I'm no well.

I've caught the flu off A, proper flu. This is rubbish.

This is what happens if you are nice to sick people and take them grapes.

This one is mostly about girls.

I've always been a sucker for subtle displays of affection. I can remember the first girl I had a proper grown up relationship with. We were going to see a live band in a pub on a warm summers evening and she reached back to take my hand as we walked through the crowds. It wasn't expected but that made it more pleasant if anything.

Other girls have done nice things for me, but that one has stuck out and I don't really know why.

Things are going well with A. She came over for supper on Tuesday and we had a very pleasant albeit rather hot evening. It was quality time and it just worked. Yesterday in the office I was showing her how do something dull yet mildly important and her hand snaked out and stroked my leg. I do enjoy being caught off guard like that.

Last night I had another female friend come over. It was pleasant enough but she had designs on me which made me rather uncomfortable; so I had to send her away at 9. I think I am only going to have 'other girls' over to the flat in pairs from now on. It makes them less likely to do the ol' stretch and yawn.

The weekend; in two parts.

Saturday
Early start to get lift with H to Devon in his car (which is aces, I want one now). Breakfast at my mum's house after geese attack the car. Then drove to Village fete at Monkokehamption where old assistant and The Ice Queen were.

Wore a bag as hat, drank cider and had a burger eating contest.I managed 5 in two minutes, thus securing victory. H gets asked by couple if he wants discrete 'good times' and fun. Rather taken a-back by Devon being a hotbed of 'the life style'

Drive on to next party which was rather full of couples. Pitched tent, drank lots and talked nonsese. I didn't get to sleep in the tent as H had made a 'new special friend'. Ended up in a double bed in the houseso did rather well out of it.

Sunday
Pimms and Croquet, emerged as the croquet champion. Returned to London.

Spiffing.

Nothing? Nothing tra-la-la

I am drunk, actually drunk doesn't cover it. I'm ruined. What was supposed to be a quiet night in evolved into something far, far different.

I think the first warning sign was at 3 of the clock when after getting some rather good information I decided to go to the pub to tell it to the editor. I started on soft drinks and then we got a bottle of wine. When the rest of the office finished up we transferred over to the 'Friday pub' and with the re-enforcements we set about more bottles of wine and various other drinks.

It was all very good, the people were on form and lots of silly things were said. A nearly outted our affair, or at least started talking about something that would in two conversational jumps lead to confirming the affair to everyone at work. I say confirming as people have long suspected.

At some point, I can't remember how it started, one of the sales chaps downed a pint. This let to a bit of good natured trash talking and a downing competition was organised. I joined in, much to the amusement of my work colleagues. Thankfully my three hard years in Scotland being trained in drinking paid off and I left everyone in a Guinness flavoured wake. The Editor was in shock for quite a while afterwards. I love it when people underestimate me.

A and I did try and arrange to meet up for some personal time, which was tricky as she has gigs this weekend so had to return to her home town that evening. A plan was formuated where I would meet her at her house for a bit of fun, after I had dropped my bike off at home but that didn't happen. I had a bit of an incident with a bus on the way home and was somewhat delayed so I cancelled the appointment.

It was a good idea. Aside from the annoying logistics of crossing London to drop off my bike and then crossing again, it wouldn't have been a very long encounter, and it would have been a bit too easy for A. I've got to be a little less available if this is really going to end up how I want it too.

Hot.

Today was good, I think I could very much get used to going into work at 3pm. Although it's probably the sort of thing one should keep as on occasional treat. The lovely hot weather helped too.

I've got a late start tomorrow as well, although not quite as late as today. Thankfully it will be easier as my bike is now fixed, I'm so glad to have my bike back.

Clearly me not being in the office had a bit of an affect on A, she was positively wanton by the time I arrived. We even ended up staying late after everyone had left...

What a lovely day.

Working from home.

I'm working from home today, it is lovely. I've got loads done so far and I can grab a shower when ever I want to, this is what civilisation is all about.

See I just took a shower then, brilliant!

I could get very used to this.

My weekend, in pictures

Here you go (TLI is A).

I've done it again

I've managed to spend most of my pay already, I'm as shocked as you chaps. I can't remember spending it on anything special. I may have been buying rather a lot of good bottles of wine but apart from that.. No actually when I think about it I have been buying all sorts of nonsense.

Blast.

