat and keep a constant monologue of 'good boy, heel, good boy, sit, good boy'. Even worse you find yourself doing this with friends who don't enjoy being told they are a 'good girl' for stopping at a road even if it is a compliment.

3)Alpha dogs eat food first, go through doors first and just do what ever they like. Being an alpha dog is cool but you always have to watch out for the next dog to see if it is going to challenge you. When pretending to eat dog food you do sometimes accidentally eat some. It doesn't taste nice so don't try it even if it gives you a shiny coat.

4)Owning a dog means you have to think about poo a lot, the poo of something else, your social life will have to work around when the dog needs to do a poo. You will have to learn never to go out with out a plastic bag for poo. For some reason you have to say 'good boy' when it does a poo.

5)Dogs smell, but you quickly stop noticing.

6)Once you get a dog to behave on walks you start spotting other people with naughty dogs who are struggling. You can't help them though, only have a bonding conversation about how their dog was being very good a moment ago but now it is distracted.

7)Everyone in London talks to you if you have a nice looking dog, everyone it can take ages to get anywhere because of this.

Which isn't to say I haven't learned anything useful. I've learnt a lot about subtle power struggles thanks to this dog. I used to work with a chap who would steal my food from the fridge, I never found a way to deal with that but now I think I could counter it.

I've also learned that I'm not ready for a dog, let alone children. Dry clean only clothes and plastic plants are as far as much as I can handle now.