A sofa makes a house a home

Yes I've been rubbish not posting. I don't know why, I'd like to say because I've been entertaining my brother but mostly I think because I've been having a bit of a 'what's it all about' moment. I hope it wasn't birthday related but it might be.

The birthday was good. Small but good - I had a lot of last minute cancellations. We got a vast amount of strange booze, and drank it while messing around with one of those rockband games which was a great ice breaker. This continued until it was time to go to the slightly rubbish local club for some dancing.

We lost some of our party at this point because they were so drunk and they had to go home. The remaining people of the group danced, performed magic tricks (no really) and drank more. Much much later we returned home for some slow cooked pork and more band related nonsense.

The next day was spent in recovery watching films and eating more slow cooked food. It was a good day.

My brother has been here a week now and it's been great fun. I've even brought a sofa so people can lounge properly. I had no idea how important sofas were but now my house feel like far more of a home. Of course I got a vintage sofa set from the 1940s and so the downstairs room is now edging towards looking like something from The Chap. I've even got a new haircut to match it.

Louche-mas Eve

It's my birthday tomorrow.

Here are previous birthday related posts.

2008 - mostly about how nice my girlfriend was.

2007 - pleased with a new pith helmet

2006 - Hungover

I'll post something more in a bit but I'm feeling a bit spaced out after work.

Parallel Dating with zombies.

Today has been strange. It started off strange because I had no sleep. I had to stay up, well all night to make sure that some stories got posted for something pretty important. They were posted and we managed to get nine hours ahead of the rest of the world on some news. That was a good thing.

I made it into work, just, but I was in a daze the whole time. I don't think I've ever been that tired without being hungover in my life. It was made worse because I had to be extremely focused during the night, and that I haven't been sleeping brilliantly since the accident. I've been a zombie today.

Anyway, I had an important meeting at 2pm. It happens once every couple of weeks and I'm by far and away the most junior person in the room. I'm there because I know what I'm talking about with stuff and so I back up my boss when he gets quizzed. Well grilled would be more accurate, these meetings normally take the format of us getting verbally beaten up by a range of different people. I don't enjoy them that much, the only way to avoid getting a sack beating is to spend days before planning and re planning stuff. It's a lot of homework.

This one didn't start off well because I wasn't at 100% to say the least and my prep had been a bit sparse. The usual pleasantries were exchanged and then the grilling began. Then about half way through I said something, in passing that made it all change.

We had been set this almost impossible target of something to do, and without realising in the last month we had got mostly there. This changed the entire format of the meeting and suddenly someone else was getting grilled and I got to sit back and day dream about how early I was going to go to bed.

This was only a day dream as I have a date tonight, this is a first date with a scientist based in Cambridge. We are going to go for hot chocolate. Non-drinking dates are the new getting smashed on wine.

Also the Policewoman has said yes to a second date which is excellent. I like the Policewoman. I still don't really feel right about this 'parallel dating' but I just can't be bothered with waiting months while someone sorts their head out. Gosh, I wonder what could have caused me to adopt that attitude.

I'm being positive about it though. After the first date with the Scientist, I've got to meet up with the Teacher and the horsey lady and perhaps the Historian. Although that last one is less likely since a smashed up bike makes popping down to London a bit of a trial.

So while I may be single and slightly crippled for my Birthday, things are definitely looking up.

The thinking chair

Being a bit of a cripple is annoying. By crashing I've managed to make it so I can't do any of the things I like. I can't ride bikes, I can't ride bicycles, I can't go to the gym. It is rubbish, really quite rubbish.

I think this might be the thing that finally drives me to going to the art centre and finding something to do in the evenings that doesn't involve drinking. I need some hobbies, something to be passionate about. I also still need a cooker, which may end up being a birthday present to myself. Or at least a 'expenses cheque turning up' present to myself.

Today I hit my knee on my desk, that was extremely painful so I sort of jerked my head and now I have a hurty knee and an achy neck. I really should be put down for my own good. It's the nicest course of action.

I need to go on another grand adventure, or at least begin planning one. At the moment I just seem to spend whole evenings sat in my single comfortable chair thinking about things too much. No good can come of that.

River related japes

You know it's been a good date when you learn two new ways to break the law. Did you know 'obstructing electricity' is an offence? Also if a chap decided to steal another chaps punt for some river related japes that would be piracy? Yes, actual piracy. It's almost worth the time. Almost.

Speaking of hard time the date was fun. Not a trial at all. We went for a hot chocolate together and strolled around Cambridge (twee, nice buildings, lots of people with cameras). We talked about all sorts of things, it was terribly pleasant and rather silly. I like silly, silly is important to me. She was tall, wearing a beguilingly short skirt and had extremely good hair.

