Tuesday, November 15, 2005


It is Erotica this week, so after Wednesday most of my week is going to be spent having mechanics from Dudley tell me about their sex lives. I don't want to hear about the sex lives of ugly people, but at least the fact they talk in a funny way makes up for what they are saying.

'y'am loiks it up the bum'

Last time I met lots of tranvestites who worked in the building trade, they had big thick arms and dressed liked Tory wives from the home counties. The ones I chatted too seemed quite pleasant until they kept going on about how they wanted their winky chopped off.

In preperation for being hit with this barrage of filth and debauchery I have got in some supplies of food to help cleanse the spirit. Lots of green tea and some mangos. I am going to have to buy some more mangos now as I ate most of them last night as they were too tasty looking. I love mangos me, if I was James Bond, Goldfinger would just have to send in a girl with a tray of mangos and I would probably crack.

James: So do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mr Bond, I expect you to die.
James: Aren't you supposed to try and use mangos on me?
Goldfinger: Nope, lasers hurt more.
James: This dialogue doesn't make much sense anymore.
Goldfinger: Not really, fancy a mango?
James: Oh yes please. Can I have a knife so I don't make a mess?
Goldfinger: Of course, I just had the carpets cleaned you know.

ACTION: James takes knife and stabs Goldfinger with it and then runs off with a girl and a nice car, and more mangos.


Also at Erotica will be some people who work in porn, most of them think I am gay too.

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