Dear Teh Interwebz

I am deeply sorry to have not been updating as much as I should be. It's not been because something bad has happened, or even that nothing has happened at all. Quite the opposite, something amazing has been going on. Things have happened that have blown my pink socks off.

I've been back to my old tricks of having adventures, being places I shouldn't and drinking innapropriate amounts of wine in hotel bars with people who should know better.

It's been spiffing, but I'm not going to discuss it all yet because something else is happening and I want to wait for that to be sorted so I can begin to regale what will be a top yarn.

Stay tuned, and just go and have a cup of tea or something until it's ready. Well perhaps a minibreak as I doubt it will be sorted by the weekend.

I say, fancy becoming a Spartan?

I agreed to become a Spartan today. One of the chaps at work has got his hands on the training regime used for the film and so now we are all going to try it. I imagine it's going to involve a lot of eating raw eggs and running up steps.

Actually I have no idea what it involves but a wager has been made between gentlemen and so it must happen. The wager has even been extended so not only are we going to training up, pointlessly I should add, I said I'd grow a Spartan beard when it was apt.

Well it is for Sparta after all.

The weight of secrets

Secrets are strange things. They seem to have a weight that changes depending on how they relate to you.

A salacious bit of gossip relating to someone you don't like is a wispy, floating thing that can delight. Look at the huge array of celebrity gossip magazines to see what I mean. If the secret isn't important, and it doesn't affect you then it's rather fun to be told it. Even the smallest snippet of information gains value if it's not widely known.

Secrets that involve yourself have a terrible weight, they drag on the soul. What makes it worse is that sometimes the secret is something good or very bad, but you mustn't share it. There are some things going on at work, relating to the current economic climate and some people I work with. I wish I'd never found out about it all.

And no, I don't have donkey ears.

Bitchin' Suit day

I went drinking with some work people last night. It was a post-work wine and chat about things. One of them revealed that when they first spotted me they thought I looked like an eccentric, the sort of person who has cravats and pocket watches.

I wasn't wearing either of these items at the time. Or anything even mildly outlandish so it seems that I've now reached the point where I don't need foppish affectations to come across as the sort of berk who frets about socks too much.

My wardrobe is returning to form. Every time I go to Devon I pick up more items, the last trip involved my first suit. I don't wear a suit for work. Most people don't even wear shirts, which isn't to say they run around topless, but that T-shirts are the usual thing.

I'm not sure what I'll wear this suit for, I suggested that once a month we have 'bitching suit day' where a chap can wear something lilac or a solid tweed. Pipes were also mentioned, so we could discuss matters of importance while loading up some nice clay pipes. The suit I brought up was a light-weight tweed number, perfect for spring time. Now I just need an good excuse to break it out.

I think it's a sign of how I'm feeling more comfortable in my job that now the suits are starting to reappear. Relocating up here required a lot of changes, and I initally thought that I was going to leave all the dandy-style misadventures behind.

Now I know that is wrong. It's just that the part of you that makes you want to invest in waistcoats and cufflinks travels slower than the rest of you. So it takes a while to catch up with the rest of you. It's here now, and judging by the misadventures of last night it's just as potent as it ever was.

I wonder if they are ready for it.

The Hitchcock Blonde

Well I broke up with The Hitchcock Blonde, it was about three weeks ago. It is sad, but we remain on good terms.

FIN

A long needed update

I'm sorry I've not been updating as much. I'm also sorry that my updates have been about strange things. There have been a lot of changes going on here, big changes. I wanted to leave some distance between them happening and writing about them because I thought I should have time to mull over them.

I'll do some big updates tonight, after a glass of wine. The main subjects will be my traffic accident and breaking up with the Hitchcock Blonde.

Ten pounds of fun

I've had a strangely productive day. Rather annoyingly I've been 'on duty' this weekend which involves waiting for the Dinosaur to send me stories which I have to file away. This isn't my normal job, someone on my team normally does it but in a fit of selflessness I volunteered to split the weekend cover with them and another chap.

This selfless act means that one weekend in three involves me glaring at my computer instead of enjoying the sunshine. Hopefully someone else will start doing it but until then I shall just have the occasional rage filled weekend.

Because one never knows when a story will appear I can't be far away from a computer at any time so any sort of extended trip is off the cards, unless you travel in the evenings or mornings. So I've used the time mildly productively and had a bit of a spring clean.

I've not only washed everything I possibly can, I've also re-arranged my room so my bed is in an entirely different place and shuffled a few other things. This does mean my bed is in a faintly ridiculous place in the room but it's a different place and that's what I wanted.

I also snuck out and got some shopping for the week, on a motorbike. Motorbikes are wonderful things but they aren't ideal for doing the weekly shop. You have to plan ahead with the size of the items you buy and also think about how much they weigh. Lugging a helmet around with a basket of shopping isn't recommended either. Still it's an excuse for a ride and that's enough for me. Once I'd had my shop out the way I took the bike I have for the weekend out for a ride.

That was excellent fun. The sun was shining, the roads were moderately clear and I went off exploring along twisty back roads and sweeping A-roads. On a lovely spring day like this, with a willing machine, I can't imagine £10 better spent than blown on a tank of petrol.

The bike I have is pleasantly 'fruity' which means you can either poodle along enjoying the view or a slight twist of the wrist means you have to focus entirely on the road. I've driven some absolutely insane cars, but they struggle to get even close to the joy of bimbling around on a motorbike.

I've just realised I forgot to buy some toothpaste, oh no. I'll have to ride to the shops to get some. The local shops are closed so I think I'll have to go really far away to get it, probably at the end of some really wiggly roads. I bet I get lost too, so it takes me hours. Hurrah.

Facists and ghosts

I've got a new coat, well actually I suppose a light casual jacket would be more accurate. I am incredibly pleased with it. A while ago I was filled with a burning urge to get something new, double breasted and a bit adventurous.

Not adventurous as in made out of feathers and leather but as in the sort of thing that a chap could wear on an adventure while fighting mummies or discovering lost cities full of gold.

Think sepia tinted action hero, that's the sort of garb I was hunting around for. A jacket that would imply that this chap probably has a penknife and maybe even a tinder box. The sort of fellow that would be good in a bind, especially if it involved the supernatural and Nazis.

I don't often battle fascists and ghosts, but it's only a matter of time now that I've got this coat. I suppose the next step is to find a suitable, hilarious sidekick. Any takers?

Do you speak Corporate?

I've been at this company for a while now, large companies are alien and strange places. It's not just that there are different rules, it's like working in a different country. There are people who have jobs that I just can't fathom, and yet they are incredibly powerful.

There is a football pitch outside the office, with a sign on it that says 'no ball games'. Actually it's even better than that. Someone injured themselves in the indoor football pitch and so well. This is an actual email sent around.

'Dear All

Due to another injury within the sports hall today we are temporarily banning all indoor football activity until further notice. We shall be reviewing all risk assessments and procedures in place and I shall update you accordingly.

regards,

X'

On Friday we had a test of a new alarm system for things that were bad, but weren't fires. We have a fire alarm which is tested often.

Actually it went off for real last week and everyone had to leave because thick, milky smoke filled the building. A fire you'd think, right? No actually, the source of the smoke has still not been found. We had an email about that. 'We don't know what caused the fire, or what it was'.

How can you not manage to find a fire?

Anyway, this new not-fire alarm is for things like bombs. Yes they mentioned bombs in the email. How should one leave the building in the event of a bomb that one shouldn't do in the event of a fire? Do we really need two alarms?

It's a weird world out there.