After a few hours it was time to amble home, I dived onto the train and made my way back to the cottage. I think I'd like to see the Policewoman again, but we shall see I suppose. Either way, I've got another first date to arrange with a vaguely horsey woman who also lives in Cambridge this week.

I don't really want to be seeing a bajillion people at once, I'm just being efficient that's all. The moment I sart seeing one in anything even resembling a serious fashion this nonsense will stop, until then, I want to meet as many people as possible to increase the chances of meeting someone special. It's all about the odds isn't it?

It's going to be a busy week.

Dating on painkillers

I'm off to Cambridge today. I've got a first date with a Policewoman, yes the date-fest is on-going. I always find that first dates are the most exciting, it's the high-stakes date, and I suppose they are a bit like job interviews. Both people are assessing the other one for suitability and previous experience.

I'm still fairly crippled but I think I can do this. Yes it's stiff upper lip time. Think of England and all that.

I went to see the Doctor yesterday and got a five minute assessment (yes you are lucky, eat more painkillers, give it time) and a twenty five minute lecture on the dangers of motorcycles.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, frantic working, and then a train home. Getting the train is lame but it does give me more time to read lovely books from the Woo. Right, I have to go and select some socks for my date.

What colour best says 'while my views may often seem conservative I'm actually a liberal and the increased powers given to the police service trouble me' in a sexy way?

Learning about pain

I hurt. A lot. If anything it's getting worse. About to able down to local GP for a House style examination of why I'm so hurty. It's pain-tabulous.

I'm not sure why it is getting worse but something that happens while I'm asleep - which could be as simple as lying on my back - means I wake up not feeling too chipper.

It is lame. I could do without this.

The crash wasn't my only stupid thing I did this week, while spaced out on painkillers and wine it suddenly seemed to be like a good idea to go for a drink with Chuck. It was her idea I should add. It was actually quite entertaining, and yet it definitely proof that I'm over her. She is far too mad for me. Far too mad. This didn't stop us kissing, oh god I'm such a spaz sometimes.

In other women news the girl I had a couple of dates with last week email me to say she couldn't see me anymore. It was actually very nice of her. Tell you what, since the best blog are about truth, I will post the Dear John letter.

'Hey Louche,

How's things? I just wanted to write you and explain my somewhat erratic behavior this weekend. The night before we went out this guy who is a close friend whom I've been interested in for a long time told me he broke up with his girlfriend because he likes me. This came as a complete shock to me because I really didn't think that was ever going to happen. I think you're a really awesome..and hysterically funny...guy and I'm sorry that I can't go out with you any longer. Anyways, I hope you don't mind too much. It was really great to meet you. Hope your birthday goes well!

Cheers,

NYC Girl'

So there you go, it's been quite an eventful week.

These are not lucky socks

I had a crash today. I tried to break and the tyres just wouldn't grip. I hit something fast, very fast. I then flew with the bike and did some cartwheels. Then I landed, a considerable distance down the road.

I should be dead, or have broken most of the bones in my upper body. Instead I slightly scratched my knee and bruised my back. It's a miracle. The medics said so. I'm relatively unhurt. I've always had supernaturally good luck, but I don't want to push it too far.

So I think I've given motorcycling a good run, and I've done some amazing things on them but I've used up my luck and so this is the end of motorcycling and I. I'm going to keep my smashed up helmet as a reminder of how close I came to not being me anymore.

The option of booze.

I think my poor little mind has been a little fried after the last few days because it's not used to going quite so fast around corners or away from traffic lights. The cause of all this frantic stimulation will be returned by the end of this week and I'll return to relative normality, I hope at least. I shall miss it though.

Anyway, on to other matters, specifically women. I have been going on a lot of dates, more are lined up. Although I always feel a bit guilty going dates with a range of different people at the same time. Nothing has been said to make it exclusive or anything like that but it still feels weird. Needs must and all that, and so I've been covering thousands of miles all over the country to see a range of women. That makes it sound like I've been house viewing, which I suppose is close.

This riding around gives me lots of time to think, I mean apart from when I'm going 'bloody hell I can't believe I can go around a corner that fast' and so I've thought back on other dates. Booze has been a key point of these days, so it's been weird to not have booze as an option when meeting people. Not unpleasant, just different.

It's amazing how many adventures have started with 'lets get another round of cocktails' or 'I've heard the rosé is excellent here'

Gay thought for the day - Gay Best Friends in books

So many characters in chic-lit have a gay best friend, as in almost all of them, but why is the gay-best-friend always the same type? You know, probably very pretty, slightly bitch an well dressed.

Why is it never a bear or a muscle mary? Or even a chap who just happens to like other chaps, it's always a screaming stereotype.

Girls are weird

French cake 1 - Blues 0.

I've been feeling a bit blue for the last few weeks. I wasn't sure why, but I just didn't feel tip top. Today it all changed, and I think a part of it was due to going to the gym again for the first time in weeks.

It was a rather sweaty gym visit, the air conditioning was broken. Luckily I had the gym to myself so no-one had to witness me on the cross trainer for the first time in weeks. I pushed myself moderately hard but I didn't go mad. It was enough to let me feel marvellous for an entire morning of management training (v. David Bret, but also useful).

When the management training was over I jumped onto the bike and powered down to London. I managed to cover 2 hours worth of distance in 1 hour and fifteen minutes. I've now covered about 600 miles on the dream bike and I really get it now. It was fine before, and I enjoyed it but now I understand it. I was absolutely scything through traffic on the way into London. I was even a bit sad when I finally arrived at my destination.

I dropped the bike off at the car park, scamped up to my old work to say a hullo and catch up on things. This was a bit of a mixed experience because while it was lovely it did remind me of everything I missed about working in Soho.

At about 3ish I had arranged to meet up with the date. This was a new girl, I'd not met her before so it was quite exciting waiting for her to appear. She has just arrived in London so we strolled around and I showed her a few secret restaurants and other useful things. After our feet were tired we stopped for tea and French cakes in Soho.

With the cakes out of the way we said our goodbyes and parted and I hopped back into the bike and caught rush hour all the way home. This was perfect for me as it allowed me to play some more on the bike. It's weird how much fun heavy traffic is when you are on two wheels rather than four.

The ride home started off fairly sensible and then went a bit mad. I'm home now and I'm still tingling and feeling, well a bit fighty. A good ride does that to a chap.

What a brilliant day.

Some facts, I suppose.

I think blogs are best when they are honest. So I'm going to be terribly honest about some things. This is in no-way connected to the fact that I'm at home and a bit bored.

1) I am attracted to the way people move, not really the way they look. Pictures are all well and good but it the way someone moves that does it for me. I think it is about the quickness of movement, but I can't describe it more than that. It works for chums as well.

2) That being said, I have a nearly fatal attraction towards unsuitable women. I really do have awful taste. At least I'm consistently bad though. I can't help myself around striking, tall, fiery but probably emotionally damaged brunettes.

3) Even when mashed I've got reasonably good judgement, anything bizarre that has happened while drunk has typically been the beginning of a good adventure. I've got a good drunken homing instinct too. But, when I'm feeling fruity all reasonable logic goes out of the window. I don't approve of this, and it has got me into trouble.

4) Something about the way I act with women brings out the worst in them. I don't know what it is, but I'd love to correct it. By worst I mean all the stereotypical mad woman stuff. I'm sure it's not all me that causes this, but it has to be part of it. I need Cesar Millan to come and show me what I'm doing wrong, I bet it's something like projecting the wrong sort of energy or not being Alpha enough. It's not all bad I have scores of lovely, extremely close female friends which I adore so I can talk to women, you know properly.

5) The weirdest things upset me. An ex once said, while breaking-up with me 'I sometimes get the impression that you do nice things because that's what you should do, not because you want to.'. That still haunts me.

6) Sometimes human behavior utterly baffles me, actually I can be more precise with that. Sometimes female human behavior utterly baffles me. If a man is being weird towards one of my female friends I can tell what is really going on with 100% accuracy. Women sometimes do things that just make me need to sit down and stare at the wall.

7) I've read somewhere that most chaps imagine what women they see in the street look like naked, I imagine what they'd look like better dressed. I can't help myself. Once I've worked out the look I'm never quite sure what to do with this information.

8) I'm not terribly good at confrontations. You know fights and things. I wish I was, when someone does something a bit iffy I tend to simmer on it for a decade or two before saying anything. On the plus side if someone annoys me I'm good at making them 'dead to my eyes', I should definitely list 'holding a grudge' on my C.V. as a strength.

9) I once took a large amount of magic mushrooms, without realising quite what sort of effect it would have on me. I spazzed out for a whole evening and ever since then I've loved forests. I don't think I'll ever do anything like that ever again because it had such a radical effect on me.

10) I don't like going to gigs. I rarely like the music, and even if I do it's too loud and I don't think it's worth damaging my ears over. If there was a quiet gig, and they played only the songs I wanted, in the order I wanted and I could skip them if I wanted, that might be okay, for a bit. It worries me that I can't understand why other people like gigs so much, it really does.

11) When I really like someone I tend to ignore all the reasons why I shouldn't go out with them, these reasons only come to light after things have ended.

12) I thought this was going to be a more interesting post when I was walking back from the shops, I'm not so sure now.

Date two - Are girls the cure?

We had a second date. It was good, we both laughed, the events were spur of the moment and engaging and yet, something wasn't quite there. It might have just been that I was knackered, or perhaps, and this is more troubling. I'm so used to being mashed when fist connecting with someone that it feels weird to not break the ice with a cocktail or two.

I've not become sober or anything, it's just that riding down means no boozes for me. I don't know about this one, which isn't to say things are bad. On paper she is excellent, which sounds damning and that's not right either. She is spiffing, I think that I'm just feeling a bit weird at the moment and a girl isn't the cure if that makes sense.

Would this mean I will be messing things up with a terribly nice girl just because I'm not right in the head? I don't know. I'd hate to do that again.

Day 462: Ate some jam, morale is high

It was fun. It really was. The date nearly didn't happen because I felt really unwell at lunch time - my boss tried to send me home but I resisted. It seemed important that I went on this date.

So I borrowed some fever reducing drugs off a co-worker and jumped on the bike. The ride down was so-so, some what brisk. The bike I have for the next two weeks is. Well it's related to Piqued BB and so I arrived in London in record time. I took a slightly stupid route to the restaurant because I skipped a turning but I managed to get there with three minutes to spare and not be too bad. The drugs were still working.

She was a little bit late and we had that slight moment of awkwardness where you are both trying to work out if the other person is a mental. However by the time the wine list was out of the way we were talking nonsense about angels sneezing and the rest of the evening was great. At one point she laughed so much she was nearly sick and so we had to get her a glass of water and give her a time out.

Eventually we scampered off into the night, her back to her house and I jumped back onto the bike and zoomed home.

Riding a motorbike in London is great because you get to skip every queue, it's like being on the VIP list for traffic lights. Riding a faintly ridiculous sports bike in London is something else. What I'm trying to say is that it was a lovely date, but riding the bike home was also one of the high-points.

Admittedly when you get outside of London it's a bit boring, but crossing London is lovely. So yes, I arrived home fine, slightly damp (the last 5 minutes were in the rain) and then fell into bed. The next day I was feeling weird again so I took the day off, I still feel a bit weird but I think it's mostly stress more than anything else - work is a bit mad at the moment.

It was lovely to go on a date though, I'd forgotten what fun that was. Oh and the subject line is the punchline to a joke that caused the girl to need a time out.

The madness of Chuck

Today was long and slow. This is because I had almost no sleep (my fault). Silly Louche. So I had to slog through the day just trying to hold it together until I could get home and go to bed. I need to pick out my look for tomorrow, but that shouldn't take long.

Chuck emailed me today to apologise for 'nearly banging your door down'. So not just a load of text messages but also smashing on the door. Lawks, that's borderline frightening.

The upshot of this is that I'm going to shave off the Elvis style sideburns, they are just too potent. I'm not ready for this level of responsibility.

P.S. Why do some women act like this? I mean she really 'had me' for a while and then she very thoroughly smashed me to pieces. I've moved on and now she wants attention?

Resisting Elvis

This weekend was surprising. I was dreading going to Skegness. A depressing holiday camp near the sea but not on it. There is nothing to do there apart from eat rubbish food and drink. I wasn't looking forward to it. I think the main problem is that event is organised by people who don't ride motorbikes so they don't get what is fun about bikes.

Anyway, we arrived, got very drunk danced like loons, talked to girls and some of the group did some light vomiting. What was actually quite good fun. I had my own holiday apartment so I could retreat from the party at will. Which was nice because the other apartment was like a zoo.

The second day involved some light duties (riding about and then judging something) before it was time to become Elvis. I spent ages shaving to get Elvis sideburns and then finally it was time to get into costume. The jumpsuit was very cool, as it not warm in the slightest. It always was rather revealing, but was silly and that's what counts.

We scampered out into the night, with one person dropping out before we even got into a club because he had drunk so much while getting ready. The entire club was full of people in costumes, and I had a good time dancing away.

Then Chuck appeared, I of course was civil yet distant and we spoke briefly about things of no concequence before our groups moved to different night clubs. I briefly saw her again later in the night but we didn't talk. I didn't think much of it apart from being pleased that I'd managed to be civil.

Finally I went home and crashed asleep and when I woke up I had two 'booty text' from Chuck. I had a bet with someone at work that she would try something like this, I even got the hour right. Girls are so rubbish sometimes.

I didn't reply to the text messages, I don't to any of the ones she sends me, but I expect I'll get an email about it today. With emails I reply to anything work related but everything else is ignored. In a way I feel sorry for her, it must be hard to resist Elvis.

On the plus side she did mention she is leaving in November so that's great news. And I have a first date tomorrow in London. I'm not sure quite what I'm going to do with transport. If I ride down it will be far quicker and easier but I can't drink, but riding means I don't have to worry about the last train or any of that nonsense.