Well I'm going to have to come up with some other sort of income stream, perhaps a gentleman diamond thief.

I'm going to have to do this fast as I managed to shatter, yes shatter not break, the chain on my bike on the way home last night. I say shatter because it exploded breaking in two different places. So I had to walk all the way home; with my bike. I won't be drinking and cycling again I can tell you, or at least I won't be until I go and buy a new chain.

Thank heavens for female friends.

They are the most wonderful things, double agents in nice shoes. A positive wealth of information and they tend not to burp after lunch.

Why, might you ask am I in such a spiffing mood? Well today I was woken up by my alarm. Not something a chap normally celebrates but I haven't had an unbroken nights sleep in months. Sleep is such a precious thing. It was a delight to be roused from a stupour by Brahms for a change.

True to form

Well the night was full of changes. I spent most of it working, and thus only got to speak to A for the briefest of moments which is a shame as she looked fabulous. Some things happened that ended up making me very jealous, which is an awfully unattractive quality so I did the only sensible thing and removed myself from the situation.

I got to talk to a lot of friends which was lovely, for the brief periods when I wasn't working. I think if I'm going to work a party again I'm going to have to get paid up front as I was exhausted by the end of it. To make matters work everyone else was smashingly drunk and I was still very much legal to drive.

A few other things happened on Thursday that caused me to think more. I've had a lot of work dropped in my lap, which means the holiday with A is off. I simply can't take time off, this is make-or break time for me, and to quite a large respect the company. It's going to be a crucible and if I get through it things will be excellent. If I don't, well I think I shall become one of those countryside tramps who sleeps in hedges and catches rabbits.

Most of Saturday was spent asleep (I was completely exhausted from Thursday) apart from a brief period where I went to see the new pirate film (it is ace) did some food shopping (mostly fruit) and then bumped into Jonny Depp on the way back from the shops (shorter than I expected but had a lovely hat).

On Sunday A came over. She said she was angry at me (in a joke way) because in her dream the night before I had said less than complimentary things about her compared to other women and she woke up in a furious rage about this. However when she appeared we got on famously, it was a perfect Sunday of cooking, drinking wine, private time and watching films spralled out on the sofa lounging like basking lizards.

I think we both experienced something we didn't expect on Thursday night, and that has changed things a bit. It's going well right now, for the future who knows? I must admit it's hard to see how things will progress to a happy ending as much as I would like that to happen. Or at least a happy ending without some other considerable change.

A night of changes

Tonight is going to have some changes. I'm not sure what sort of changes but I think they will be surprising. I'll do a full update tomorrow to see if my prediction is accurate, but I'm sure there will definitely be changes.

That's about it really, the bikini turned up today so I gave it to A, she was delighted and was beaming smiles for the rest of the afternoon. I do like making girls happy.

Well I suppose it is time to set off, I do hope that what ever happens my favourite white linen suit doesn't suffer, that would be ever so sad.

Just in the mind...

Most of the things I were stressing about were entirely in my mind, at the very least I was rather misreading the situation.

It's an affair now, I still don't know what I really want, if a proper relationship would be better or worse. I'm just confused I suppose.

On an interesting note, a few of my confidants are going to meet A tonight for the first time. I wonder what they will think of her.

A very bad idea.

A spent the whole of yesterday being very naughty in the office. Levels of naughtiness that made me blush constantly. This peaked at about 4pm when she was suggesting a trip to the park. The boundary between 'things that stayed in Devon' and work was not just crossed it was absolutely smashed.

I managed to get my work done eventually and we went home together, as we were waiting on the platform more inappropriate behavior was being instigated by A. By the time we arrived however things had changed, apparently A was taken a back by the premeditated nature of it all. Going to the supermarket, getting supplies for supper and all that. By the time we got back to her flat she was being rather strange.

We talked about it a bit and it was the fact that it was so planned that threw A, the going home together and quasi-relationship part. I said that if she was really so confused she really shouldn't act as she had in the office, it wasn't a good idea for either of us. She agreed, saying that she didn't mean to be a tease, it's just the had been thinking on the tube and had a bit of a reality check.

I ended up staying the night and it was fun, don't get me wrong. I left at 6:15 (I naturally wake up early so it wasn't a problem) on A's request so we didn't arrive at the same time. I don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. The hold-cold stuff is very annoying but I do understand that she is probably struggling internally with her emotions.

