Monday, November 21, 2005

Shell-shock and mung beans.

I have shell-shock, the effects of late nights, wine and other people's fetishes has got to me. I want to wear lots of army clothes, especially vests and smoke while warning people to keep an eye out for 'charley' or 'bosh'. Then after a bit I want to go all crazy and work on growing a fab beard while mumbling about how Jones was a good man, and we lost too many good men.

More importantly I don't want to see any nude people ever again, or have sex. I might have to be come one of those smug abstinence people and move to Islington and eat mung beans for the rest of my days. There was a while when I was tempted to become a Bhuddist but I hate the colour orange and so it just couldn't work for me. If they can come up with a Business class Bhuddism with a better colour scheme and some good benefits I will definitely revisit the whole thing.

I am sure I will be fine in a couple of days really, after I have washed my soul out with lemons, bleach and lavender.

Last night I ended up taking two girls back to the flat for more drinking adventures, I gave them both goodie bags of lippy and other things and showed them my bathroom. They both said it was a very gay bathroom but liked my choice of essential oils. I think they were just jealous of my shampoo.

We drank lots of wine (well actually I drank wine, they mostly spilled it on the floor) while watching Black Books and talking about rubbish. There was a point in the evening when it all could have got very, VERY rude but it was deftly side-stepped, through my now very practiced technique.

I think it is going to be at least a week before I can face any sort of adult activity - by adult I mean something naughty, not just talking about mortages and where the good schools are.

No comments: