Wonking, continued.

Well the toe is dewonking on it's own so that is good. I've been going for gentle walks with it protesting mildly but it is starting to relent. I think that the wonkeons disperse as I walk along through a process known as Wonkmosis*.

It's still a bit wonky but far more manageable which is excellent as a wonky toe would reduce the amount of fun I can have. I'm always amazed how little I wonk myself up while doing dangerous things for work and yet manage to build up dangerous levels of wonk to the point of injury during normal life. By the way the process of increasing your wonk levels is now known as Wonkosynthesis.

*Discovered by Swineshead

Wonky

I'm working on a piece about cars today, classic cars. Hurrah for writing about subjects you don't know really quite enough about. Luckily I used to be quite into aged cars, so I've had to dig out some old books and re-read them, it's amazing the things you forget, isn't it?

Aside from that I've not got much else to report, my wonky toe is still wonky but perhaps slightly less wonky than yesterday. I'm not sure how one scientifically measures wonk? With a Wonkometer I assume, or perhaps a wonkoscope? What are the units of wonk? Does one talk about wonkograms? Wonkatude Or Kilowonks?

Learning through injuries

It is amazing how often I pick up injuries. For example, just yesterday I managed to do something awful to my toe (it might be broken, how does one tell?) and mildly injure my knee. I also have a mark on my head, although that seems mostly cosmic. The cause of these injuries, well lets just say that I lost consciousness for a while and leave it at that.

As side from the injuries it was an excellent weekend, The Hitchcock Blonde was down in the West Country for a few days and so we went for walks, ate far too much and sat in front of log fires with books. We also played billiards, a sport which I am terrible at. Actually it's beyond that I'm absolutely awful but during an evening of furious drinking I seem to have got pretty good suddenly. I'm not sure if it was the slightly out of date banana beer or the blow to my head but now I'm not bad.

Perhaps I should inform the Olympic committee so they can introduce head injuries and out of date novelty drinks into their training regimes?

Surfing, Aching and inappropriate touching

Where to begin? Well I ache every where. Surfing requires muscles I didn't know I had. It's slightly my own fault as yesterday I stayed in the water for hours waiting for 'just one more wave' even when everyone else had gone in. This seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm starting to regret it. Ouch.

The surfing was fun and the girls were very pleasant, we didn't actually interact with them that much - the organisers had got us some private lessons with an instructor so we got to progress very quickly but sadly didn't get as much splashing around and giggling. Ho-Hum.

I managed to stand up and ride some (admittedly very tame) waves and this was going brilliantly until somehow I ripped the nail off my big toe. It must have been on a passing shark or something. I had to stop then, to try and bandage it back on and then instructor recommended I stay out of the water for a bit so we limped into town to get some medical supplies, which ended up as some drinks, then a few more.

Post drinks we hobbled back while doing a bit of light shopping and I hit the steam rooms which amazingly really helped the toe. In the evening we had a big meal with all the girls , and then went to an awful bar. It was terrible - packed with stag parties who were farting away almost constantly which made you long for the days of smoking and then a terrible live band appeared. It was enough to drive a chap to drink, which I did and it was around the time that we started drinking bright red drinks that the dancing contest started. We were drinking quite a lot because we had be told that surfing as a good hangover cure and we wanted to test this theory.

This went on until about 2am when the prospect of an early morning surf seemed a bit daunting so we got a cab back. I had a couple of moments during the night where I had to go and sit by the loo, just in case but I was fine and we woke up at 7am to go and surf. The surfing did clear our heads brilliantly and I ended up staying out for hours after the photographer had gone. The photographer was awful. Every time I did something good - like share a wave with a chum while striking dramatic poses the photographer would be playing with a passing dog or getting something out of his shoe.

After I finished surfing - I was so exhausted I had trouble walking we had a light lunch and I went for a special surf massage. This was excellent although the lady doing it seemed to touch my bum an awful lot so afterwards I didn't know if I should call the police or buy her flowers.

Sadly at this point out surfing adventure was over and we bundled back into the bus, all skin-kissed with salty hair and went back to London. It was a great experience and I'm going to be surfing again, perhaps in a few weeks but I don't think I'll be buying any gear just yet, it was good, but not as good as motorcycles.