It's almost a shame yesterday happened at all, I would hate for the memory of the weekend to over-shadowed by this. I'm slightly haunted by something my mother said after meeting A, that she was a lovely girl but dating her would be a complicated affair.

Well.

Things haven't returned to normal.

A just did something that wasn't for 'just friends'.

Maybe it's the heat, maybe it is my new shorts but I can barely think right now. This is bad as I have a deadline and I need to be able to write something.

Sunday, day of events, plus a bit of Monday.

I wasn't picked up for the party until midday so I spent the morning sorting out various bits and bobs and spending time with my little brother. Just after lunch time the boyfriend of A's friend picked me up in his jeep-thing and we drove to meet them talking about what he did for a living.

We met up with A and her chum at the super market as they were getting extensive supplies for the barbecue, most of which were liquid, and various other bits and bobs. Then we foiled ourselves into the back of the jeep-thing and drove over to the parents house. The road was very bumpy and it was a good job A and were good friends.

The house was lovely, and in a corner it had one of those giant paddling pools that is almost a swimming pool. After quick hellos we all got changed into our swimming gear and piled in. The water was cool, and A and I had some time alone before everyone else appeared. So we used the time the best way we knew how, by kissing some more. We stopped as we heard other people come down the path, I thought at this point our pro-affair was still undercover. A assured me that her friend had twigged eons ago. Clearly I am not the spy I thought I was.

We had more cocktails, I had home-made sangria for the first time which is now my favourite summer drink. After a few more rounds of cocktails we went back to the house so the serious business of barbecuing could begin. The weather was perfect and the dogs, two lovely cross breeds caused Jake and Molly provided a great deal of entertainment as they gambled around begging for crisps and attention.

The supper was lovely and full of laughter again. There is something very special about a family that eats and laughs together. The whole weekend was bathed in family happiness. Shortly after supper A and I went for another dip in the pool. No-one else was brave enough to face it as the warmth of the day had faded a bit. It afforded us some time alone and we kissed some more.

I've always had a thing about forward women, women who know what they want and A did not disappoint at all. After a while, and before things could get too heated the rest of the guests strolled down to the garden and had cocktails with us.

The sun wasn't as powerful at this point and I quickly got rather cold so A and I went to have showers and to change into dry clothes. We ended up sharing a shower which lead on to some things happening that probably wasn't terribly wise but it was awfully nice.

After that we rejoined the party to play card games and I had a brandy while playing with the cat. The effects of all the booze finally caught up with A so she went to bed in quite a stop our, and I joined her, we fell asleep in each others arms with bird song outside.

At 5 the dogs woke us up, they were barking at something outside. I should mention at this point, that earlier on I phoned work to say I had missed the last train and to warn them I would be coming in on Monday late. I've never bunked off anything in my life, so I felt devilishly naughty.

A and I made love again, and tried to get a bit more sleep before the alarm went off. I didn't get that much but I was in an uncommonly good mood. A girl will have that effect on a chap.

We were driven to the train station and it really felt like the end of an adventure. A had said that what happened in Devon would have to stay in Devon. She wasn't ready for a relationship and she didn't want what happened to get into the way of work, I agreed with her so we had our last proper kiss at the train station just before we boarded. The train was packed so we ended up sitting on the floor. A fell asleep in my arms while I read a very silly book about serial killers. When we got the train station in London we said our goodbyes as friends as if it had all never happened.

It' s a strange situation, but I have had a perfect weekend so what ever happens I will always have that. I'm not even that stressed anymore, I was worried that my feelings were unrequited with A and now I know that's not true. I have a vague idea of how things may go on from now, or at least how I would like them to progress but it's not such a major thing now.

Don't get me wrong, I still very much care for A, and I know I want to be with her but if I have to wait now for a while then that isn't a bad thing, I can worry about other stuff If I feel the urge to stress.

Time for a goodly sleep now, for who knows what swift gifts the morrow bring with it?

Saturdays are nice too

On Saturday I went to the beach with my family, it was extremely hot so retiring to near the sea seemed like the wisest course of action. A whole morning and a large chunk of the afternoon was spent chasing crabs, hunting fish, building then destroying sand castles and playing about on the water in my mother's boyfriend's strange sea-canoe.

It was very restful and while bobbing around on the waves I got some time to think. After A kissed me, proper wanton kisses I found my adour cooling a bit, I've noticed that one of the side effects of my parents marriage breaking down is that the moment a girl actually starts to be into me I lose interest, it's not an instant process but I do start to think of them as a lesser person.

