The house sitting has begun and I've come to realise that the dog I thought was 'charmingly naughty' was actually a little demon sent to cause misery and do large poos in front of the police.
I hate this dog.
It barks if it doesn't get attention, requires three long walks a day and it has decided to be a chastity monitor and so if I even so much as kiss T.P. when it can see it goes bananas and barks.
Walks are a nightmare, this thing is completely untrained so it tries to eat everything it comes across. You can imagine the sorts of things that you encounter in the streets in central London.
Yesterday I tried letting it off the lead in a park, it ran off and with in about 30 seconds it had eaten several hundred pounds of luxury foods from other peoples picnics. It was completely shameless, and I was surprised I didn't get me into a fight.
I really can't see the point in having this dog, there is no unconditional love only a battle of wills and cleaning up of shit.
After three days of this with not enough sleep due to a constant need to be let out to go for a pee I'm a broken man. I had a stress headache yesterday from it all. It's got to change or I'm going to need some start taking sedatives.
Today is the day things change. I've been looking up dog training on the Internet and when I gave it it's breakfast of luxury food in a funny rubber thing I pretended to eat it before I handed it over.
Yeah, I'm totally going to try and establish myself as Alpha dog and when I take it out for the morning walk today I've got special passive-aggressive tactics to use when it pulls on the lead and tries to eat a tramps foot.
In your FACE dog*
*unless this doesn't work, then I'm really in trouble.
2 comments:
You. Are. Hilarious. Laughed a lot while reading this post. Which is saying something considering how much my toe hurts today!
Sorry to hear about your toe, do you fancy looking after a dog to cheer you up?
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