Crimble

I love Christmas, it is well skill. Giving people stuff, wearing silly hats, drinking special wine, what isn't there to like?

Last year I went drinking out with a friend in Soho while wearing a Christmas hat, and I swapped it for some coconuts. That is a Christmas miracle. It's also the only month of the year when it is acceptable to have a tree full of squirrels, birds and lights in your front room.

This year I wonder how many days will pass before I get sick of mince pies, I'm going to bet about 4. It's not a problem, there is always festive ginger bread and a plethora of chocolate based snacks to mark this special month.

T.P.'s parents don't go in for Christmas in a big way, so this year is going to be a bit of a shock for her. Christmas is a big thing at Chez Louche, and none of that religious poppy-cock either, I'm talking about eating too much, playing silly games and watching James Bond films through an alcoholic fug.