I thought about this a lot and how silly it was. I do feel I've missed out on at least two lovely girlfriends because of this so I spent quite a while thinking it over. Then I realised that I was also thinking about A an awful lot. The two things can't really fit into each other and I'm determined not to fall into that trap again.

On returning I started the construction of supper with my little brother. We pounded dough, chopped vegetables and, in an interesting new twist did the washing up as soon as a dirty plate appeared. When A turned up with her friends the meal was almost ready, we just had to roll out the final stage of the pasta and it was ready to eat.

Sadly something went wrong with the home made pasta, I Think it dried out at the wrong stage pre-rolling so when we came to boil it in didn't work. Because of this we had a few minutes to kill before the dry pasta was ready and we strolled up to the hammock for some more lounging (all of us). A and I lead the way and stroll a kiss by the hay barn, getting caught somewhat by her friend.

The stroll to the field was lovely, and everyone should have a good hammock. After a brief while we heard the call for supper and walked back. The Meal was a jovial affair, everyone was relaxed enough to have fun and the food was excellent even if I do say so myself.

We all laughed and then went outside so A could have her first experience of firing a proper rifle which was very entertaining she swore like a trooper when it went off and then quickly apologised for her language.

Post gun-play everyone took cocktails on the seats in the new orchard while my little brother put on a display of diablo skills before he had to go to bed then the four of us (A, A's friend C, her boyfriend and I) strolled up to the hammock again.

We swung their for a while drinking and talking. There was some slightly less than subtle accidental touching going on by A's part. At this point the designated driver wanted to go so we walked back. A and I walked slowly so we had some time alone that we quickly capitalised on by kissing behind a hedge, it was almost like being a teenager again.

They left and I collapsed into bed with a warm glow provided by cocktails and kissing. A's friend had invited me to a party at her parents on Sunday so I had that too look forward to and it was everything I hoped...

A summer's day

I always think that a good way of telling how much you like a girl is to look at how much effort you put in when they are coming around. If you can’t even be bothered to change into some fancy pants, on the of-chance things go well then perhaps you don’t like her as much as you think you do.

I have been doing gardening. Days of gardening to make my mothers house look as presentable as possible, and I really hate gardening. It wasn’t even sloppy, surly gardening. I really worked at it. I’ve never done that before in my life. Two and a half days later the gardens were looking presentable, but still rather wild. The place is awash with geese so there is only so much one can do.

On Friday, at midday I went to pick A up from her friends house in the nearby town. It was a short drive along roads that are thick with memories for me like a sun-edged fog. As I drove along I got increasingly nervous, it was like a first blind-date or perhaps an important job interview. My stomach twitched with a dash of fear and a want to do well and make a good impression. I haven’t felt that in a long time.

The pick up went well, I didn’t get lost and I drove back with A, talking about work vaguely and occasionally sharing a story of the roads we were driving down. When she arrived I introduced her to my mother and my mother’s boyfriend and we had lunch outside. They all seemed to get on well, if a bit nervously at first. Perhaps I had overstressed the importance of A’s visit to my mother a little too much.

After lunch, my mother’s boyfriend put up the hammock in-between two walnut trees in the far field. A and I sat in it, rocking slowly in the dappled sunlight and listened to soft melody of the countryside while watching House Martins dive and wheel across the sky. We talked and laughed and it was lovely, the stress of work and other things seemed a million miles away.
My brother returned from school so we went back to the house for drinks and then engaged in the traditional activity of Hedge jumping. This transformed the perfectly manicured hedge into a strange beast with humps and holes in it. Hedge jumping is a long established sport at my mother’s house so the hedge is very used to having to recover from having small boys tumble over it.

It was rather warm at this point so my little brother suggested a game of blind-mans-buff with water pistols. He was blindfolded and we had to sneak up and try and tickle him with out getting wet. A took him out quickly and thus was blindfolded and armed while we attacked. She was good, if a little eager with the water so my brother was sent off to reload the pistol, the blindfold wasn’t removed and A waited, while giggling. I stepped close and she said she could tell my lips were close to hers because of the tingling sensation on her lips. So I stepped closer again and kissed her, full on the mouth. After just a micro-second she returned the kiss passionately.
At this point my little brother returned and the game continued, when-ever he disappeared to reload the water pistol A and I stole another kiss, with some words to the effect of this wasn’t very wise.

A bit later when everyone was completely soaked we went inside for a restorative cup of tea and then went up to the hammock to dry out. My mothers, my little brother A and I all pilled in (the hammock is a South American style, so it is designed to hold families) and we talked about silly things and laughed. Some time later A and I were alone in the hammock, the rest of the people had gone inside. We talked some more about silly things and then I gave her a piggy-back through the thistles back to the farm.

In the kitchen everyone was playing cards with lots of good natured shouting while drinking cups of tea and eating biscuits. Biscuits and cakes are an important part of life in the West Country, if you don’t have three meals just composed of them a day something is very wrong.
A challenged my little brother to a game of rummy, the stakes being if she won he would have to give her a piggyback ride, and if he won there would be another water fight. He won easily and another water fight began. This one was a lot more trigger happy and within moments everyone was completely soaked. I sent my little brother off to get towels and A and I sat entwined on the wicker sofa and talked. She thought that the kissing wasn’t a very good idea, and that it was rather high risk. I agreed, and said that some things are worth the risk, but that this wasn’t anything intense it was just a boy kissing a girl after a water fight. She kissed some more then, strong passionate kisses the sort that are heavy with suppressed intent. We sat there for quite some time, drying out and kissing until it was time for supper.

The mood at supper was very nice, my mother and her boyfriend had relaxed more so the usual giggling and laughter during mealtimes had returned. One the second course of post-supper cakes had been dealt with in an appropriate manner we armed ourselves with gloves and went outside to do some baling.

Baling is normally a horrible thing to do, a week of hard labour in the sun constantly getting scratched as you lug heavy and prickly bales on to the back of trailers and then off again into a barn. This time it was fun. It might have been the fact that we only had a short burst of it to do, or perhaps it was because A was there but I really enjoyed it. All of the years of baling finally paid off as I was able to toss them about with ease (it’s mostly about technique) much to the admiration of A.

As we sat balanced on the full load of hay wobbling down the roads towards the barn we kissed again. Little stolen kisses, savouring the moment it’s not often you get to kiss a beautiful woman on a warm summer’s afternoon so these things should be taken advantage of.

After a bit of brushing down I hopped in the car to drop A back at her friend’s house. We kissed a bit more while I drove, which was rather risky but it seemed like the right thing to do. Back at her friend’s house, while the friend, James got dressed (he had been in the bath) A pounced on me again and kissed me. I saw her get more and more flushed as we kissed, it’s nice to know you have an effect on a girl. James returned and when his girlfriend, who was a very old friend of A returned we all went down to the local pub to see a band play and have a few drinks. I was on the soft-drinks as I don’t touch anything if I am going to drive. A couple of close calls in Scotland cured me of that habit.

A’s friends were very funny and the pub was full of life. Occasionally A would put her hand on my knee or link fingers with me just out of sight of her friends, but I think they noticed, even a priest would be able to pick up on the signals being sent out between A and I.

At about midnight I made my excuses and left, it had been a very long day and I knew I had a drive ahead of me. A saw me outside and stole some more kisses and I got back into the car and drove. I love driving on country lanes in the dark. It feels like you are the only person on the planet and the concentration involved to be safe (I go rather fast) means I forget everything else and just get in the zone. I really do miss having a car.

When I got back I was rather away, several pints of coke will do that to a chap so I stayed up for a bit reading and then A sent me a series of very rude text messages. Our stolen kisses had more of an effect than I thought.

I went to sleep pondering the situation. A is clearly still cut up about her old chap and I’m not in the slightest bit interested in being a rebound. The risks to both of us just aren’t worth taking for a quick roll in the hay. I have things I need to deal with as well, if I’m being honest. Now that I think about it I haven’t really been able to maintain a grown up relationship since my parent’s marriage broke up in a nasty way (The fact that it was in the papers as well didn’t help). I’ve just been having a series of intense affairs. I don’t want this to happen with A.

What ever happens I have had a perfect day with A, it couldn’t have gone any better. It’s a golden memory to treasure, and I think for the first time in a very long time I kissed a girl for the first time and I was completely and utterly sober. That makes me sound like an alcoholic, but if you think back how many times have your first kisses been helped along with a dash of booze?

Today A and her friends are coming over for supper. Who knows what the night will bring?